If you’ve ever tried to commit suicide and failed, the doctors tell you to spend as much time as possible with friends and people you care about. At the same time, we are told from every possible place – books, magazine articles, tv *doctors*, to cut out the people in your life who are bringing you down. There is no place to turn. This speaks volumes about this culture and society; it speaks to me. It tells me that if I’m a downer, people will cut me out of their life. That leaves suffering in silence. A 45 minute session with my shrink once a […]
I feel like I’m only attractive for mosquitos, right now. I’ve been having a terrible day. But who cares ? Really. Nobody does. When I don’t have any specific drama to tell to people, I have no right to be depressed. I probably invent myself a mental illness just to get attention. Yeah. Why not.
I’m kinda drunk. I know it’s dumb. I don’t even like to drink. It a self-destructive pattern. I wanna be damaged enough so people will say, “right yeah, I understand why you would give up, I would too. “
lol. Like it’s possible. People are all liars and they try to make us […]
I stopped into a bar the other day for a pint of new castle, on my way home from work of course!
I sat down, not too many folks at the bar..a couple playing pool! Anyways..
I’m sitting there and this (kinda) young dude is sitting there talking it up with the tendie, sounding like he had had a few already. So I’m sitting there just sorta chiming in on conversations going on, sipping my ale… And then me and this young dude get to talking about death and old age.
We both made it plain in our opinions that living past a certain age […]
There is a loneliness in this world
So great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock
People so tired, mutilated, either by love or no love.
People just are not good to each other.
We are afraid.
Our educational system tells us that we can all be big winners
But it hasn’t told us about the gutters or the suicides.
Or the terror of one person aching in one place
Alone, untouched, and unspoken to.
How many times do we have to […]
By now you might have seen on the Internet the story of one “Jeremy Meeks” who has recently gained a reputation as “Hot Felon.” He has been the center of much attention after his mugshot was released showing what many consider to be a very attractive face. The purpose of my writing here is not to take a shot at Mr. Meeks. I hope that he will receive whatever punishment his crimes are due, certainly that he should repay his thefts, and other than that I have no concern towards him. It is what this man’s story has revealed so clearly about our deranged and unjust society, which I take interest in. My blood does […]
this year i’ve noticed how many girls and boys have been hurt, and affected by peoples thoughts and words. i never really noticed it before, and it never affected me or my friends as well.
but now,
most girls think theyre fat and ugly, even boys too. which i dont get. everyone can be their own kind of beautiful. there should be no definition of beauty. alot of times, i see pictures of anorexic girls and boys online and people saying thats what perfect is.
then i see the same people saying society is fucked up and that creates the def of beauty and this and that and […]
I feel so close to committing suicide, as if at any second I could just jump into the car and drive to my suicide location. I know I’m better off dead, I’m a nobody and when I’m alive I’m just a burden on my family and a scab to society but I feel death and I’m scared. I’ve always been a coward and it’s hard to accept that soon i’m going to inject myself with heroin and jump from the highest building I can find. I don’t want to die but I don’t belong in this world and there is no recourse for me. I’d […]
So Shakinbakin and I have decided to work on an EP together – we have a couple of pieces being produced at the moment – this is one of them. Obviously this is before the music magic happens, but thought that there might be some poetry fans that could appreciate it raw.
As always, for the benefit of those that have troubles with an Australian accent, the poem is below.
The Point
I’ve developed an overwhelming hatred of sobriety
When I’m fucked up is the only time I don’t hate myself entirely
Isaac Newton said that what goes up, must come down
So the higher you get, the […]
I explained in my last post how many of my problems are congenital: that i’m extremely stupid, unattractive, physically undeveloped, and have no personality. The pain from this reality is escalating and i’m becoming increasingly angry at the world for it’s lack of empathy. For example, I’ve been to the cinema twice in the past two weeks and on both occasions people sitting opposite have laughed at me and called me a spastic/retard because of the way I stare at the screen and snicker repeatedly at funny moments because I’m too afraid to talk. I’m sick of sales assistants and security guards who glare at me […]
This morning I was meditating on sexual abuse because I was abused until I was about 10 or 11 and I’m having a hard time dealing with the grief. And I was asking myself: why are there so many people who stand by and let it happen?
Perfect example: dad abuses kid and mom pretends she does not know, but OF COURSE she knows. She might notice her kid is a little “off”, but thinks they’re still upset about being punished for mouthing off last week. She sees the cuts on her kid (which the kind did him or herself)Â but buys the story about the […]
 I don’t think I want to kill myself quite as badly as I just want to stop participating in modern day life. We go to school, get a job, buy shit we really don’t need, and rarely ask “why the fuck am I doing this”?
