Dear God,
I know everyone has hard times in their life. I know people all go through different times, extents, and ways of bad. But I’m wondering why mine seems to be the worst case scenario on all accounts. I’m wondering why I can remember more bad times than good. I know there will be bad times. But there has to be good times too. I’m wondering why you took my mom away. Things seem just have gotten a different type of bad now that she’s gone. My step dad is now drinking himself to death and picking up all my moms old habits. Why […]
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real
Turning 21 next month for some its a happy day that they look forward . for me its the day im going to leave this world if i get the strength. My drepression insomnia ,thoughts and loneliness really doesnt make me want to live to see 21. To me 21 means i get one less year on this earth if i were to stay on it . if the devil were real i’d sell my soul , no not for fame , money or material things i’d just to wish for one person who genuinely cares about me and tells me that i am somebody […]
He is the only thing keeping me going these days. He tells me I’m special and how much he cares for me, what I’m worth, he puts a real smile on my face (the only person who can)… Without out him I wouldn’t be writing this I wouldn’t be here right now. If it wasn’t for his daily words of encouragement I would have taken my life or my mother would have locked me in the insane asylum a long time ago… But thanks to the one person who took the time to understand the time to pay attention and listen. Thanks to him I […]
Why does it suck ass?
-Because I have no real friends. I have ONE person who emailed me Happy Birthday. Oddly enough, more companies send me Happy Birthday emails than real live people. Companies that want my business… O_o
-Because I’m disabled- my hands and legs don’t work well, as well as a bunch of other body parts in between. And I’m in my 30s. Yeah, fuck me.
-Because I have no one to help me
-Because I’m all alone
-Because I’m poor and I can’t dig my way out of poverty when my body and limbs don’t work
-Because life is hard as shit when you’re poor AND disabled AND […]
Ian moone translated into “I am no one” who is my sad depressed lonely side that doesn’t believe in attainable love
Shifty my angry shifty no caring side that doesn’t believe in good hurting others is acceptable
C????? my real name the name of the battleground for the two sides the combination of the two sides some days shifty has mostly won some days Ian has but they both fight
I wrote a story based on the opinions of someone I know, not all opinions expressed are ones I identify with.
“Borderline isn’t abnormal in itself, it’s the manifestation of the human condition under deleterious circumstances. Everyone has abandonment issues, everyone reacts angrily – not always externally angry and sometimes not even consciously angry – to rejection and it isn’t abnormal in itself. Borderline is the aggregation of multiple mental illnesses all into one, I don’t even understand why – they don’t even have a tangible treatment for it so what’s the point in the diagnoses?
“Borderline is a myriad of symptoms of various real mental illnesses, […]
I’m part of a ****** chat room called Crisis-Chat, and most if not all of the users from there, are from here. I was one of the few… okay maybe the only one, to have joined SP AFTER I joined ******. Anyway.
Lots of people post here, lots of people threaten suicide. I seem to do it enough that I might as well post it here for attention, right? I don’t even fucking know what I want to do anymore. I’m tired but I’m not. I’m hungry, but when I eat, I feel sick. My head hurts but its magically fine if I go to take […]
Do you ever think your happy but a repulsive assholes points out your flaws? That happens to me all the time, but look at it this way. You’re a barbie from an outlet store a few bumps and scratches, anyone who doesn’t appreciate You is a snobby asshole. They keep saying they want the real thing, but they’re ignorance has blinded them from the fact that barbie is plastic after all. If you trust me, put “I’m an outlet barbie” in your bio and use the tag #outletbarbie in your pics and I will follow you we can be IG buddies if you want??
So I end my life, and it crushes my family (parents & sister). I don’t want to do that. I don’t think I can do that. I love them, despite all the ways I’ve wronged them.
