I really don’t understand. Nothing affects me like my father. I’ve had my brother tell me he is so disappointed in me, that I am selfish and immature, that I abuse the ones I love with what I do, that all I care about is attention-seeking, that I’m going to fail in life. I’ve had my mother tell me that she simply can’t believe that I am not doing this to hurt her. That my cutting, that my suicide attempts, that even my physical illnesses like my catatonic episodes where I ended up in Hopkins Neurology because I couldn’t move my body, that all of […]
Tag:
Pills
Just want to say to all who is in hard time at the moment, STAY STRONG, you were born to make a diference in this world.
You are just so much better than those people or things that upset you, who ignoring you, who or what makes you scared… There are people who love you and who DO care for you, they may be near, or you’ll meet them later in your life (you sure will), and they need you. Think about them. Do not be selfish. You are wonderful, beautiful and this world needs you!
Believe in yourself! I DO!
Read some books, look for answers, talk to somebody, look in to yourself, try […]
To whoever may concern,
Although I am young I already feel it is time to stop running well that is how I feel. I am running from my feelings, my emotions for the better good of others. I don’t want to ‘live’. I don’t need to ‘live’. I have read other story’s and they were the truth. I show no sympathy because I have spent so long hiding what feel that I no longer feel. I’m just empty. A ghost of what I should be. Today my ‘friend’ almost got hit by a car […]
for the first time in 18 months I saw the love of my life in action-via video. It was filmed just months before I met him. he was so happy, smiling and laughing. i recalled that smile, remembered that laugh. felt that feeling he gave me. we just lied in bed all day holding each other. but underneath we felt the same thing. we walked in on me once as I was vomiting up a large amount of pills. my liver will never be the same. I watched his eyes fade over the months as he sunk deeper into PF. I followed him down the […]
Someone I’ve loved since the moment I’ve ever talked to them is slipping away. The sad part is I’m letting him. I can’t do anything about him not loving me anymore. I’ve fought for him for 9 months, if not more. I’m done. I can’t keep waiting on him to realize if I’m what he wants or not. I haven’t talked to him since Thursday. He says he cares and would do anything for me but I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know if it was love or lust. Maybe neither Maybe all of it was just a big joke, but I just can’t take it anymore. The […]
well.. weekend was kinda good. spent most of it as my friends, meaning i only had to see my family for half of sunday. yay!
but when i got home.. mom bitches at me about how i fidgit all the time. i cant help it!
dad gets mad cuz i always wear a hat. so what? my parents are so stupid. need to get mad at me about anything. i start talking back to my mom and shed ask “have you taken your pills today?” uugghhhh.. life sucks.. i burn now instead of cutiing. hurts more. and i’ve barley eating since friday. lost a lot of weight. […]
Am I Insane? Waking up in the middle of the night craving just to self-harm, I could feel the need on my scarred wrist just so temped to grab my razor & press the cold metal against my skin. Deeper & deeper gliding across; red gushing out everywhere off the sides of my wrist & down my arm.  “I wanna cut, I need to cut†I could see my skin break as the tip of the knife goes down my arm with blood spilling out of my arm. Since that night I’ve been craving to cut & all I think about is suicide attempts. Maybe if I […]
I couldn’t do it. I got home from sneaking out, couldn’t get back in, had to call my parents then got yelled at. Heaps of guilt! YAY! They’re at wits end with me, said they wished I’d just get it over with. Well you know what? I wish that too. I don’t know why it hurts so goddamn much, and I have no reason for this pain. My life is perfect, and with these pills I can’t feel anything. I fucking hate it. I can’t cry, I’m empty, broken, alone within myself. I hate me, the girl who looks like an attention whore but only […]
I wrote my suicide note. Then I crumpled it up and wrote it again.
by sono_libero
written by sono_libero
Three times I rewrote it. 
Then I cut. Deep. I watched my blood flow with complete serenity. 
That wouldn’t kill me, but the collection of pills by my bed surely would. This time I had more than enough. I wouldn’t fail this time. 
This is it. 
Then I remembered her face. That look of pure terror she wore as she died. As I watched her kill herself. Can I really do this?
