Ive always wondered if life was genuinely worth all the pain and anxiety. It seems like in order for me to live peacefully I need to inflict pain on myself and is that really a way to live? Is it worth feeling this everyday until eventually one day I die? If it’s going to happen at some point anyway then I’d hope for it to happen sooner rather than later to be honest.
Tag:
point
I’m just like sitting here. Just sitting on my bed and thinking about all the things I should do, but I don’t want to move. I don’t have the motivation to do anything. Every other sentence in my head is “What’s the point, I should just kill myself.” I mean I don’t want to do anything, I feel lifeless. It’s not like anyone wants me, I don’t even want me.
I’m at the point of buying a gun. The VFW next door to my apartment building has gun shows/sales every other weekend. I hate guns, but now I need one. Again, I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Even though I’m no longer taking my heart meds, it’s not happening fast enough considering how utterly lonely and miserable I am. My chest feels as if a huge weight is crushing me. The tears and sobbing come without warning. Why do I have to be alive? Why can’t I just drift off to sleep and leave this horrible world behind? 60 years of this crappy existence has […]
Most of my life is dominated by fear. So why not lay it out. What’s the worst thing that I can imagine?
I suppose it’s experiencing neverending pain, torment, horror, terror etc. That’s what ideas of hell tend to invoke. It’s hard to imagine feeling that kind of extreme negative emotion non-stop, for all eternity. Surely you’d become numb to any kind of torture, given enough time. But I can’t dismiss it entirely. The idea of hell has a deep grip on a part of my psyche. Because it feels I deserve that kind of punishment. I can’t really square that with my rational side. I […]
Last month I and my friend had a fight and at some point he asked me why I do this, if it was to seek attention. And since I am thinking: Am I really depressed?
This is getting really confusing and I just don’t know what is real anymore. I barely sleep, I barely eat, food doesn’t taste good anymore, I can’t concentrate, I can’t have fun while I play my favourite games, I used to love reading and writing and drawing but know I don’t. Everything bores me and everything is so exhausting. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts and sometimes I cut myself. And after […]
I’ve attempted suicide 6 times in the last year. The pills are sitting next to me for tonight.
I became suicidal many years ago. I can’t remember quite when. I never acted until this year though.
I started self harming after my fourth attempt. I’m 57 days clean. The blade sits next to me as well, ready to be used.
My family hates me and I have no friends. There is no point for me living anymore. I don’t see why I hold on.
I recently stopped taking my medication. I just flush it down the toilet every morning. The medication makes me feel numb anyway.
I’m so broken I […]
http://youtu.be/0oCtKKNFYnI
Been driving few hours. Fell asleep at the whee few times. Catching up on sleep while I drive. Pretty great. Who says men cant multitask eh? Slumber would be nice at one point though. I might do that. I’m in Kingston. A town few hours west of our nation’s capital. Cool little place. RMC is located here. Our military university for officers to be. An army base is located here obviously and lots of heritage like Old Fort Henry. A fort we defended back in the colonial days. Pretty cool. Been there a few times. Defended it. In my mind from the countless denizens […]
I feel nothing. But at the same time I feel everything. Basically all I can think about is committing suicide. I just want to disappear. I want it all to be gone. I don’t understand what goes on in my mind. I want to be gone. I’m sorry mom and dad. I know I said I would never kill myself I just have to. You want me to be happy and by doing this I will be happy. It’s not your fault. I know I should be greatful for all that I have and I am but all those things don’t make me not want […]
Lately I’ve just been feeling like a shell of the person I used to be. After you’ve been talked down to by nearly all the people you look up to, all the people you called friends, and people that don’t even know you, it starts to weigh down on you. Back in 2010, I lost someone very close to me to suicide. I began my freshman year very lost. I let my grades slip and became extremely recluse. My social anxiety sky rocketed. Like, I couldn’t even ask the teacher questions. That continued all 4 years of high school. I failed nearly all of my […]
Third Post
just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words. You are all good people I’m sure. I’m checking out tonight. Hopefully it will be peaceful and go without any problems. I’ve reached my official breaking point. Be cool and Semper Fi.
