Its been awhile since I was last on here..still feeling the same but at least the thoughts of suicide have gotten better. But I don’t feel better about myself at all and its just getting worse in terms of that. I feel like the I’m the biggest idiot because I allowed myself to have feelings for someone that I probably should of, I made the mistake of being friends with benefits with one of my oldest friends. At the end of the day thats all he’ll ever want is just sex he wont want to be in a relationship with me, I mean why would […]
Tag:
Relationship
I have a boyfriend, who happens to be my first love and real relationship.
I’m 14, almost 15. Don’t tell me I’m too young for love or any other crap like that. So anyways..
We’ve been best friends since July 17th 2011. We’ve talked every day since then. All day, that’s all I would do. Is just talk to him. But we’ve been dating since last June.
He understands me, and the things I go through. We’ve always been there for each other, we’ve had our fights but we usually get through it. Â He makes me happy. I’ve been so miserable my whole life until he […]
I know. I know I’m only 13. I know I can’t be in love. I know I’ve never even gone out with the guy. But I think that, honestly, I love Trevor. But he doesn’t love me. This is why I don’t let my feelings take over. They always make me go back to liking him. He likes Kendall. Well, I mean, he should, considering they go out, but I wish he liked me. I know that everyone would just call me a slut for liking him, but you know what? I know what I am and what I’m not, so I don’t care. I […]
Where do i even start this sob story? I’m only 19 and from the age of 8 ive been depressed and not wanting to live, i tried to commit suicide when i was 15, and now at 19 i feel that low again that im just waiting for the final straw to snap and to do it again although i dont want to die but i dont want to live either, its a confusing stage. It all began when i was 8 and my mum was in a relationship with an abusive asshole who made me feel like shit and played mind games and i […]
You know what I’ve realised? I don’t want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship.
I want one that means something, that’s something I’ve never had.
Whether it’s with a guy or a girl I don’t care, if they mean something to me then that’s all that matters. I want someone that makes me happy and that I can make happy, someone to love and protect but most of all someone that feels the same way about me. I’ve never had a real relationship because I suffer from social anxiety which often holds me back, but for the right person I’m willing to overcome that.
I don’t know what to title this. I realized something two days ago. Almost all pain and suffering comes from caring. Death. You cared very much about the person that died, that’s why you grieve for them, that’s why you miss them. But what about that man who died in the other room? You didn’t know him, so you didn’t really care. Nobody likes death. Why does a relationship with someone hurt when it breaks off? Because you cared for that person, you loved them. Why does t hurt when your parents call you names, when they say that you’ll become nothing in life? Because […]
Number one on the list…
Connor.
That name means so much to me right now, good and bad. I have this friend, I use the term friend loosely, we met at a party just over a month ago. Since we met we have text each other every day for most of the day and we see each other at least once a week, usually more than that. He is amazing. He makes me happy without having to do a single thing, just being around him makes me feel so much better about everything and I don’t know why. I like him and he likes me, but here’s […]
   As I’ve spoken about in previous posts, I’ve had depression, anxiety and paranoid delusions for most of my life and it’s not easy to live with, especially the depression.
    For me, at 11 years old it began with a deep sadness that just never seemed to lift. It spiralled pretty quickly and I began to spend an awful lot of time alone in my bedroom. I felt as though I was the loneliest person in the world because nobody could really relate to what I was feeling. The thing that got to me most was that some people would say things like, “you’re […]
i am 19 years old, I live with mom, my sister studies abroad and my father is rarely home. I have good parents, i know they love me and i know that i love them too. but, i have no idea why every time i’m around my family, especially my mom, i always get pissed, and i’m always angry all the time for no reason. i think a part of me feels that it is kind of my family’s fault because we’re not like a normal family, we don’t go out together, i’m not close with my father and every time i talk with my […]
I wrote this poem the other night. I was hurting so bad, I wish I could kill myself. I have kids though, and I don’t have anyone to take care of them if I did. They are the only reason I am still here walking on this earth. I can’t figure out what exactly is wrong with me. I don’t have any friends anymore. I used to but i found out that none of them really liked me, and were talking behind my back. I have had this happen with anyone I have ever been friends with. it hurts so bad. I have been through […]
Over the course of my short 26 years of life, I have attempted suicide on no less than 8 occasions.
