I will NEVER love myself. I can’t ever picture myself being confident or happy with who I am and happy with how I look. I hate every single thing about myself. I hate my eyes, I hate my hair, I hate my nose, my mouth, my chest, my body, my legs, everything. I hate everything. I can’t even live with myself at this point. I honestly can not picture ever being okay with myself, so if I’m going to live such a miserable life, why am I even alive?
I keep bouncing back and forth on what to think of you. I want to see you for the person you really are. How you avoided me and just walked away when you saw me, how you didn’t come in to pick me up from the police station, how when I pushed you away physically when we were having sex and obviously was uncomfortable, but you kept going, and finally rolled over annoyed, sleeping at opposite ends of the bed, how you probably had sex with other girls while you were doing “business” and crawled back into my bed every single night. The thought of […]
I’ve been depressed for 4 years now. It wasnt that bad in the beginning but as time went by it has gotten nothing but worse to the point where now it literally takes up my entire brain. Every single second of my life except for the time I am unconscious (sleeping) is spent being eaten alive by my depression, unable to think about anything else. How can I not be? I am literally the biggest piece of shit in the world. You think you or someone you know is as worse as can be you are dead wrong because you haven’t heard about me yet, […]
Well I’ll start off with when it all started, about 5 years ago. I made the worst desicion of my life and I will still never tell anyone what happened. I got bullyed at school for years every single day. Nobody would give me a break. I regretted what I had done and everyday people treated me bad. I felt worthless. I stopped caring about everything because nobody cared about me. Only one of my cousins did. I started robbing houses, shoplifting etc. I would smoke weed and just get up to michief with my friends. I started getting in heaps of trouble with the […]
I am an 18 year old male. If this content is too graphic please remove the post, I just don’t have anywhere to turn. Ok, lets get started.
I have a phobia, which entails people thinking I am masturbating. This may sound weird, but it has been developed over the past 4 years, and furthered by constant negative reinforcement.
It all started around the time I was 14, I had begun masturbating prior to this, but before this I really didn’t feel the true motivation to do it. Maybe I am a late bloomer? Anyway, I was caught several times around this age by my mother, and […]
Is it worth it to be sad for loving someone who doesn’t love you back?
Is it worth it to hear all about how much she loves that guy, when in reality all you want is for her to love you?
Is it worth it to hear every single day about that guy that she loves so much, just to not lose her friendship?
Is it worth it to be everyday, every hour, at her side, faking to be okay, when in reality you’re in pain?
Is it worth it to keep the fact that I love her so much as a secret so that […]
I can’t think of a single person who wouldn’t benefit from my death. I can’t think of anyone I’ve ever known who I haven’t screwed over on a regular basis. I take everything for granted, I’m arrogant, obnoxious, stupid and useless and every extra minute I survive seems selfish. Too often someone actually does/says something nice to me and I hate the fact that they can’t despise me as much as I do. For all the talk of, “having so much to live for,” my doing so only seems to lessen what others have. I’ve given nothing to anyone and the only gift I have […]
So most of my anxiety is social. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with Social Anxiety Disorder last October after I had to drop out of taditional high school because I was too anxious to be around so many people. Everyday on the car ride to school i would have a stomach ache because I was so anxious. A couple times I even had to stop at a gas station and throw up. Everytime I would walk down the hallways at school or walk into a classroom I would get sweaty palms, my heart rate would rapidly increase and my breathing would quicken. I have had several […]
Less than a year ago, I had, of what I can say, the lowest point of my life. Every single night, tears were streaming down my face; it engraved canyons in my cheeks. Every single night, I look at the stars and wish everything would just come to an end. Every single night, I ask myself, “Is it wrong to enjoy what life can offer me? ”.
