Taken from Robert Crumb’s Plunge Into The Depths […]
Last night I try too cry but no tears came out, so I cut my self a little to feel other pain that is not inside me. Some times this pain makes me strong but today is killing me. I just wanna desapeard, I wanna be in the eternal sleep. Im not good or strong. I have a very suicidal mind, I can take anything even a mecanic pencil and use it to harnd me. I dont like ro be touched im scaerd wen some one hugs me even my family. I dont like to be around of people but at the same time I […]
I never really had a real passion… the little things here they’re like writing song lyrics the stuff like that running around outside with kids and doing things like that but ive never had a real passion until one day when I picked up the pencil and faded into my feelings and all of a sudden I just started to to write and i rhymed and it all came together so decently…. every since that day ive fallen in love with poetryes I love to write it I love to read it is just a beautiful thing to know that you can poor all your […]
I thought I would be okay, but in three day’s time, I had another accident.
A few days ago, I slit my wrist up. Never deep enough to kill, but just enough sting to get the point across. I padded it up and wrapped an ace bandage around it, claiming I just sprained it. No one at work questioned it, my boyfriend didn’t say anything outright about it. It’s hard to keep things from him though. So I told him. He grabbed my wrist and took a glance. He said my name, which sounded so… Off. It doesn’t feel right when he says it. It […]
Day 1
I was born to this unforgiving world, and thinking now i wished that i never existed
8 years of my life that i suffered with my Family without knowing the reason….
I was born in a family of a Father working on another country that I’ve never seen until recently, a Mother who tends to destroy me physically,mentally and spiritually, beating me and locking me up for a small mistake and makes my body bleed for a case like for a single piece […]
Has anyone played the ole “wants vs. needs” game, in therapy or elsewhere? Last year I was in a therapy group setting. Everyone got a pencil and a piece of paper. Make 2 columns for Wants and Needs, and just start listing each of our wants and needs as they came off the top of my head.
I had a few needs, like food clothing shelter and companionship. At first I couldn’t come up with any wants. So then it was time to put our pencils down. We went around the table, people were rattling off their wants and needs.
Some […]
3 things to never do:
try lie to a teacher, getting you expelled.
ignore a guy who pours his heart out to you for over 2 years (only to fall for him when its too late)
or watch thirteen when your are a recovering self harm addict.
i came so close. i ran around the house looking for a pencil sharpener, unscrewed the blade andmy mind went blank. i dont know what happened. the next thing i knew, i was crying in the fetal position. i opened my hand and the blade was deep in the skin at the bottom of my thumb. i had squeezed my hand shut […]
Ello. Domino speaking. Back from the hospital. And being closely monitored by a drunk dad. Hahaha. I failed once more. What is this, the 5th time? Fun.. Anyways, while I was in the hospital, I was given the ‘privilege’ of having looseleaf paper and a pencil to draw. But of course, I didn’t draw, I write. So I just slept until a dream stayed in my head, and it turned out to be one of my old memories. I feel bad for leaving you all like I did earlier, so I’m gunna type it right here for you all to know a little bit more […]
I have been dealing with depression for 8 painful years, and have had a self mutilation additction for seven of those eight. I have my ups and downs, but lately I feel like my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I have always felt it mentally and emotionally, but the physical symptoms of depression were always minor. That is… until recently. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my depression this time around. I haven’t the slightest clue. Maybe I’m lonely. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I feel lost because my youth is very quickly leaving me.
I can’t eat. Every time I even look at food I’m […]
I sit at the table. And there’s a teddy resting under my chair. I sit here alone, in this room. No one knows I sit here. I don’t know whether it’s day or night, I don’t care. The air is light and it smells of quartz, so lulling. The whole room is blue, only the lamp on the table is pale yellow, like a moth. I sit here and dream, and I talk to the lamp. The clock on the wall is ticking rhythmically, like a metronome…Â
I pick up the teddy from under the chair, and I put it on the table […]
I sat at my desk in school wondering what it would be like if I stabbed myself through the heart with that guys extremely sharp pencil. Death by writing utensil. A thought that drew a smile on my face.
Ugh that stupid noise. A noise that interrupted the only thought that made me smile today.
I concentrate a bit harder, but it is only clear to me that the sound comes from the front of class. I look up.
“RRrrruhh. RRraaayy.”
My brain starts to work in time to hear the teacher call my name for, what I could tell by her tone was, the fifth time.
is full of people. but many i met have all turned against me. there is something wrong with me…BUT IDK WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i always had these thoughts of how i know this is not me everything happens for a reason right? well my thought now is if i never moved from california to idaho i would be sweet and innocent but im not….im actually a ***** but people dont see that…especially people here on SP. for example someone was joking around with me in class yesterday and i didnt think of that til i came unglued that he talked to me…SEE WHAT I MEAN???????? […]
Today was really good. Went way better than expected. So it’s just typical to come home and have that feeling destroyed. Walk through the front door to a grumpy brother and a sleeping mother. Great, Recipe for success. And then it just got worse.. And now i’m this. I don’t know what this is, but I am it.
I have a surprise maths exam tomorrow. Am I going to be able to do it? probably not, I fully expect to break down… At least they say I can write in pencil as it’s only a mock. I don’t know how much longer I can go on […]
I have Asperger’s Syndrome. I have every anxiety problem in the book. I have manic-depression. I am tripolar. I’m afraid of everything. I’m a hoarder.
There are so many things wrong with me, It’s hard to keep track of them all. It’s even harder to keep them under control. With each passing day, I feel my lucidity and self-control slipping away. The worst of it is, most of it’s genetic.
When I was little, I used to bully my little brother. I had no idea it was wrong, because that’s all people did to me. Eventually, I felt horrible for it, and I prayed that it would […]
All my life no one has really had high hopes for me. No one has ever motivated me into doing anything. Only my oldest sister has went to college and she still can’t find a job. My mom tells me there is no point in going to college in today’s time. Â Me I don’t care what my future holds. There is no future only a present. I get pissed off when I get treated like shit cause I have worked my ass off in school without ANY motivation to keep me going. I have done it all on my own. I decide always to work […]
Well I got expelled this school year. I been getting and trouble this school year ! I only got suspended 6 times this school year. I Got put out after the six time because I was about to fight this boy. He push my cousin and he was talking bad to me so I snaped and went off. Well the principle decide to expelled me. So when he expelled me I went crazy by punching the wall , crying , screaming , I the hit principle , threw my school I.D at my the principle too , Broke the shelf , threw a pencil at […]