I have no idea where to start this. I suppose I will begin with saying that it is 5:42 AM and I have accepted that I have grown so bored of life that I am beginning to think that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be alive. I have been bored for so fucking long I can’t even remember a time when I was genuinely interested in anything. I desperately need change in my life, I cant keep reliving the same god-damn day over and over it’s driving me insane. I am trying so hard to find something that will make me interested in living […]
Tag:
start
Half of me is happy to start a new year, starting fresh and a new start.
… The other half of me just wants to die so I don’t have to live another fucking year.
Today was horrible. Let’s start of by saying I met up with a old friend and we smoked a couple bowls and I got really stoned . I stopped smoking because it turned into paranoia. I would just get really anxious and my heart would start racing . I had compulsive thoughts and so much more . And that’s exactly what happened to me today . I thought it would be different . I felt so awkward with her . I have no friends so I thought this would be a good day . Then I ate a lot of food because I was anxious […]
When the tides of life sweep you up like a tsunami no matter how good the ship is you either abandon it or drown but that is a joke because they are one in the same. I tried I really did but this year I am going to kill myself. I feel 5 years past due with the first attempt being at 15 now at 20 I am still plagued by all of my past grievances plus adult issues and I realize it’s a never ending shit show. When you go day by day making up excuses to live you just kinda start to wonder […]
I’ve spent a year and a half helping my gf through her depression/anxiety/cutting/suicide thoughts, and I am supposed to start my master’s classes in March but somehow, my parents went from paying $50-60k a year to f-ing $150k!!! Like I get adding another person to the food bill makes it go up but adding my gf to food bill with my brother living off of his school loans, should not cost that fucking much. Like i’m glad i didn’t go to Hawaii or New York. I stayed and worked, but the company was nothing but sales and didn’t know consulting from their own assholes . […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hi all,
Me and my mom are suffering from various psychological disorders like – anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), etc.
I have learnt a lot about these diseases on the internet and at least I got some idea of how to cope with these disorders.
But my mother.. she does not have any access to the internet, nor does she have any knowledge of the disorders she is suffering from, and hence she is helpless.
I know I should talk to her regarding the disorders and comfort her. But I really don’t know where to start and most importantly, I don’t […]
I have so many secrets that are eating me up inside . That literally no one knows . I think it’s time to share some of them .
I’m addicted to meeting older guys online and meeting them in person. I just have a thing for older men. About 25-30 . I don’t know why. I feel like only
These people online give me the time of day . They listen to me . And plus I like
Getting free food from them.. I never end up really talking to them again. I just never feel a connection.
I think it is that I just […]
Is any one awake ? Can’t sleep?
I can’t find a stable feelings, I’m all over the place, I don’t have a desire to do anything I love any more,everything so bleak, I try to express myself maybe to help ease some aniexty,or escape from me… so I’m here constantly trying to think of what to say, to myself ..to you. When I try to reply to your post I’ll sit and try to relate in words, be supportive something to make a connect, but ill either draw a blank or start writing a paragraph and end up deleting anyway…I just can’t accept myself, neither can […]
This year I was diagnosed with a metabolic disorder towards my eyes. And my diet changed completely.
Then around May time this year I started to feel depressed, suicidal and I had anxiety. And I started cutting.
Then I promised my best friend I would stop cutting. I broke that promise twice. This time I promised and he made me swear on his life:(
A month ago I found out my dietitian thinks I need Physchologist, she thinks something’s wrong with me.
About a week ago I had surgery. And then about 2days ago I did the most stupidest move in the world and it could’ve ruined my life. […]
Hello all.
Don’t know how to start really. I’m 24 y.o. and i’m dealing with suicide thoughts over a 10 years now. I’m kinda ”controlling” it with drugs and weed, but once i stop using everything i become suicidal and auto destructive. I don’t know how to maintain my good mood when i’m clear, i can’t live like that anymore. I didn’t use anything for 3 days now. I just drink water, i don’t eat or sleep. I work 10 hours a day just to keep my brain occupied.
And it doesn’t matter if i’m alone, with my friend or when i was with my […]
Seriously the days are getting so hard :(. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so sick of pretending to be happy and doing what I am supposed to. I know my life isn’t going to change. Tonight it took almost everything I had to not just run away and hide and start over alone. Seriously I have like no friends. No one to talk to and I am so sick of being alone and having no one when I need them. The only voices I hear are on tv. :(. I don’t know how long I can live in this sucluded life.
Just came from work, and im wondering how funny things are you know.
How pointless can we get, how hard it gets when one way that you can get conforted to live is that you know that you can die tomorrow somehow, this is sad, and deep, and it hurts.
How hard is to keep going when you got no proof of nothing , when you know that you can be great or nothing, but the only thing that u are sure is: u failed hard and you lost the light, is not only a loss, is even worst, is part of you, the living part?
And to help […]
First of all I’m sorry I talked quietly. And it’s hard to hear. I had my heater on and it distorted the video which didn’t help. I’ll make it more clear to hear me with my next video.
I’m going to start video logs once a day at the most. Just want to let you know they’ll improve over time. I’m sorry my videos are not that great and I find myself all over the place when I speak. I struggle with a stutter and I don’t speak clearly. I have a speach impediment as well. I’m a very quiet person also. […]
I lost my ex after a drug induced psychosis and spent all of my money (10 k ) in a year and have recently had to start again. I’ve saved up some money again and have met someone new but I just don’t feel it with her, and people complain about my customer service at work because I look depressed. I feel so repulsive all the time. I bought some oleander cuttings and plan to make tea and eat the leaves tonight. I’m not sure if it will work but I know if it does my family will be devastated, but I’m just fed up […]
New years about a month away.
Somehow i want this year to finish yet i dont want 2016 to start.
Cus nothings gonna change, people always say stupid fucking shit like, new years resolution and turn over a new leaf.
But the truth is we will all be the same.
The people better than me(almost everyone i know) will keep getting better and ill still be stuck in the same old shit.
And ofc, she still wont know i love her and will continue to ignore my existence.
My acedamics will keep on falling till they hit the ned rock.
And finally, i will keep […]
I told my sister I was sick and she didn’t believe me. Not until I mailed her a suicide note and travelled to a far away destination where I booked a cottage to kill myself. She sent me a lot of texts telling me how much she loved me but it was too late. Ingested the poison but was discovered by one of the custodians, rushed to hospital and later shipped back home where I was committed to a psyche ward.
All this happened 2 months ago. I am still here and still standing. Trying to recover from that nasty experience is not an easy task. Finding […]
Thought I was feeling better and maybe I am. But think its time to start coming up with a plan. Because I don’t want another or anything else for that matter in my life anymore. I still feel empty and sad, but I do things. I’m not in bed anymore. I try to move on and see other people, but don’t want to anymore. I fell in love with that girl and thought it was real between the both of us, but it was just me. I relized I fooled myself again or whatever. But also feel ready to go. Lived the best I could […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66GHz-H4k6M
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still […]
The past hour has been dedicated through reading posts, comments and conversations on this site. It sort of helped relieve this constricting feeling in my chest, to know that there are others experiencing the near exact feelings that i’ve kept to myself for years. As well as finally feeling like this is a safe place to discuss aforementioned feelings.
I’ve had a private journal for some time on another site. I like to use it to attempt to look back at my past mind sets, and see that i’ve progressed past those terrible moments in time. Lately though, the entries have become painful reminders and bring […]