If you live in society you need money to pay for essentials like food, shelter and clothing. But do you really need a cellphone, a car, furniture, credit cards, internet access, health care, etc? Is any of that essential for survival? No, but you want it, so you work in order to earn […]
There are a long list of things we are not allowed to say, and feelings we are not allowed to feel. Isn’t that true my fellow slaves? You did know you’re slaves, right? From the moment you’re born you are a slave to your parents and to this society. That is why what we say and feel must be regulated. That is why dissenters must be outcast as “evil” horrible people. Because in order to keep the system going, we can’t have dissent. Dissent wakes people’s minds up, and awake people rebel, and what society fears most, is rebellion. “Being born is like being kidnapped […]
Im a bisexual girl n i have a struggle with fitting in with society cause i dress in boy clothes n stuff. Just another struggle i have to face. People look at me n judge they don’t understand. They look at my cuts n judge me. They look at my skin. Im native and i get marginalized for all these things. I get pushed aside. I battle addiction cause i feel that getting fucked up is better than dealing with this fucked up world… You know what i like this site because everyone on here is open minded i like that. Â U guys are all […]
If I kill myself because I was genitally mutilated legally, do you think society will sit up and take notice?
Of course not, because I’m not a woman.
Is death.
So why can’t I be done with it now instead of being me? Â The hollow thing I am is that of a failure. Â Loneliness has been my sole companion for as long as I can remember.
There’s no future for me, not even entering the rat race for the green god known as money because I am incapable of working, let alone having the enjoyment and success precious few people ever experience.
And I sit here alone piddling away the days because I can do nothing better.
Why was I not put down in the womb? Â Why did the car stop before it hit me?
Why can no […]
I hate life. I hate people. I hate this world. I hate reality / real world / real life, they are all too boring/mundane for me, and I’ve found almost nothing that is interesting in this reality/real-life/real-world anymore, also in MOST people/humans!
the majority or MOST of human beings/people in this world I’ve found to be either a bunch of stupid, shallow, superficial, ignorant, selfish, rigid, stoic, lifeless, uninteresting, uncreative, and/or boring / mundane ones.
maybe that’s why this “reality” (or “real world” / “real life”) or our society currently is sooo f*cked up now almost beyond help!
with only VERY FEW exceptions of: real-GOOD, honest humans/people, real […]
we need a base. we seek for a base. we invent it; we call it self. the thing on which you can stand your desires, the thing which you think you own and can call yours, the thing using which you can rationalize your arguments (and others seem to acknowledge them, for they also need it). indeed you can suffer for this self, just for the sake of owning it. which came first – self or desire? ‘Thought, with an end in view, creates the thinker’ – J. Krishnamurti. anyways. once i had a self, non-reflecting type. it was the one given by society. then something happened. […]
Movies, books, video games, novels, comics, anime/manga, etc etc, basically human’s IMAGINATIONS is a hundred times FAR much more interesting than this very LIMITING reality / real-world / real-life here in this world!
and what’s even worse is that most (about 90%) of humans / people I meet & know everyday are mostly stupid, shallow, superficial, mundane/boring, money and profits and image driven only, ignorant,.. mostly human beings especially today these days are much more bad & hopeless ..!!
(there are -thankfully/luckily?- only FEW humans/people that I like, eg: the very creative/imaginative & ‘other-worldly’ artists who created/made all those awesome fantasy, sci-fi stories, novels, books, […]
whenever i  get into really deep thoughts i always end up laughing. laughing at the absurdity of it all, laughing at the absurdity of my efforts, laughing at the absurdity of my suffering. i suffer because i am human, because i have to survive. had this survival thing not there i would laugh my way in and out of this world. all my reasoning regarding my suffering ends (i.e. starts) with this survival thing. my whole evolution is based on this thing. all my hate, all my animal instincts are based on this single thing. i think if we could somehow get over this one […]
I’ve finally decided life isn’t worth living anymore, and that I’m going to end it all. I really have no family, no friends and no purpose. I am the scum of society. I just want the pain to end. I’ve been consistently unhappy since I was 12 and lately I’ve just gotten worse. I don’t want to talk to or be around anyone. I can’t even think or interact because I’m in a constant fog. I’m quiet and I didn’t used to be. I’m having no creative output. I’m worthless. I guess maybe this is a last ditch effort to have someone actually care about […]