There were so many things I’ve been going through that I’ve kept to myself for so long because I couldn’t let it all out. I didn’t speak up and didn’t make a big deal out of it so […]
I’m sending up a prayer
To the emptiness up stairs
I cry in desperation
And hope that someone hears
I’ve been taught so much
About clinging to my fears
And how a single touch
Can dry up every tear
Who is my saving grace
Does my hero have a name
Should I be looking to myself
To numb all of my pain
I’m tired of trying
Id rather hold your hand
I wouldn’t feel like dying
If someone tried to understand
The title says it all. Every single day i am so fucking depressed and nothing can change that. Many people say tomorrow will be a new and different day and that you will be better. BULSHITS! I am so fucking desperate and every day that i wake up from the 10 minutes that i can close my fucking eyes nothing gets better and nothing is improved. My depression becomes worse and worse, and when i think that this pattern will continue in the following years makes me sad and desperate. Suffering never ends…
So far there have been two things, and only two things that have kept me from committing suicide.
1) Fear of the unknown.
This life is terriable yes, unbearable and causes me suffering every single day. I just want out, I just want it to end and I think I would be doing everyone a great deal if I left now. I would be ridding the world of a horrible, evil person. But I believe in being selfish, all I care for is myself and what worries me is what comes after death. What if it turns out worse than what life is like now? […]
I just can’t go on like this. Every breath hurts when I know I will never see her ever again. And yet every second of every day I long to be with her. Even if it is just one last time. I just want to see her beautiful face once again smile at me the way she used to when she loved me.
I know she doesn’t love me anymore. I cry for hours and hours every single day. I still love her with all my heart, no matter the pain she has caused me. She’s my entire life. Without her I have nothing left. My […]
It’s hard for me to put into words the way I feel. I call it my black cloud. The feeling of loneliness overwhelms me every day… I’m almost more comfortable this way. Its scary to admit that this “black cloud” is actually depression… It takes more of me every single day. I guess my question is when will it end? When will it completely consume me?
Well this is something new for me. I have never posted anything like this before. Im not sure why. My life doesnt seem terrible by any means compared to some of the things Ive red on this website. I have a supportive family, friends who care about me very much. I am an educated individual who served in the military and holds a good job now. Then why may I ask do I struggle every single day with ending my life? The last 4 months have been a 180 degree change. I lost the love of my life through my own faults and coming to […]
So I went to a shrink today and he asked me about my dating history and said that being alone may cause loneliness. No shit, Sherlock.
I’ve been single for two and a half years, but I had trust issues before the last girl I dated and she turned out to be a cheating whore. You can’t blame me for refusing to trust anyone. The shrink said my sense of self worth would probably be better if I started dating, but I’m uglier than a Chinese Crested and I have no social skills. It’s not like I’m incapable of being alone, I’m pretty fucking good at […]
I have a lot on my mind lately. Stupid things, really. But I feel very isolated. Unlovable. More and more, I just want to be alone. To sleep or to read. Part of it is that my boys are growing up (21 and 17) and don’t need their mom as much these days (I mean, except for food. And laundry.) My family is not close (honestly, we could fill a Wal-Mart with our crazy) and my friends, well, they don’t want to be that close. Not their fault. My issues run deep and wide. Still, I have always wanted someone for me. A friend, a […]
I thought I had her back… I thought we would be happy again… No, I always ruin the good things in my life… I have decided it is my time to leave. I can’t be here anymore. I can’t wake up every single day hating myself and everything that I have done to people. I just can’t do this anymore. I wake up every morning wondering how bad I am going to mess up again… I try to put up a fake smile but it’s never enough… I am gonna go tonight. Maybe all the people I have ever hurt will be happy I’m gone. […]
Just some thoughts…. It makes me feel sad how I’m always there for someone else in there time of need , but when I need someone no one is ever there for me. It also frustrates me how I always ask my friends every single day how they are doing and making sure they are OK and most of my friends don’t even ask me if I’m OK. Even when I tell them I’m sad or upset or depressed, they don’t even acknowledge the fact that I am upset and could just use a friend. I’m tired of being there for others when no one […]
My mother’s boyfriend hanged himself ten months ago.
I didn’t saw him, but for ten months, I’ve been having nightmares every single night. About him, or about hanging myself. I still think about him every day.
Things were really bad before he killed himself. But now, he just left a hell.
He was a good man. He was generous and kind. But he just cared to much about everything. Any small critic, any argument would drown him. Every thing that he couldn’t afford would make him anxious.
Yes, he was depressed, but no one thought that he was suicidal. And one morning… the surprise.
I try not to blame him. […]