I feel like something is wrapped around me suffocating me but I can still breath. I can barely walk talk Hear see I can barely move at all. It takes everything I have to put a smile on my face and move and walk around at school but that takes alot of energy and I can’t keep that up for more than 30 min. at a time. I am not hungry. So I’m not eating. And yet I am still a fat b****. What I described above is what I feel: numb. I feel numb I feel broken I feel like there isn’t much […]
It never gets better.
Maybe it does for others, but not for me.
When I was younger I heard a song that said “love heals the heart,” and I protested, saying that it only seems to heal the heart, and just brings more pain. The last year had changed my mind. My boyfriend is great. Finally felt safe. But now I’m realizing I was right. I love him. So much. Yet he still brings pain. I mean we all do, I guess. But it’s so unfair.
He hurt himself again tonight. 10 minutes after the promise not to expired. I was planning on renewing the […]
tonight I’m running away. I will take 4 packets of pills and find an empty field. That is, if I have the courage.
The reason my sleeping fucked up in the first place is because I’d spend countless nights awake, convincing my friend not to cut her arms, or take too many pills. I never wanted to wake my mum, brother and sister, so I’d hang out of my window to keep it quiet, this didn’t help the fact that the conversations with her were extremely triggering, and I’m already suicidal, and sitting in an open window. bad idea, right?
I skyped with strangers, making sure they were okay, friends from my area would tell me whats wrong, and I’d rush to their house to make sure they were okay. […]
I’m so angry! Everyday I go to school and I only get humiliated by my classmates. At PE(and other classes) no one wants me as a partner. When I stand close to them they go further away from me and when they have no choice left but to choose me because there is no one left anymore they say ‘Not that one’ or ‘Tsk’ and sometimes they even yell at me if I do something wrong by mistake. I don’t get it. WHY ME? I don’t smell bad and I shower everyday. I’ve done nothing wrong with them to be treated this way.
Everytime they do […]
Yesterday my boyfriend told me that he wanted to break up with me because he refuses to stay with me if he goes 6 hours away for college. We’ve been together for two years and he won’t listen to anything I say.
I raided his medicine cabinet and I took all of the pills I could find. I’ve been throwing up for 18 hours and can’t eat or drink anything. I’m so dehydrated. When I drink anything, I vomit. I can’t stop sleeping but I needed someone to hear me in case I pass.
My parents have never listened to me. My problems have always been written off. […]
Scared of life. Scared of suicide. Cant deal wi th depression any more. Cant handle th stress of hiding it. Living on prescribed pills for pain and stress. Afraid to tell anyone how i really feel. Dont know how to. I’ve tried to OD ended up on th medical ward. “Accidental OD” …feel like a balloon being squeezed, when will i burst? Dont want to let anyone down. Mostly my over achieving fam. Making my own little hell….
As soon as I am old enough I am going to admit myself into a mental institution so I don’t do anything that will make me even more of a disappointment to others. I have accepted that everyone hates me and my aunt is too kind to throw me out herself. I even accept that secretly my dad probably drank himself to death because he hated me and couldn’t stand me. I know everyone loves my sister and brothers more. I also know that if/when I kill myself noone will care or be sad. This is probably my last entry so for everyone that hates […]
So me and my ex just had this HUGE fucking fight about cutting. (It was a big fight considering I had an anxiety attack) He’s never cut and he didn’t know I did. I felt like it was time to tell him so I did. He flipped shit on me and told me he would kill himself (which he won’t). He said he loves me and wants to be with me. I am the same but I told him I wasn’t going through his shit again. I told him also that if he wanted to be with me again he had to earn a hall of a lot of […]
looking around my room i realise i have so many pills. two types of naproxen, concerta, Aleve, Adivl, Tylonal, and sleeping pillings. i coud OD no problem but… i don’t. i keep thinking about it… all the time… i want to soo bad. i could take all those pills. there’s even more in the medicine cabinet and alcohol under the stove. i could take the pills, go to bed, and never wake up.
i don’t know if it’s progress that i haven’t tried ODing yet or not because i keep thinking about it… a lot.
i stopped cutting… i think. it’s only been a few days since […]
I am divorced. I am a mother of six. My fiance committed suicide in July. I have had numerous surgeries this year that have left me unable to work yet. I am in yet another one of my major depressive episodes that has exhausted me. I have tried having my medications readjusted and mixed around to no avail. I am just so sick of having to battle depression! I have been in an uphill battle with this terrible illness for over 25 years! I have had enough. I am tired. I cannot endure more of […]