Well after years of social isolation suicidal depression and stress the chickens are finally coming home to roost. I no longer have the will to live and spend half the day in bed. I am on antipsychotic medication and am due a hospital assessment to determine whether I need hospitalizing. As a loser and social misfit I need a miracle to get out of this trap. Suicide is of course so final and hard to face but I feel is my only option as my life has become sheer agony. My only tears are for those I’ll leave behind. No one can help me, no […]
I think it was the first time this year. My social skill definitely have taken a toll because of it.
But i’m back alone in my dark small room now. ugh this is how my whole life is gonna be. i don’t want it. ill just die now thanks.
I’ve seen a bunch of therapists in the 14 years since I was first diagnosed with depression. None of them have been particularly effective. I guess that’s not surprising, given that I tend to use negative thoughts as a mechanism to avoid situations that are scary or tend to result in emotional pain. A therapist can give me a technique to challenge my thoughts or a behavior to lessen the power of those thoughts, but I’ve rarely tried any of them because I don’t actually want to challenge my thoughts. If I do, I know I will be likely to drag myself right back out […]
I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, Existential Depression, with Suicidal Ideation. I’m from Detroit, MI. My primary full-time job has been working as an EMT for the past 10 years but I am also a DJ/producer. I’ve worked with, and been around some well known artists and I am moderately well known in the DJ community here […]
Anyone have experience with therapists? I have social anxiety and I think its leading to depression, but I refuse to go to someone who’s gonna throw me some pills and kick me out.
Ever since I could remember I have been bullied and made a social out cast not only at school but at home as well. My father is a bad man and he has since been put in jail. My older two brothers aren’t exactly model siblings, and my mum takes all her anger and frustration out on me, even though I’m not a defiant child.
So as far back as I can remember I have felt these depressing feelings and have suffered from many mental illnesses. My mother, whom does not believe in that kind of thing, has been emotionally and physicaly abusing me since I […]
I feel like I’ve exhausted the people I can talk to. I’m just boring people with my suicidal state now and I’m scared of driving people away.
I talk to friends. I rant on social media. I feel like I’m just wasting time talking to volunteers of hotlines. I post here. None of it makes me feel better or is cathartic in any way. It’s just something to do because my brain won’t let me do anything else.
Fuck me.
So I’ve been absent from this site for awhile. I’ve been busy clearing out my shit and NO WAY IN HELL would I have imagined what a heap of junk I’ve accumulated; I actually wish I had a huge pit of fire to throw it all into lol..I know this is something I have to do or I’ll feel like I’ve left a mess behind and I believe that would fuk me over if there is an afterlife..I’m just covering all my angles here. ITS STRESSFUL as for some reason I still have attachments to some of the junk but at the same time I’m […]
Im so alone i have no friends at all not even online friends, ive had some online friends but that was a while ago. I cant remember the last time ive connected to anyone irl. I dont have very good social skills irl and im fucking shy as hell. Ive been in school since oct and have not made a single friend. I miss those 1 to 1 human interactions its so hard to go on everyday
I don’t particularly want to kill myself, but it has become the only practical solution. I believe some people aren’t meant to make it in this world, and that I am one of them. I learned how to pretend and act normal socially, but I can’t maintain it. When there’s no one telling me what to do, I just sit there, so I find it very hard to pretend to have a personality in a workplace or in order to maintain any human relationship. For a while, it works, because I can listen to other people and run around and have fun, and talk to many […]
I’ve been working a dead end job in a tiny racist town, known for being religious nutjobs, rednecks and KKK members. I could just end my story there and it would make sense, but im not done ranting.
My boss hired me under the table, so i do not pay taxes and cannot use my job on my resumee to find a new job. I pump gas 37.5 hours a week. There is no room for promotions or raises, i make minumum wage and forever will. My co-worker makes more than me, and works the exact same hours and the exact same job title. Ive been here […]
My best friend recently quit university and went to rehab because of her depression/social anxiety. I wish I had the ability to just do that, I wish I had parents who took me seriously. Then again, I can’t blame them, since I have a brother who fought epilepsy for years and is still recovering. They already have one problematic child to take care of. I have to just shut up, I guess.
Also, my best friend isn’t answering my messages, or anyone’s for that matter. I have lost the only person that helped me get through my darkest times. There’s no one else to trust.
I started a new smaller school back in October and basically its for kids with emotional and social problems. It is now the end of February and I haven’t made a single friend which I guess is kinda sad but I’m just really bad with social interactions. I basically sit at the corner seat and dont talk to anyone all day. There is this girl who loves anime (I also love anime) and I would say I have a really good chance with her but its so hard for me to talk to her because I hardly ever see her and shes not in any […]
Anyone have any ideas for social interaction online? I mean a place that placates to the mentally ill, but is already well established. I just want to talk to some people, my social issues are too much to handle in real person, and I am just kinda lonely.
Any tips would be appreciated.
Time has come. The moment when I feel like my ressources are becoming too thin to help me deal with the damages caused by a series of traumas that happened for seven years, leaving me with sole compagny our dear friend depression and collateral damages for over ten lovely springs. The urge to kill myself has been within me for so long that it shaped my life, my personnality and most certainly my abailities. Nethertheless, there are people I love and who care about me so I cannot make the jump as I think is the case for many other peeps around here. This attachement […]
They say mental trauma is an invisible wound. I would have to disagree , I can see it in the mirror everyday and I’m sure that those that used to know me before can see
it in my social life.
Everyday I wake up trying to predict my day as being good/average, yet it always turns out to be bad through complete isolation, random stressers appearing out of nowhere, and deception from practically everyone I meet in society. Why are there so many Hippocratic values being expressed by such inconspicuous people, for when I attempt to befriend somebody natural instinct and hormones take over their mind and they become hostile towards me when all I want to do is make a friend. All of my old friends have betrayed or disappeared on me when I need them the most, which is during this unpredictable time. […]
Just tried some impromptu exposure therapy. I have pretty severe anxiety. I cant remember the last time i did something as simple as shop at multiple places without having full out or precursor panic attack. Im pretty happy so far today I went to multiple places without being anxious. Gotta take the simple small victories when you get them.
Idk how to get over it. There are times where i dont think about it. Moments where im good enough of a liar to tell myself otherwise. As Winston Churchill said of the truth “The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.” The truth is I’m not attractive, social active, or persistent enough to find someone. I don’t know how to change that. I feel like i change every other aspect of my life except this and i feel helpless. The only advice people have is be more confident. Thats like telling […]
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