…You would think that my heart would stop allowing them in. You would think that my brain would stop being a pushover and finally tell my heart what to do. You would think that my heart had become so callous and cold from the way that I was treated, but it is not. I’ve been able to shoot and kill people and flinch not. I’ve been able to bloody a face beyond recognition and not feel an ounce of remorse…You would think I was cold…but yet, I allow myself to love again, care again. Repaving the painful path of cutting and suicidal thoughts taking the chance […]
Tag:
Suicidal Thoughts
I NEED THIS TO END I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.
I am over 50 years old. I’ve thought about suicide since I was 13. I have made attempts to end my life more than a couple times. The thoughts, planning, and so on have been so much a part of my mentality, I believe it has become a bad habit, habitual though process. The last stint of actively engaging in therapy my goal was to get new thoughts. I’ve tried. Truly I have tried to get along in the land of the living. When I make an attempt to interact / communicate with my loved ones, I continue to fall short – and immediately go […]
All I ever wanted was to be excepted, I made friends with some of the cooler kids, got a girlfriend, got a car, but it’s all gone now. People change, my girlfriend cheated on me, and I wrecked my car (douche bag shouldn’t have turned out in front of me…). I decided to follow in my fathers footsteps and become a welder to make him proud, maybe he’d except me, but he never did… He thinks that I’m just some dumb kid who breaks the law, just like every adult thinks. I used to hangout with my girl, or my boys on a Friday night, […]
i dont know how i can go through days anymore the friends i suposily know are all smart goodlookin talented at somethin they always have a girl chattin em up and shit sendin them calls texts while i have barly any girls who would even look at me in the hallway iv left my phone on for few days to see the loser who i really am not one single female texted me or “friend” calld me. i used to be great at sports was startin linebacker got respect from fellow men around me and varsity wrestling and used to be outgoin wouldnt care then […]
Is what I tell my mom. ‘no, it’s okay, I’m just tired’ for my dad. ‘Could you leave, please? I’m thinking’ is snapped at my little sister. And then I’m alone.
School’s out. I’m a kid. I should be ecstatic, right? But I’m not. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so alone, so hopeless. I have small projects I’ve been working in in my spare time, but I’m starting to think ‘why bother, this is stupid’ and abandon them. Occasionally I’ll get my hopes up for something, but somehow when it comes I always seem to screw it up. Then it’s over, and I’m back in […]
Sick,
I am constanly making mistakes to my boyfriend, I don’t want to but I keep doing them. I can barely live with myself after the mistakes I make, I don’t mean to fuck whats wrong with me. I don’t want too but I keep doing it he wants to leave me because of them all and I don’t want him too I don’t know why I cant put a stop to the mistakes! As simple as falling asleep on him, fuck. Whats wrong with me I don’t want to harm him I dont want him to leave and I have failed to fix my reoccurring […]
Since my last boyfriend broke up with me, I deal with suicidal thoughts. There are times that I am happy, but they are really short. It looks like every boy I love and loves me back, just replace me for someone else. It really hurts and even though they say I’m so nice and I will find someone else, I never find someone. To make things ever worse; my granddad and grandma died. And my uncle is going to die as well. People at school know a bit of my problems. But not everything. I don’t want them to help me. I’m a big girl. […]
Hi Guys
I am back. It has been an odd couple of weeks since I was last here and posted. I want to share the story though, maybe it helps others who are feeling similar and wondering what it all means. I have definitely not got the answer though.
My last post was about how weak I was, how I thought I was strong but I couldn’t stay anymore. I cleared out my office at work that weekend. I spent a lot of time getting rid of EVERYTHING and also making sure that there was nothing of ME left anymore. I wanted to make it all as […]
I’m new to this website. I’ve been suicidal for a few months now. It’s gotten so bad in such a short amount of time, and it’s scaring me.