On the other hand, I stick around, and it’s just painful. I don’t think I can ever form any real connection with anyone, or enjoy their company. There’s large parts of me that are just plain evil, that are unacceptable. I can’t let anyone see who I really am. I’m utterly alone, even when I’m not. My day to day existence is meaningless. I hate being around people, because I […]
I am a married father of 3, in my mid 30’s. I’m not here for help, hope, sympathy, empathy, or support. I just need a place to chronicle this slide. I’ve been in some dark places before but I think this one has been the longest and darkest (more than a year now). There have been some short interruptions, which is why I am probably still here. These interruptions aren’t times of happiness, just times of neutrality. Speaking of happiness, I don’t know if I’ve ever had a even one true moment of happiness in my life. I’ve had moments of excitement, but I don’t […]
I’m pushing 40 and have never gotten to just hold someone, or had a real romantic relationship. I’m too ugly and disfigured for anyone to get close to. I’ve f–cking had it.
When you fall back into your old thoughts and ways. When you wish life could be better or that some how you can just go to sleep and not wake up. I’ve been feeling like complete and total crap the past few months. I’ll be honest my health has been on a steady decline and it sucks. It sucks having ovarian cysts that keep reoccurring more painful each time, have HPV and being at risk for cervical cancer some day especially now since I would have repeated and frequent abnormal cervical cells. Not just that But my joints constantly pop and I have the shingles […]
I wish I knew how to help everybody and sadness wasn’t a real thing. I wish nobody encouraged suicides I just wish words would actually cure depression and it was easier to get help. I wish suicide wasn’t such a common thing it makes me sad that so many people want to die and feel the same way I do. I’m sorry for everybody going through these feelings but make sure you’ve put in all the possible effort you could to be happy before considering suicide. I don’t see suicide as a selfish thing because I feel like if you feel trapped being alive no […]
I’ve been dealing with depression since I was 14, and I suppose the reason I didn’t was because of my dog, and my grandparents. I now live with my grandparents, have been for over 3 years now, and I honestly feel stuck. Like I’m not getting anywhere in my life. I feel like I’m honestly a failure, because I don’t really very hard in college, and every relationship I’ve been really serious about has failed.. I understand things are hard when it’s long distance but all I’m asking is for someone to try.. Not give up when the first bump comes along.. and when it […]
To feel embarrassed for feeling. That is the real killer.
My essence, my essence, oh, eureka . . .
Hurl me, only my good friend knows
I lost or made one tonight
Whoa, but last night
I ate real quick and left
My essence, my essence, oh, eureka . . .
Rolling, my bike
Oh, Eureka
Where are you going
Zodiac, inside
Pegasus versus
To the other side
Totem, I chant to the sky
Hear me, heed, warrior
In two weeks I will be, once again, living in Phoenix. I rented an apartment and bought a bed. It remains to be seen if this return after 6 months in Mexico and 3 months in Los Angeles will be any different from the last stay here (August 2013-14).
I can’t seem to drum up any real excitement. This is a financial move. I’m sure you are all tired of hearing about how I fell into this deep depression and how much I just want to have this life be over and sleeping without loneliness, depression and physical weakness.
Forgive me if I bore you all, forgive […]
As I’m near the end for the third time in 2 1/2 weeks, my main wish is for success. I have read the statistics on suicide attempts over and over. I know the dangers of a failed attempt.
So my realistic, rational wish is to be able to do it right and not leave myself in even worse shape than I’m now. Because as much pain as I’m in now, it would be worse if I fail.
But regardless of that wish, I still have another wish that is not realistic. It’s actually quite irrational, as it is not possible and would never happen.
Those that have read […]
At night time when I’m laying awake in bed I hear voices, I know they’re in my head but they aren’t like normal thoughts; they sound real and alive like someone’s speaking to me. It makes me confused thinking about it because they’re always right but they’re never things I’d personally say to myself or even think in my head. Most of the time they’re negative things, comments on my personality or how I look and act. Other times it’s like they’re trying to make me think that someone’s done something horrible or that I should do something horrible.
I guess I’m just overly confused about […]
I’m not the one with the saddest life or parent problems being physically abused or anyrhing. Si why do i cut? I have no real reason except for tjat i dont have reason not to. Smiling doesnt come easy which is exhausting because im the funny obe in my group just sone suggestions to stop or reasibing why i do would help thanks.