The love of my life lives in Kansas….I live in North Carolina. We have been off and on for almost a year now. We got back together about 2 months ago then he broke up with me. I fell back into cutting and pills. He swore he didn’t like anyone else, it was just the distance. He asked out my best friend 2 days after he told me that. I want to fucking hate him so much….but I can’t. He doesn’t know I know. I promised him I wouldn’t cut or get high…..yet my arm is filled with new scars and my pill bottles are […]
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Pills
Hi,
I am new to this sight, but wanted to share just a bit to those who are considering suicide. As a bit of background, I am a nearly 60 woman with 4 grown kids and 3 grandkids, married to the same man for over 40 years, upper middle class, fairly attractive, intelligent, witty, talented and loved. But last year all hell broke lose…..
My first time in the hospital was in Dec 2011, I self checked in because I had become obsessive about suicide and was tempting fate with pills, a loaded gun, knife to wrist and other dangerous and fatal things and ideas. I didn’t REALLY want […]
I hate life. What the hell is the point of it, anyway? Why ME? Why was I stuck in this hellhole? I am so out of place. Everyone else at my school is perfect. Skinny, pretty, acne-free. Then there’s me, an annoying, short, ugly little freak. My mom hates me. My dad hates me. Everyone hates me. I hate me. The only reason I’m still here is because I can’t get the right pills. I cut, people call me an attention whore. I’ve tried to kill myself 3 times now. My damn parents caught me and “grounded” me for 3 months because they didn’t want […]
Fifteen days ago was the last time I cut.
Fifteen days ago was when I almost committed suicide.
Thirty days or so ago was when I told my two best friends I cut. Well I didn’t exactly tell them, they already thought I did because they saw my wrist. But one day in gym class, one of my best friends made a reference to another one of our friends who cuts and I added, “So do I.” She, of course, freaked out and repeatedly asked me why I did it and all the other normal questions someone who doesn’t understand would ask. For some reason though, I couldn’t […]
I was just sitting comfortably in bed watching TV and in a strangely good mood and then suddenly it all went black inside my head and all I can think now is that I want to stab myself multiple times. It’s sort of scary, really, the way I go from balanced and happy to furious and violent in seconds. I thought this sadness was going away, but it turns out it hasn’t, I’ve simply been distracted by school and a supposed social life but I’ve spent the last week at home pretty much alone. I don’t want my happiness to depend on other people or […]
I just had a complete meltdown. I had been thinking about suicide for the longest time. I felt like a failure, like my life wasn’t worth it. So I took some codeine pills. It made me feel like I was dead for a while. And then I just threw it all up. I fail at everything. I can’t even kill myself. Life just isn’t worth living for me. I feel so alone.
where to start?
i’ve wanted to die for as long as i can remember. since at least the age of 10. there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by when i’ve been free of that desire. not one day when, if someone offered to help me end it, i would have refused them.
i’m 40 now. massive depression, anxiety, that kind of stuff. haven’t been able to work in over 10 years, had to move back home. haven’t been able to leave the house on my own in a few years either, and even with support it’s getting harder to go outside.
one sample story…
i’ve had one big […]
Just a couple days was all it took to know I loved you.I still admit you were the best thing that’s ever walked in my life.When we met you were so happy.Then you talked about killing yourself and that made me feel terrible I wanted you to stay I wanted to be one of the reasons you’d stay but you said i wasn’t enough..but still you stayed we broke up..I never thought it would Be this hard.Seeing you move on hurts so much.Iv tried to get out there open up ask for help..meet new people.But none of them are you.I love you.My first love.And every […]
I want to give up I want to kill myself. I’ve worked out a couple of ideas jump from the story bridge, take all the pills I have (I’ve got about50) or/and hang myself. Jumping feels like the most reliable. Anyway can someone just tell me to give up, I’m sick of the supporting comments it stops me from acting on my impulses. So please if you’re going to comment tell me to end of everything. Tell me everything’s pointless. Tell me il be a failure and a nobody for the rest of my miserable life and I should accept my inevitable fate
I recently started taking high doses  of Lortab,and I take about 4 or 5. Damn, Its nice. Its like all the voices stop for a couple hours and I can just enjoy the silence. The come down is horrible. Its not the pills its the fact that I am addicted to medicine I shouldn’t even be taking. Now Im stuck thinking about what happens when I run out. I wish I would never taken those wonderful fucking horrible things.Now the shame sets in , and that makes me want to take some that much more
I was a sad little girl. Â 35 years later, I’m a sad little girl who’s been on just about every medication possible. Â They all stop working after a few years.