Well, I finally got it. I received financial aid and I can go to school now. I felt happy for a few hours, but then I started thinking again. Thinking about what I actually want to do with my life and the truth is I don’t want to do anything with my life. So why go to school? I actually love school because I can learn new things and not think about my pathetic life, but what’s the point. I don’t want to be here anymore. Why should I go to school and pay thousands of dollars to get a big paying job when all […]
sometimes i just want to die! as most of us fucking do but seriously whats the point? to show everyone our life was shit? to let them win? well no thats fucking bullshit if we want to die its their fault and if we do kill ourselves that means that u r letting them win! dont you want to prove to these douche bags that we can achieve our dreams and that we arent worthless and even if we were sexually harrassed, or abused, or just treated terribly, or r strugging with depression dont u want to prove the rest of the world wrong? stay […]
Someone once told me that in order for me to move on in life I have to let go of all of these emotions that are keeping my hostile. So here is my story, that will hopefully help me move on and let go of the past so I can be happier. Including a photo might be my way of letting it all out there my own way. idk ………
I was feeling down today. So I made this account & I suddenly didn’t feel so alone. To know that there are other people out there that I can relate to comforts me in a way. […]
Give me a reason, I see no hope I see no point in existence. We are doomed to wander this plane. Without purpose Without a cause All I know is that…
by Rotted_Flesh
written by Rotted_Flesh
Give me a reason
I see no hope
I see no point in existence
We are doomed to wander this plane
Without purpose
Without a cause
All I know is that…
We are the salt of the Earth
In that we salt this Earth with our bodies
Conceived as a curse
Condemned as a child of waste
We are born hanged
And we die in peace
Lay our bodies to rest
We do not fear death
Usurp our legacy
Spare us an eternity
In Hell
We are nothing but a jilted existence
Conscience in a prison of flesh
Forsaken life
Conceived as a curse
Condemned as a […]
I just dont see the point of why i should continue strugling to survive. It’s as if im surviving to endure more pain. I just dont want to hurt anymore… Cry myself to sleep… Beg for love and attention… Feel fear… I feel sooo empty. I just wanna go.
A song i can relate to….
I think it’s time that I got off the kitchen floor
But is there really any point at all?
Waking up this morning felt the same
Better sleep while life is so mundane
It could have been yesterday that I locked the door
I blocked the windows up so I can’t be sure
Now I haven’t even got the will to eat
I’m lame and self-obsessed, that I will concede
I’d like to light a cigarette but I cannot
The lighter’s dead and the gas has been cut off
I’m the one you always seem to read about
The fire inside my eyes […]
When you come to think of those hard times you’ve been through you would think that you wouldn’t want it to happen again. Even though i have a boyfriend I know that i can’t lean on him when i’m upset or depressed because whats the point in bringing him down as well as myself… there is no point just because i have a fucked up life doesn’t mean i should fuck up anyone else’s and even though it pains me to write on here expressing my feelings i know that others have been feeling the same way as i have been and still am. Don’t […]
The thought of death is soothing. I don’t want to die but I’m afraid of being alive. I’m afraid I’m never going to get out of this. I’m afraid of everything and I want to be alone for a long, long time away from everyone. Everything feels meaningless. Even loving or helping people sounds meaningless. I can’t find a point. I’m tired of trying.
Last weekend I decided on today to be the best day to kill myself. It made a lot more sense than 7/2/15 because I didn’t see a connection in those numbers. But I like, and do like, how 11/30/77 to 7/30/15 looks and sounds. I’m a bit of a numbers freak, so dying on the same day of the month is appealing, along with the connection between my birth year (two 7’s) and it being the 7th month. Close enough. Like I said, I’m a numbers freak and I pay crazy attention to numbers. But what stopped me???? ….
I was (and do still) feel so […]
It’s a terrible statement but I never let it leave my side. That sickening realization that I’m done with this fight. Moments kneeling on the bedroom floor sickened by the entity I had absorbed, no more. I would not let the self-scrutinizing endeavor endure a precipice a monologue questioning my every motive. My disaster stricken heart feeling broken, my emotions quoted spilling out of a broken vase taking the place of what was once your emotion.
Diluted with tears, an open book scribbled with fears engraved pools of ink I’m vocally shook; and I’m tired of telling myself that it’s gonna change.
Taken by the spectacular lie […]