So my escape plan is currently in action I can slowly feel myself becoming happier my consciousness is slowly fading so thought fuck it anyone wanna chat? >.<
-Suicide
Out of sight, out of mind
Memories recalled, painful objects of misery
Reliving the past, again and again, everyday is the same as yesterday
Perseverence, that’s all I have to show for myself, unless this bitter story comes to an end
Constant war between the world and me, just leave me be
All of this can’t be pointless, the meaning is hidden between the lines
Finding the truth is only the first step
Buried beneath guilt and shame, I’m slowly fading away
My only solice is in my sleep, my annoyminity
Wearing my mask, day by day, faking my smile and my display
Regressing back to square one
Alone […]
I just choked myself for quite a while but slowly released my neck.
I’m slowly eating my self fat again fuck my life I just come to terms with that I got a eating disorder now I’m binge eating and I can’t stop it’s just one thing after the other please kill me now I can’t take this shit no more
its that fucking void inside that fucking void always needs to be filled with something anything to fill it what a that fucking void it’s a empty space deep inside me but I don’t no what it is but I do no it dose what ever it takes to be filled u really do hate myself
Sometimes when I close my eyes
I can hear a demon telling me lies
I know his words are not true
His words are only lies about you
Before he finishes what he wants to say
I ignore and order him to go away
He laughs and says his goodbyes
But I know those are also lies
No matter how many lies he weaves
I ignore them until he leaves
But one day I heard the closing of a door
Since then I could not hear him anymore
Finally the demon has given up
Finally the demon’s lies has stopped
But where and why did he go
That’s an answer I do wish to know
I do not see any reason […]
The lighting is noticeably awful and I couldn’t get a good angle so it makes my shading and tones patchy when they’re not, but I finally finished working into this piece for college (there’s shadows over the drawing, but we’re pretending they’re not there now).
Everything’s getting worse slowly, so it didn’t turn it as well as it was supposed to, but I can live with it.
Originally I had typed up about my horrible day, but I decided against posting it. So instead, […]
Sometimes I think about how lucky deathroll people are. One lethal injection and slowly drift away. I wish I could magically trade places with one of them the day of their execution.
(void)
Shaking violently;
Plunged into a dark,wet…abyss
Tiny bubbles escape me.
Each containing a dream,
An idea, a memory.
Futilely, I gasp;
Trying to breathe them back in.
Filling myself with vacuity.
The bubbles slowly dissipate.
I become what nothing is.
Guess I’m going to “beat this dead horse” a bit more, sorry AgentQ.
Short sequence of events from approximately late o’clock last night/this morning:
– Put on some chill and somewhat sad music and decided to check SP (I like to be thematically appropriate, what can I say).
– Noticed that “twix this rainbow” had been blowing up the forum, post after post. Wondered what was up.
– Realized what was up.
– Read the posts from the beginning, tears occasionally springing up here and there.
– Thought and wondered for a bit, considering the possibility that the person whose words I had just read had died or at least had […]
I am not sure if this is going to break the rules or not and I am sorry in advance if it does.
Tonight at 11pm GMT I will start the song that I have already decided I will fall “asleep” too. At the start of the song, I will drink my “sleepy time” juice followed with a shot of vodka to make it even more so. I should be asleep within 90 secs-2 mins. Long before my favorite song will end. Its the one I always dance to when I do ballet.
While I will be all alone for this moment, I would like very much […]
(yeah it might be silly to include a trigger warning on a site about suicide, but this is a little outside of the normal realm of discussion, and i don’t want to ruin anyone’s day by triggering them.)
i’m thinking about buying cigarettes. i’ve never smoked one in my life, but suddenly i have the urge to. i think it’s because self-harming (i.e. cutting and/or beating) isn’t helping anymore, not like it used to. usually when i self-harm, my urge to kill myself lessens, loses its edge. but this time, i feel the same. i still feel like the floor is coming apart under me, like […]
..And sick fascination, glued to the screen of its descent. Binge watching the drama of your life unravelling, slowly, season by season. Gripping entertainment at its worst. No matter the warnings, ominous music threatening the hero’s demise, still you sit back with popcorn and watch it happen. Almost in a way, dysfunctionally, satisfied at the continuing destruction before you…”How much worse can it get? Ooo, lets tune in next week and see”. Somehow paralyzed, unable to gain access to the writer’s room and alter the narrative, however fully aware you know you own the studio, licensing and creative rights.. At least that’s how it feels […]
Monday is when I go back to college but I’ve been falling slowly now. My grip on life is getting weaker by the day. Yet, I realized I’m beyond saving, be it by my own strength or another person’s. At the beginning of this forked path, I’ll post every uplifting/encouraging Japanese song I know for a week or so. The first one is Only Human by K, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppINLeLEnFo. Here’s hoping it helps you more than it did me.
Nihilism hit me hard in my seventeenth year of existence. Pretty much all my life i’ve been looking for some “truth” or purpose behind the universe, so the realisation that we are monkeys on a rock, slowly parading towards our deaths while filling the time with seemingly pointless endeavours was quite hard to swallow.
So, why are you alive? Whats your point?
For me, its the gym. I dont know what it is about it, but when i go, my mind clears and its just a battle of me against myself, having to push myself to the edge.
Despite all my efforts to keep myself from over thinking things and trying to live life, I feel really low and alone today. This mood has just come out of no where and it’s dragging me right down.. Suicidal thoughts slowly creeping in the back of my mind again. I have no one to talk to
If I can remember correctly I got depression two years ago when I was 13. I only had it for a little bit and at the time I had no idea why I was so sad and what depression really meant. I started ignoring the feeling and I believe I wasn’t sad, but I still struggled to get by.
About five months ago I got really depressed, and it was quite severe still I managed to do things. About three months ago it slowly got worse and I couldn’t concentrate for very long, I started trying to get away from people, I have plans to leave […]
Struggling to fight my morbid side, that’s what I call it. Still holding strong or so I hear. I feel like I’m flailing all the time. Barely in control but maybe that’s what I want to think.
Death comes slowly but surely. All I have to do is wait. Till then I’ll give it somewhere between 60 and 80 percent.
Take care all.
I know there’s nothing you can do, but I can’t be left alone, my mind is set on self distruct and I’m slowly hindering my body, constant hope constant fall when will she learn, never I supose, will there be an end were I just give up and surrender, or let go of my controls cause I always black out I always choose the wrong answer I just want to know I just want to belive in myself. Today I already made a mistake but I’ll try again. Hopefully this try will finally be Ill do.
Do you ever just lay there and listen to the way your house breathes? Do you ever just lay there and watch as the shadows on your wall slowly change and grow as the time passes and the suns position changes? I can feel my depression breathing deep in my gut, spreading its shadow into my heart. It ways heavily and I fear there is not much I can do to stop it anymore. Slowing it seems to be my only option, but its triumph is inevitable. I hate feeling this way. I wish there was an option to surgically remove this depression and anxiety. […]