On good days she feeds you with crumbs. You are irrelevant. You are only the host that carries the attention that she craves. She smiles at the ease with which you’ve flayed yourself open for her to take. She tosses you scraps of your own ignorance. The trail of hope  that keeps you coming back. She’ll peck until there is no more. You give because you know that if you stop, she will stop. She has no capacity to love. You have too much. You can only speak of the darkness in cliches. Your screams to God tearing through the sky like unholy devastation. Finding […]
Tag:
Smile
I’ve always managed my depression very well. But recently over the last 4 months I have just seemed to sink lower and lower. Now I know it probably hasn’t helped I’ve bottled up my feelings in the past.
But anyway the main problem is I’ve lost my smile, confidence and my ability to interact socially.
See about ten years ago I was a very recluse person and if I did go out I was always a loner. Then I met my best mate and he brought the best out of me.
Now ten years later he now lives in a different town and I’ve started […]
To me, life was an incandescent glow of pure hatred and envy.
It didn’t matter if my mother was dead or alive, because nobody cared.
& like every other life, the world would move on, and I will become nothing but an unwritten part of history.
Every day was painfully alike. Made up of an accumulation of insignificant moments.
Brushing my teeth, combing my hair, getting teased and beaten; all these moments, all these tiny deeds that have accumulated and has become what is now my life.
And each day I would wait, and think that there was a reward waiting for me in the […]
I can say alot about myself. I could tell you i’m happy and have wonderful days with wonderful people and everything’s going just wonderful. But that would be a lie. I’m not happy. Things and people aren’t wonderful. This isn’t a movie where the hopeless maiden gets saved by prince charming or something. No. That never happens and whoever told you that needs to get smacked in the face. At 6, i was mallested for 2 straight years. At 10, i was overweight. At 12/13, i had an eating disorder. At 14, i gave up my everything to a boy who never cared a thing […]
i need to keep busy because every time I’m not I’m more sad and i only think of how I’m gonna be alone forever…
kayso… I’ve told you guys about my break up… it was on january 2nd and ever since that night i cry myself to sleep every night…
theres two other guys….they both like me.. but also live far away… and i know i like them… but it hurts to admit it becuz i feel so guilty… i miss my boyfriend so much…. and they other two guys are trying to cheer me up and make me happy…. and it works… but as soon […]
My dad hates me – he abandoned me. He never wanted me. dad left me and mom when I was about 2 years old so I really don’t remember – but I have a feeling he used to be fun – I seem to remember we used to play and laugh a lot. But I don’t really remember because I was so young. Mom says he left us because he hates us.
I did see dad a few times … the last time I was twelve … I’m 17 now. when I would see him He smiled and laughed and his eyes twinkled like they were […]
I’m at the point in my life my 23 year old life…Where I’m wondering is this world a state of my own design…Have I created this person that lives inside of me are is it as they say “Clinical Depressionâ€â€¦I’ve been this way for so long that I don’t know what happiness is…To the outside world have
everything a person could want are need but to me it’s like something is always missing…I’m always seeking that small unattainable piece of happiness that never seems to come my way…I push away people even though I need them more then air…I can’t work are go to school […]
let me start by saying, i tried to kill myself in 2003 by slitting my wrists, i made a mistake of doing it outside and i made such a scene that i was found before i could end what i had started (pity).I have never spoken to any of my friends about that night.The only person who knows what happened is me so i hope i press publish (Which will be a big moment for me ).Roll forward to 2012 and the battle inside is in full flow.I havent had a job since 2003 either which hasnt helped me (i have something wrong with me which makes it nearly impossible for anyone to […]
i find myself smiling a lot. mainly because of A.S as i talked about in a previous post. there aren’t to many people on this earth that can make me smile and happy and actually truly laugh every time they open their mouth…. 3 to be exact… i wonder whats gonna happen when they leave me like everyone else.
I don’t particularly think my story is of any significance, nor do I think anything particularly bad has happened to me, but I shall share my story anyway because of the simple fact that I want to.
I shall begin with the fact that I’ve always hated my father, as far back as I can remember he has always annoyed me, with his selfishness, lack of manners and personal space, I swear, if I even began insulting him, I could never stop. People say I have a really good memory but the truth is, I don’t I can’t exactly remember anything before the age of […]
I see the dishes clatter and fall.
