Recently, One of the guys I’ve liked for a long time had told me he loved me and started to give me general sweet talk. He told me we should be together. I eventually broke up with my current boyfriend at the time for this guy. When I did, He told me that It wouldn’t work and that I should go back to my ex. He played me and it honestly broke my heart to hear that. Awhile after that, I took a razor blade across my skin again today. That makes eleven new markings upon my wrist.
You must have wuestionned it once. Or twice. It´s a lame  question, I admit it. (Sorry for my bad english , Brazilian here.) But it´s really how life goes to me right now. I once had friends. But now they are just faces. They still think I´m ok… But I guess I´ll never be anymore. I don´t think there is a place where I can acctualy be heard. I´m alone here , as usual , and triyng to forget all the stupid things I´ve done. I mean , there isn´t no one to blame right? I´m just the only one. Many kids don´t have any […]
Twinkle Twinkle little scars.
How did all this ever start.
Took a razor blade apart.
Slit my wrist and left a mark.
No one cares and why should they.
I’m as messed up as can be.
Twinkle Twinkle little scars.
What will it take to stop my heart.
Cutting those cuts,
feeling the razor blade slice into your skin,
seeing the blood flow…
No, I know it sure,
I will never heal of self mutilation.
NEVER
And those scars will always stay…
ALWAYS
There will come more of them.
Because the feeling I get is indiscribable.
Feeling that pain that’s going through my whole body,
feeling something and feeling numb,
feeling like it’s my best friend,
my best help,
the only thing I can trust.
Yeah, that blade and that stanley knife are really MY best friends.
A little poem written by myself:
And then you’re sitting there,
crying in the corner of the […]
June 20th 2011, a day I will never forget. That was the day I first started to have thoughts of suicide. They spawned from who knows where, it just happened. My family and I were on a road trip in an RV, I was going to the front to see the corn feilds whirring by, when suddenly, I dunno what came over me, but the once innocent eleven year old girl, grabbed the handle to the door, thank God it was locked, who knows what I might’ve done.
September 25th, 2011, My 12th birthday was here, shoulda been happy, but I wasn’t. Sure it looked like […]
Feb. 8th I tried to kill myself. I have never attempted anything like this before, but God knows I have been thinking about it for way too long. I was down stairs doing some practice cuts on my wrist, just to see how hard I needed to press and figure the whole mess out. The first cut was quite demeaning. I think one drop fell out, so I tried again in a new spot, harder this time. This time I got a good amount to come out. As I was getting ready to go even deeper and harder I dropped the razor blade and it […]
I’m here but, not all the way. I feel as if I am dying alive. Thye world is picking at my wounds. My cuts are being doused with ALCOHOL! I no longer feel as if, I am a human. I am hurting inside more than words will allow me to explain. I mutiliated my body again, I slash for each person who has hurt me. I Cant deal with this horrible pain. Shattered glass stabs me from within, I bleed an invisible blood. I drip sorrow from my eyes. Where has all of this anger come from, why are my dreams terrorizing my reality? Why […]
My name is B and I’m lost. I don’t think it’s even possible to be found anymore. You see, I came out of the factory broken. I’m just one of those people that bad things happen to. It’s a fact of life, one I always just accepted. But these past few years have been making it harder to trudge on. I get better, then get worse, then seem to get better again before I fall into a deep dark pit. I can’t tell anyone around me that I need help. I can’t let them know I’m not perfect. I feel like admitting that would make […]
You usually get the job done.. but maybe tonight after having somethine to drink.. you will work even better..
Goodbye clear skin, hello new scars..
The razor blade in my pocket makes me feel safe. The people at school make me feel safe. A hig from my grandmother makes me feel safe. All of these things make me feel safe-why can’t I face them- why can’t I tell my teacher what my father did to me, why cant I tell the truth to my grandmother, why cant I face the blade and kick the habit…I got myself into a compromising situation yesterday. we where playing keep away with my friends shoe I had it and her boyfriend backed me into a corner. I felt trapped, I flashed back to that night and freaked out […]
I cut myself for the first time last night. 7 times with a pair of scissors because I didn’t have a razor blade. As much as it pains me to say this, it actually made me feel better.
So I’ve struggled with depression for years now. I’d say since I was about 13-14. Middle school was when I first contemplated suicide & it was after my very first boyfriend broke up with me. We didn’t date very long & things never got past first base. I’ve always been an emotional person, letting things get to me that shouldn’t.
Well over the years I’ve had my fair share of boyfriends (back to back really), and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I’ve realized I may have developed some co-dependency issues from the lack of knowing how to be alone. And to this day, guys […]
Used a razor blade for the first time, and let me tell you, it’s a far cry from my old blunt carving knife from my less than successful scout days.
I didn’t like it. I’ve been planning to kill myself with them, but… Cold feet again. I feel so disgusted. All these pathetic lines down my left arm, and for what? I can’t escape from here, I’m trapped. It was all just a pipe dream.
I just want to be safe. Safe and happy and oblivious. Dream pretty, achievable dreams. Forget I ever existed and become someone else. Someone who isn’t a complete idiot.
I mean all this […]
After sitting in the bath with a razor blade in my. Thinking I should just do it. Just die. Just get it over with an leave. But then something stopped me. I thought what had led me up to this? What has been so bad that has led me to thinking that killing myself is the best answer. I sat in my bath for about two hours just thinking, and meditating. It doesn’t  have to be like this. I making it like this. I don’t have to be depressed I don’t have to constantly feel bad for myself and only think about my past. Yes […]
I have no friends at school and everyone looks at me like I’m a freak every day. There is a small group of people I normally hang out with, but they just see me as someone who hangs out with them because nobody wants to be friends with the person. Every romantic relationship I’ve ever had ended with every boyfriend either taking advantage of me, cheating on me, or pretending they loved me. I feel like an ugly person and I wanna die already. Nobody would care, not even my own family would care. They hate me so much, and the only person who (sometimes) cares […]
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