I’ve never really had a relationship. Â I’m not sure what’s so unappealing. Â Maybe my sadness is more obvious than I think. Â Men don’t even pay attention to me. Â They never have. Â Having cute bubbly friends doesn’t help. Â My mother has nagged me about my weight since high school when I started gaining weight from the antidepressants.
I have a job and an education. Â I live in a rented 2 bedroom house that is much too big […]
Im so pissed today.I had a great morning went out for my birthday with my therapist even though they gave me a gift card to buy clothes knowing if they gave me it for anything else i wouldve bought pills and probably taken them.What people dont get is im already going to do that and i can find my own way to get what i need cause im resourceful.But it gets worse
I go on a site to get free stuff and give away stuff and they took the item i was giving away down.Even though people were giving away the same item.Anyway not […]
I sure fooled them. I took that precious college diploma, that winning personality, those great looks and trashed them all right before their eyes. My brain is jelly from all the pills and “treatment”, I’m about as charming as a corpse, and the scars & torn hair make me look like one too. And soon I’ll just be one of those anonymous suicides that they won’t bother investigating because they have other things to do. If the gang could see me now.
So every single morning, I wake up. Obviously, either wise i wouldnt be here right now and you wouldn’t be reading this crappy entry. but oh well. anyways, i do my normal routine, get ready for school, stare at myself in the mirror, criticize myself, decide whether or not i should skip breakfast, blahblahblah. sounding familiar? .. then i get to school, dont know who to be around with in the morning, should i hang out with my backstabbing friends , or be a loner and get looks and shit? i choose the latter most times. school goes pretty fine, heart hurts everytime i see […]
i read everyone’s posts and i know you think you are in pain or have it bad, but you don’t know what that is compared to me.
i am suffering from a strange kind of insomnia where i never feel tired. i can go days on end without sleep and this has been going on for three months. somehow i don’t have the ability to feel tiredness, so i have no desire to sleep. my brain however has been losing its ability to think or remember anything new. the old stuff is still there, and i look normal, but i can’t think when i need to. […]
new to here. i have actually tried and failled twice to committ suicide. i was unconcious on my frontroom flat the last time. from a couple of litres of vodka and loads of pills. i had to have my stomache pumped out and kept in hospital for a couple of days. i didnt ask to be saved. but some one likes me. i was driven to d hospital and didnt kno where i was. i just am at a seriously low eb in life and have nothing to look forward to. i do not fit in with every day people as such. im just a […]
I have been doing research for over a week on the best way to kill one self. Amf there just doesn’t seem to be an actual way to do it without serious planning. Pills apparently don’t work. I can’t afford a gun. And te drugs that are supposed to work are impossible to obtain  so seriously what is a girl supposed to do!!!!
When I look in the mirror, all that I can see is emptiness inside of me and I ask myself…
Who am I?
On the outside it seems to clear.. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend…but who am I?
Every morning when I awake, I tell myself it is time to put on a show..don’t want no one to know, what I feel when I am alone. I can’t let them see the tears I cry.. As keep all my fears hidden deep inside..
I tell myself; I do not know how much more I can take before this life I choose to forsake..
It seems to easy […]
Killed the children of our love
Filled our lives with pills
A journey of pain from the start
It’s gonna rain
and I don’t have a heart
I am ashamed of what I’ve done
Will you cry when I am gone?
What if God doesn’t exist
Will you let me be dead meat?
I’ll be here for you
When your life stops making sense
Cause death is so intense…
We’ll meet in hell again
When you feel well again
So we can start again
I’ve never done this before but I need someone who understands me to talk to. Let me start by describing myself a little bit. So I’m a 25yo woman (kid at heart). I’m told by most I look like I should be a model (I don’t see it). I have an awsome personality very down to earth open minded and supportive to others and have a lot of knowledge about life do to my own exploring. I have no kids but the best dog in the world that I would take a bullet for and a man of 6 years. But ever since I can […]