I feel your breath on my face as you scream at me.
You hit my face.
My arms.
My ears.
I taste my salty blood.
At least the ringing in my ears is gone.
I see mother crying
Almost as if she’s begging you to stop.
You swing at me again.
My face to the floor.
How do I explain these bruises?
I won’t tell.
I won’t tell.
I’ll just smile to the wary eyes.
I’ll just wave it off.
No big deal.
No one will know your problem.
I don’t know why I exist
But maybe I’ll live to […]
Of all the people on my dad’s side of the family I missed talking to the the most, it was my older cousin Carson.
Carson and I used to be close as kids, when my father was part of my life. We are only two years apart and to him and I it’s always felt like nothing. He’s the closest thing I ever had to a brother, more so then my own brother even. That’s why when he decided to come down to my father’s house I didn’t think much about it, all I could wonder about was what he was going to be like now […]
It will never be ok…
people people pls
hear my tears ive cried
Im 14 and living with my mom brother and dog
i have a scar on my arm im contemplatin to cut open again ive cut my wrist 3times took 8 advils and choked my self with a belt twice
life for me is hell im scared to die but im ready
i hope someone here  i dnt care how old what gender suicidal or not I NEED HELP
Someone hear my heart i cry in my sleep i lost my great grandmother been heartbroken three times twice  by the same guy i cry alot
smile less im so ugly im scared to look decent […]
Too deep to hurt,
yet too painful to ignore,
i try to forget,
but there’s blood on my floor.
screaming inside,
but mouth swollen into a smile,
i sing a song,
cause i know I’ll be here awhile.
it stings and it burns,
like fire among us,
but don’t worry at all,
i won’t make a fuss.
if you see me lie here,
just laugh and walk away,
because some things are just too fast to see,
and for a mistake you will pay.
I’m shattering inside,
a heart of broken glass,
yet with each new strike,
the pain starts to pass.
as I’ve told you before,
my mouth is […]
you cant just fucking sit around for one god dam day and just feeling sorry for your self for a little bit
no not with out someone bitching at you saying its your own fault your life is shity
and that one person who says it is some stupid ***** who could give a fuck less about me but is sapposidly
sapossed to love me idk…… honestly im so angry at the world that i dont give a fuck about anything or any
one any more. Its like i cant show emotions
so i hide them become angry but have no one to take it out on…..
I just really dont […]
With a heartbeat
dragged screaming from my rest
They cut me short.
Im a God whore now
Hiding under desks to hide away from people.
Whats with this Shyness
No dont do that
No Dont think that
Its Gods Will
Its wrong
Its Evil
They Laugh
They are Happy
Have Friends
They all going to hell
What is this wall
I can see you
What is wrong with me
Where is your sense of pride boy
Happy moments
Sad sack
There are people I love so much
And […]
I have been reading some of the stories which describe such deep pain that I wish I didn’t feel. I am tired of feeling. I am tired of being an outcast and a victim. My mother and my father sexually abused me as a child. However, they always appeared as the “good” churchgoing couple for the last 30 years plus. How do some people live a life of hypocrisy and crime, get away with it and even prosper? I didn’t remember the abuse until years later. Although, through the years there were hints, signs and flashes until it finally came together and I chose to deal with the […]
Ever since my mom died when i was 14 i’ve been depressed. I was a momma’s girl, i slept in the bed with her till i was 12. Alot of things happened to me as a child. My father left when i was 3 and I was molested by a friend of the family when i was 8. I remember being really shy as a child and scared of everyone and everything. I was constantly teased by my older sisters for being so cringy and i’d cry. Then one friday morning, after fighting a long battle of breast cancer, my mother died in her bedroom. When she died noone even acknowledged my presence. […]
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have you been taken advantage of by every person youve met
have you been nice followed the rules and yet , still gotten in stupid trouble all of the time
have you been physically abused as a child on a daily basis but lied to afterwards
the police would come too often after you getten chased around your house, yet what a good family life my ass
abused mentally too , every day of your life,
was your father a drug addict, alcoholic and drug dealer?
Did you have no friends , and been alone in your head since you were young enough to crawl
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