it’s not like I have had a bad life… nothing major has every happened to me but I have always felt kinda depressed and social awkward. I can’t go back to a time where I didn’t feel that way maybe in kindergarten but that would be it. I was never the smartest kid I’m my class an I sometimes needed extra help. I have been bullied and made fun of for years. probably starting in 1st grade till now as a senior… I went through so many stages but nothing really ever helped. I have absolutely tried everything I was anorexic on and off for […]
Tag:
Relationship
i feel so depressed. especially because im at home. i dont have the one person i wish was with me. i saw her today(my best friend that is). my parents wanted me to go to the store with them, but this morning i told my mom i dont wanna go anywhere. and when they left i went right to her house. but i feel sooo bad for what did. i enable her. soo much. and i hate it. she is an addict. even though its hard for me to say that and it breaks my heart to know that. its true though. and i am […]
a combination of happiness and suffering
and smiling and crying
it is a journey God picked
for us to travel and see
who made it to heaven or hell.
I dont think thats fair though.
how do we know where we end up?
Does it even really matter??
We all die eventually.
We are eternally asleep when
we die.
So, no, it doesnt really matter.
Our souls will go across the universe.
Nothing will be destroyed when i
Die.
I dont even believe many people will remember me at all.
So why does all this matter so much?
There have been things on my mind that i just cannot
stop thinking of.
And i dont think those things have answers or
explanations.
For seven years now ive been lieing to myself believing things would get better, people would change….my efforts to hold on would pay off….but ive hit a point where everything has lost meaning and hope….my thoughts of suicide are my only form of happiness now…my life has lost value i no longer see the point in waken up….i cant escape my thoughts no matter how hard i try….everyone doesnt   realize the hurt i feel n why its so easy for me to jus not care about anything…they take it as a  joke n use me as an escape from their lives….ive tried to reach out for […]
My story needs to be told. No one should ever be abused, in any way. It is not only harmful to yourself, but to everyone else around you. This is my story. It is never okay to be abused.
Yes, this is mostly an abuse story. Â But for a lot of that relationship, Â I felt like killing myself. That is NOT your only choice.
When I was in 11th grade, and prior to that grade, I suffered from depression. The “no-one loves me, I just want to die†type. One of my friends happened to be really angry at this one guy so I anonymously texted him […]
so today was a long and bad day. started off a good day though. but i was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of weapon in school, possession of another students property (theft), and possession of lighters. this all happend in school. it sucked. i was in the deans office for like 4 hours. im gonna need to go to court, and i was suspended from school for ten days. might even get expelled. but i dont think i will. then i might need to go to rehab. so my life sucks even more now. i got a mugshot and finger printed too. […]
its hard to hear others tell me everything is going to be ok. ive been waiting for a year and a half for everything to be ok. i’ve ruined my relationship with my boyfriend because of smoking weed and other stuff. now this adds more weight onto my shoulders and gives me more reasons to be depressed and feel suicidal. i know i could never have the ability to do that to my family but i lash out. ive tried to cut my wrist take sleeping pills and choke myself. i feel really embarrassed about these things but im stuck in a shit hole. i […]
She creeps up like a spider, and wants you deep inside her, She turns you into stone, A twisted little show….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
Sorry for the explicit title…..
but that basically sums it up, last year i got into ‘Sexting’ which is gross, i know. i was pressured into by a guy who i thought was a friend, and after a while i started to fall for him, i loved it when he messaged me first and we once even stayed up until five in the morning….That changed amazingly quickly, one day we were doing our thing and the next he got a girlfriend. That hurt.
It fucked me up.a lot. i kinda feel that those past events helped me to become the person i am today.
I feel so dirty and […]
My mother left my father when I was 2 years old. He was an alcoholic and used to be a little violent against my mother.
I’m turning 24 this year.
My father has changed. He doesn’t have a problem with the alcohol now, he drinks, but not every day. He is well now.