You see, I don’t want to die. I really don’t. But it’s the only way out. I can’t leave my town, because I’m only 14. My mom won’t home school me. I don’t have one friend. I kept telling people how I felt, and then people stopped caring all of a sudden. They just stopped talking to me, and they stopped asking what was wrong. I have literally–absolutely– no one. My parents yell when I get depressed. My […]
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
From 3rd – 5th grade I was that sweet and shy little innocent girl but then when 6th grade came I turned into a tougher girl and still am. I hate the new me, I hate my life, I hate everything! I just want to go back to the sweet and shy little innocent girl I was years ago. Ever since my dog, Lillie, died the day after my birthday in February this year I have become so depressed. She was like a dog version of me. I loved her. But then God decided to take her away from me by making her […]
Sick of constantly breaking down, angry, I become someone I’m not when I’m angry and I can’t control it, begging to not be alive, punching walls, tensing,
Advice?
Worry.
After my suicidal thoughts,well I feel happier now and feel like I should somehow put that experience to use. I mean these charities I have looked at usually involve selling things, and theres no way I can do that. Others well dont provide me any feeling of helping others. I mean I would be okay with just hiding and doing art by myself, but I just need a way to put this experience to use and cant find a way to do so. So any advice?
Once again, I am back from the hospital for suicidal thoughts and depression… Yippy. Just what I want, right? Wrong. I wish that I didn’t have to come back to school… I hate it here…. Anywaysssss I was there also for my anger. I have a terrible temper and I needed to get that under control also, but mostly, I was there for my depression… I tried to OD yesterday also and tried to cut open my arms. Sounds great, doesn’t it? God, why can’t I just be happy…? Even if it’s for a minute. Why?
I am married. To the most wonderful man. I always felt in life that I would have to settle, and God showed me differently. We have moved 15 hours from where I grew up. 15 hours from everything that I have ever known. I do not know anyone aside from my husband’s family, who are wonderful people…but they are not friends. I hardly know them. I find it so exhausting trying to be a good daughter-in-law. Everyone knows everything about everyone up here and I have always enjoyed my privacy. My husband and I have tried to a new church and we both like it. […]
I’m depressed, I feel lonely and worthless and a lot of other negative things I feel about myself. I’ve self-harmed, had suicidal thoughts and tried to overdose myself. I don’t have any friends, I miss school a lot because it stresses me out for absolutely no reason. I sleep a lot, over 10 hours everyday. I can barely manage to eat anything and I can get angry for little or no reason. I’ve kept suffering and I couldn’t do anything about it.
But now, instead of what I would do. You know what I do? I lock myself in the bathroom with my cellphone and earphones, […]
I’m pretty much as broken and useless as it’s possible to be. I can’t do anything right – not exaggerating, it’s the truth. I’m barely human and don’t really do the things that normal humans do or feel the way normal humans feel. When I’m hurt or frustrated I get angry – but real people don’t feel anger, don’t express those things. Real people are happy most of the time, not unhappy or angry most of the time. I’m just wrong. Broken. Unfit for human consumption. God I wish my mother had aborted me. What is the point of me? There is none. The worst […]
Hello, I just discovered this forum tonight. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years. For as long as I can remember, really. But recently, they’ve been stronger than ever. Since my mother committed suicide back in September, I’ve had an ascending urge to do myself in as well. It was all due to desperation at first. But at this time, oddly, I feel peaceful about it. Like I’m making the right decision. Or I would be. I am afraid to hurt the people I love. Just like the way my mother hurt me. Having experienced this pain, I would never wish it upon anyone […]
“How Nice To Feel Nothing, and Still Get Full Credit For Being Alive.”
by MilesToGo
written by MilesToGo
That’s a quote from one of my all time favourite novels, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I have plans to get the book’s mantra, ‘so it goes’, tattooed somewhere on my body.
Which, is kind of at odds with posting on a suicide website, isn’t it?
I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed – I’ve never gone to a doctor or a counseller. I think about suicide on a near-daily basis; not in some abstract way, but with regards to methodologies, and having a suicide note on my laptop which I regularly update to correspond with the messages I want […]