Buried under self-inflicted fate, I spend a thousand silent nights awake/Falling into dreams of pain, waiting for the light of day, to wash away this burning sin/This torment searching for a new victim / Looking forward to the day I die, I never found a way to live/Turn back now, before it’s too late/Seething hate and leaking faith, hold me up before I break/A fragile heart and darkened mind, this is your time, this is your time/Follow the crumbs that I leave, leading to a black heaven/You know the way this story ends/Lift me up and start again/Waiting for the voice that fades, straining to […]
I kept seeing movies and artworks like The Matrix, Avatar, Trons, Paprika (a 2006 anime, you guys have to really google youtube the trailer to know what I mean!), even from video games such as Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, etc
and then suddenly I ponder and saying to myself wow, all these humans’ creations & imaginations are really really fantastic and mind-blowing, that I wish they would be the real heaven, instead of the biblical heaven!
I mean gosh..it seems to me that the idea of biblical heaven seems to be: gold pavements (ew, boring), playing harp in eternity with God (ew, boring boring), and […]
I like sooo want it over. Take the white pill, swallow it whole and everything will be okay…that’s the best advice I have ever recieved. Just kill me now.
I need a list of ways to kill myself. Please give me details.
Here’s a short bio:
I’ve been depressed since I was about 12. I’m 19 now. I tried killing myself when I was 17. I took an overdose of Lexapro and antihistamines. I probably took about 90 pills in all but I did not die (obviously). I spent about a week at the hospital. They changed my meds and released me more messed up than I was before. Since then I’ve still thought about trying to kill myself again. I still want to go with pills but just in case I need alternatives. Please give […]
sometimes I just feel that I don’t belong in this “real world”,..I’m such a “head in the clouds” person and NOT a ‘practical’ person,..which is unfortunately everything this so-called “real world” really needed 
how many of you here can relate very much with what I’m saying here?
and how do you handle it daily?
by ‘grinding’ through it?..like a machine?..
or by ‘creating’ your own reality, or even an alternate reality of yours?
by escaping frequently?..
*sigh*..this real world can be way too dull, uninspiring, bland, and ‘dry’ for my vivid imaginations…
The world is an empty abyss. My soul is simply roaming through it, without a purpose. I am a lonely, terrible soul, wandering through this horrific place.
As I lay in my bed, I gaze up at the ceiling, just thinking. Sleep seems to be my only escape from this world…if only I could sleep forever.
Two “poems” that I’ve had as my Facebook status.
NORTH. [god is a corpse you can talk to with roses]. I hate it [youre there arent you]. I wake up each day in tears[sometimes bleeding]. I always have. Instead of eating i cut. I am the poster girl for cocaine abuse. Maybe Im already dead. I feel like it. I cant honestly be here. Can i. It hurts so much. dont believe in depression[or a god or deity]. dont want to. didnt feel like it so I never [fucking] tried. [girl] didnt eat cause girl was afraid. Never liked music cause music is false. wanted to die since thirteen. didnt throw up Im always […]
Yeh pretty much the whole world has fucked up since you left.
My own mother hates me[find me].
I am black silk cigarette smoke. tarnished sticky suicide addict. I refuse to move. I cant breath. I cant understand these people. and lets face it why would I. I havent washed in ten days. My hair is greasy. I’m unemployed. I cut it off some weeks ago, so its not like, getting in my tired face or anything. I sleep all day. Â [pretend to be dead girl cause the woman inside is dying to leave]. In New York the temperature is three degrees below zero. Maybe i tried […]
So by now, I’m sure many (if not all) of you must have been wondering: with all these shits and fuck-ups happening in my life, what is then really the Purpose of my Life?? And I mean, fuck, what is Life really all about??
(it’s funny, strange, and yet still an unexplored *mystery* in itself of why we humans can at one point always seem to ask about this ‘big’ question, especially when we’re in our lowest point in Life. It makes you think & ponder deeply, despite that “Life goes on”).
How about this: Life on this Planet (& Universe, for that matter) is only […]
A beautiful song by The Smiths. This is one of my all time favorite songs about suicide and wanting to die. I love it as it’s one of the handful of non metal songs about the subject so isn’t sensationalist but alot more reflective, thoughtful and melancholy and as such is far more powerful! So please enjoy it…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGIii_eTOk&feature=fvwrel
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Most 13 and 14 year olds would be asleep by now, or at least sneaking around having fun. But not me. I’m awake, and dancing with the devil.