From the age of 11, I was bullied at school, tormented and tortured by grown men who’d wait for me after school and not to mention the troubles I was working through at home and struggling to admit the fact that I am gay, even to myself.
All of this plus a few other reasons landed me in therapy.
From the age of 11 onwards I saw one psychotherapist after another and I’ve been on so many medications that it’s hard to be certain of the exact number. […]
At Age ten I lost connection with the world when I started talking again to my father who was in jail at the time and I haven’t seen in person at the age of four before we moved from our Arizona home all the way to North Carolina. I was told but my mom that she can’t trust me and that I had betrayed her. Our relationship has plummeted to the ground. As I type this shes sitting across the room looking at me every once and a while at me wondering what I’m typing, and she’s probably thinking real hard about something stupid because I’ve lost the love towards her. My step dad whose been put trough […]
So I was talking to someone the other day and she said that writing letters to people helped her get over her hatred and depression…so yea. I’m gonna write a few letters….
Some of them might be vicious, others may be gracious and kind…but we’ll see after I write them.
Dear Austin,
It’s been 8 months since we started dating.
Remember in the beginning, how it was so easy and carefree? We were on the top of the world. No one could stop us…but of course, they tried. When they told us we couldn’t be together, we did it anyway.
And now look at the trouble we’re […]
Im very young only 14 but you would never guess that Im 6 feet 3 inches and always was the big kid.  My parents sheltered me until i was 7 when my mother abandoned us.  I got depressed but i never let out untill my depression turned to rage i got into fights in middle school broke peoples ribs but got off the hook because i did very well in school one day i was blind sided and broke my foot that’s when i got introduced to oxycodone i got addicted it eased my pain and i calmed down i had to steal money from my dad to get the stuff I later  started regularly poping pills whether it […]
I do not know really how long I have been coming here to this website. The archive only goes back to Tuesday Feb 1st, 2011.. I have read a good lot here, I have read a lot of peoples stories. Some are very interesting, some are rather not. I may have posted things here, not quite clear. I don’t think so.
I am a 38 year old man. I turn 39 this May. I doubt I will make it to 40 regardless. I first started in therapy when I was 20 or so, I was still in the Navy then, it was a Navy psychiatrist. I […]
I’m 22 turning 23 this year. I should be over this and be able to handle things life throws at me. For the most part I can but lately, things have just been too much. Since young, I’ve been alone, left to fend for myself. My parents divorced when I was young and my mother got remarried when I was 11 to my stepfather. He wasn’t a bad person in general, it was just that I couldn’t live up to his standards. I be constantly called stupid, treated like I was worthless in the house and he and my mother would fight a lot of […]
I am never good enough. first its school, then its at home, and now my friends. I hate drugs, absolutely hate them and my best friend got this boyfriend who made her int a big ass druggy and now its my fault that her and our other “friends” call me a loser because i don’t do it with them. i changed my Facebook profile picture to me and my boyfriend at prom with her and her ex boyfriend saying “I miss this..” because that was the last time we ever hung out because now shes too busy. (on my birthday i invited her and her […]
Instability is the only stable thing in me
Balance is challenging to me
Maybe I need something like peace
Hello serenity how have you been? It’s been quite a while since my needs were meant, in this parasitical relationship, your lack is hurting me
Hello algidity, you’re stuck in my bones. It’s been such a long time since I remember being warm, in this frigid cowardice, I’m not any closer to free
I’m not being heard and I wonder why, “Why am I”
“Why am I here because I’m not changing much”
The things I say the words I speak
I have to ask “Would I even […]
So many countless times I have thought about killing myself.I wrote suicide letters after everytime I think about it. I have attempted it a couple of times but then I chicken out. I’m scared of death. I don’t know what Is going to happen to me. I wish I could be dead for a couple of seconds then come Back to see what death is and if I’m able to see things again. Will I see eternal darkness, will I be stuck in a happy dream? Or will I be reincarnated as someone or something else?
I used to think that being scared of death right […]
me and my gf broke up about 3 days ago it wasnt just a normal relationship (9months ago i lost my mother to cancer) and this girl was the only thing that  could stop the void and heartache and i dont know i honestly feel lost…