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I’ve been living with my Fiancee for over two years now. Well, I guess I should say ex-Fiancee, even though it kills me to. We had a lot of problems, I won’t lie. In a way, our entire relationship has been building up to its own end.
In the beginning and for at least a year she had a serious jealousy issue. She cut me off from my friends and family and constantly accused me of not really wanting to be with her. She left me countless times just to turn around and take it back. I always let her.
When she eventually started getting better, for […]
Got back home. I didn’t want to cause my family stress/fear… Got semi-forced to continue attending my studies…
No escape… No fuckin’ escape…
Slowly losing the remaining bit of my sanity…
My head hurts…
Almost OD’ed three days ago… It was an accident, me and a couple of friends were celebrating my birthday and we had some chemical fun. I spent about 3 hours shaking and struggling to stay conscious… But I ended up going home safe and downing a couple more beers, finally going to sleep after that.
The way I feel right now is somewhere between really hot and really cold, temperature-speaking… My head feels as if I’m […]
People say that indifference is evil. I agree with this. However, people also claim that the planet is not evil, or good, but indifferent. It is argued that this is a beautiful thing- no reason to be upset about it. This argument has no logical consistency. This seems to be the hallmark of the healthy person, from what I’ve observed- this ability to lie to yourself, to change the facts to fit your opinion, to make the world make more sense to you, so you can keep swimming through all this shit, so you don’t really give a fuck about children dying in other countries, […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Idk if i miss you. Or rather idk if i miss the person i stopped talking to. You weren’t the same person I fell in love with. You had such a major impact on my life that no matter what i do I’ll always know it wouldn’t have happened without you. But you went from lovingly warm to ice cold. I didn’t waiver. You went from open and honest to distant and duplicitous. You pushed me away but […]
It’s so hard on me. It really is. I don’t even know how to feel. It’s like everything is a lie.
The guy I mentioned on my last post has been the cause of my problems. It’s all because I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.
Monday night I was feeling so down about my mom and him and just everything (Tuesday was my mom’s death anniversary) and so I texted him. I said “My mom died 7 years ago. You would understand right?”
His reply?
His exact words were “Ugh I’m sorry I’m not trying to be mean but can you please stop texting me”.
The only […]
I can’t put the knife down.
I need a reason to live. Someone give me a reason to live!!
I love my mother. I love her so much, I don’t ever want to hurt her. My family is the only reason keeping me alive. But right now, I don’t really care about that. I’m too blinded by the pain, I just can’t take it anymore. I want to die so bad.
Cutting has gone this far. The pain doesn’t want to go away anymore. My heart is so heavy.
I don’t feel like I have a right to post here, but I refound something that I would really like for you to watch, even if it makes you hate my guts. Please please give this a go.
Amber afternoon
Too cold to cross the room
Angels patrol our roof
Black eyes and cigarettes
Blue smoke and tenderness
Never leave the bed
You wait for me and I will pick you up right here (x3)
Old souls (x3)
BRB my conscious is going to murder me right now.
i’m scared of going to hell. it’s honestly one of the reasons i haven’t killed myself yet. it probably sounds really silly to anyone who doesn’t believe in it…but i’m going to ask that you don’t mock me for this fear…
although sometimes i think i deserve to burn forever. and to be honest, i’m probably going to hell anyway, whether that be in 60 years when i die a natural death or right this very moment.
Hi folks. I want you to know, you help me get by. I understand you, I feel for you, your stories resonate for me, I am one of you, here I belong. I was never a ‘happy smiley’, I never will be a happy smiley. In fact I militantly stand for the right not to fecking smile lol. I was the only one in my sixth form class not freaking smiling. And I’m not ashamed. I knew life and society sucked back then (though I was lamentably immature and naive in so many other ways). I wasn’t taken in by the hype.
So fuck faking it.
Wow…
If I wasn’t so apathetic right now, I’d be shocked down to my core…
I never thought it possible to get emotionally lower than I was feeling before… But here I am, unable to even think, my last drop of energy being used earlier today when I walked home from my studies…
I don’t even have the energy to kill myself. If I had energy, I’d do it right now, as this is unbearable, but I cannot be bothered to get up from my chair for nothing in the world…
If the building would just collapse on me and excuse me of all the work involved in killing […]
I am not being able to work. I have been in a crisis for six months and I was being able to face work. But this days it’s becoming more and more difficult. I am scared right now.
This is how I feel right now.
Yeah I’m pissed. Why even bother? Why play ganes? I haven’t seen him in a full month and I know I’ll never see him again. He actually messages me asking to come over. Then last minute says he can’t because the other car he had access to died too. Says he had a ride. So why couldn’t the ride have dropped you off here? If you can rent a car you can catch the bus, right? Hasn’t talked to me any more. Just leave me alone then. You got what you fucking wanted. You got rid of the person who cares most about you. Yes […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
So you think that, that’s it. I can’t handle anymore. My life is fucked up. I don’t want to live anymore. I want to die right now. And then you will try to make an attempt, in which you will obviously fail (99.99 % times) and some of you will even fail into making an attempt. You are in pain now but still alive. Now you will try to recover.
But then again something bad (this bad could be anything, some event in real life or just your real imaginary pain in your beautiful mind) will happen. And you will think that’s it. It’s enough. I […]
I finally finished reading My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga. After reading it, it makes me rethink about suiciding. It makes me think that maybe I can be fixed back again. That maybe I can recover. That maybe I can still be saved. But I think what I’m feeling right now is just temporary. I know tomorrow I’ll be depress all over again. But I know somewhere deep inside me, I’m begging to be saved from this black hole.