I know staying up all night gain won’t make the bags under my eyes any better than dreaming. Trying is pointless anyway, it will always end the same.
My dreams are never actual dreams, only inescapable nightmares. Just another form of torture God decided that I deserved. The big problem with the dreams, is that they are actually my worst memories made even more gory and traumatizing by my overactive imgination. These dreams are the elite of […]
Okay, so I’m starting a new thread because I was hijacking someone elses with my problems and that’s not fair at all, I feel really bad about doing that. I’m sorry.
I basically wrote my story in a comment so I’ll just paste it here and explain a little more.
Such a long story.. I was so desperate last night. I still am and I don’t know what to do. I’m 20 years old, still living at home and I don’t have a job. My biological dad killed himself as did my uncle, we were very close. My mom, who has been married to another man for […]
just can’t take this pain, just want it to be over , just wish I could find the cojones to do it. just can’t stop crying just can’t sleep just don’t wnat to leave my house, just so filled with self loathing, just so damn pathetic
This will be my first post here. Hello.
A couple years ago I attempted to overdose on sleeping pills. I was on anti-depressants that I had been taking irregularly because I had just moved into a new, very tiny, apartment with my new girlfriend. We had been together for a little under a year. In addition to anti-depressants I had some perscription sleep meds, and one night after weeks and weeks of worsening depression, I decided I would take them all.
I sat on the bathroom floor for an hour, and just stared at the walls. After that I went outside and stared at the sky for […]
I really don’t know what to do anymore. My life is going downhill. My few friends are turning against me. It feels like nobody wants me here, so if I ended my life, everyone would be happier. I want to end my life, but I am too afraid to take the necessary actions to do so. I sleep eleven hours a night, which is three hours longer than I used to sleep, plus i wake up at 4 am and cant go back to sleep for about twenty minutes. I am rarely hungry and last night i felt really dizzy for about two hours. I […]
Well, to be honest I don’t know why I’m here. To be blunt some random guy in a gaming community suddenly linked me to this site out of the blue and I decided that what the heck, I’d share my story since I’ve had self-destructive if not suicidal thoughts lately.
My mother was my world, I was not close to any of my other immediate family members. She’d had cancer for nearly nine years when she finally passed away. My world and life collapsed. I spent a whole week doing nothing but lying in my room, I didn’t eat, I barely slept; I simply laid on […]
alright, this is my first post…..
i just found about this site a few minutes ago
i googled ‘suicide’ and this is it.
i’ll try and make it straight and plain.
i just don’t feel like anything matters. yes, i try my best and i am a good student and i always try to be a good friend. but there’s always been this thought inside my head, everytime i close my eyes or try to sleep, the thought “i don’t belong here. i don’t want to be here anymore.”
To try and describe the way i feel, i’m hysterically crying and i can’t stop thinking about those thoughts. I recognize […]
That is how I feel. I can’t believe I’m actually at a site like this but it’s getting worse. I’ve long felt I was depressed (my entire life), but this is the first time I’ve actually called it quits. I love life and the experiences of living, I just hate my own life and would wish it upon nobody. I think the only reason why I haven’t succeeded in killing myself is because of one relative in my life.  I have to outlive them. But once they go, my expiration will be soon after. Probably the same day.
There is absolutely nothing wrong in my life with the […]
My dad’s job makes us move around alot and i’ve finally had enough, I can’t take losing all my friends over and over again. I started cutting a while bck, after my grandad ahd died, and sme teachers noticed it and put me into counciling which helped for a while but then a teacher who was realli helping me deal with everythink, she wasn’t judging me or anythink like that but she seems to have forgotten about me and once again I’m left alone with no-oneto talk to no-one to lean on or nothink. I feel as if I’m invissible. My friends talk about me behind my […]
I was at the hospital the past couple of weeks & I’m so scared. I’m 18 and I’ve been homeless since Jan., I weigh 70 lbs & I’m barely alive. Everytime my brain tumor goes away, Humphrey (yes I named it) comes back & I’m so sick of hospitals & life. Then they said I was dangerous to others & wanted to send me to a mental institution but I barely dodged a bullet and left. Since I was 8 I’ve had to rely on someone else to help me live [AKA hospitals/doctors] & I hate it. I hate bothering people. I’ve attempted suicide but was […]