He always send me gifts. Birthdays and christmas. This christmas he called me. He’s done it before. We talk, and I love it. Everytime he calls, after we hung up I cry for hours. I so badly want to have a relationship with him, but I’m a coward. I live in another town, so […]
hey everyone, i recently got back together with my old boyfriend, i never really got over him… watching what he does in class, caring when he gets a new girlfriend i really liked him but i made a stupid mistake and i ended the relationship… but now we are back together and i feel happy again, but all some of my friends are acting really disaproving of me with him (he sort of does a bunch of illegal stuff) but i love him so fuck them
After 2 months I thought I got rid of the awful virus that is eating me alive but I shaved my pubic area and the warts came back with a vengance. I’m in constant pain. All I want to do is sleep to escape. In my dreams I am normal again; the girl in my dreams was not date raped by a scum bag, her innocence and her healthy body are intact. But when I wake up I am diseased, damaged goods. It doesn’t matter how attractive and fit I am because I am a disease carrier. I am destined to be alone for the […]
Seven years ago my husband left me and my one year old daughter. Â He was very verbally abusive and I never realized how much he tore me down. Â Since then it has been one bad relationship (if you can call them that) after another. Â I have been smacked around, forced to have sex, and used just for sex and I stupidly believed that people loved me when in fact they were just using me. Â I don’t think anyone has ever really loved me. Â The only person that has kept me going is my daughter but I am starting to think maybe she is better off […]
It feels like I’m living on a roller coaster and I keep getting stuck at the bottom. The past year has been the worst if my life. My parents almost splitting up, my boyfriend attempting suicide, my dad threatening suicide, one of my old friends taking her own life and me being blamed for it. There is no comparison for that type of pain, that agony. I didn’t cause this I had to tell myself just to drag myself out of bed in the morning. People I thought were friends turned their back on me. It hurt. Then another person close to me takes his […]
I have been through it all. I lost my little brother at a really young age and then after losing him watched my whole family fall apart. My mom started drinking, my dad left our family and i was the main caretaker of my 1 year old sister as I was 7. I started craving attention so i would go find guys to say they loved me. Then one got me into pot. Not saying pot is bad. But it completely changed my life around. I didn’t give a fuck about my family or my friends. Just sneaking out seeing my boyfriend and smoking […]
I’m so very afraid of failing. I have failed myself; I have become weak and patheticly sad. I have lost my ability to fight, tread on, or at very least endure. I failed my parents and any other relationship that became an affair of the heart. I am failing my children.  I am failing in my career and by the time my divorce procedes and finalizes, I will only be a financially failed shell of my former self.  –But most of all I am afraid of failing at suicide.
Here i am, 2 and a half months after i fell back into a deep depression. I am young, tired and now ready to pass on to the certain nothingness. I am to talk with the love of my life in a few hours. The very last time I believe I will hear her pulchritudinous voice… I am a young male with OCD, It had lead to a deep depression several years prior. How you may ask, one word, certainty. I am absolutely absessed with certainty, while nothing in life is certain except death. I can only feel comfort when i am certain, my 2 year relationship […]
the second I come home from school it’s like my parents hold in and save all their yelling energy to take it out on me right when I get home. they wonder why I’m afraid to come home and I hate being home. they don’t realize what the do to me actually hurts and effects me. they think oh I can handle it I’ll be fine. yeah right. I’ve been dealing with it for so long and I’m sick of it. just shut the fuck up and go on with your lives and stay out of mine. cuz they just keep making it worse and […]
For as long as I can remember, I always thought that I’d live a shorter life than most people.  I’m not sure why.  But, it’s generally been a thought that has sit with me for many years.  I even had a particular age that would  come to mind.  Well, I’m that age this year.
So, I look at my life now and realize that I have several circumstances that are rather distressing. Â Certainly, many people would say that “life for you is not over” and that I have many options, many good qualities, things will work out, etc. Â True, people would also realize that I have […]
Humans, humanity, and this (earthly) world/life is not/never a perfect place..
sometimes it even can be ‘blamed’ because of our human’s hard-wired Nature. ie: the way we’re ‘created’.
A famous atheist literature Christopher Hitchens who just passed away ironically few days before Christmas, he said this: “Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.”
think about that, really…and this is even still just ONE factor (ie: I’m still not talking about other ‘imperfections’ nature […]