That’s what it has felt like for a while. Like I’m just lingering in this fucking limbo where I know I’m tired of living, I know I only hurt people and disappoint them and make their lives more difficult. I am really just 21 years of promise culminating into failure. My own boyfriend is kind of sick of me, even. I can tell. I don’t talk about this stuff with him because he doesn’t deserve the burden. Though I guess it’s hard to hide it when you get depressed (I am not diagnosed, my twin brother is; I have too much shame to see a […]
Tag:
Suicide
I want to share my story, of who I am and how I got here, but I can’t share it with those I know so this seemed like the next best thing. I don’t know who is out there reading this, or if anyone even will, but there is a comfort in sharing how I feel without fear of judgment or persecution.
I will start with the easiest parts. I am a 29 year old mother of 3, married to a great man, and working at my dream job. I volunteer at my church and also lead a girl scout troop. So […]
I am fully aware that I need help but there is nothing that helps. I have tried hospitialization, every type of therapy, had around 15 therapists, been on 20 different meds, tried meditation, talking. I’ve tried it all and nothing helped. I am not able to feel joy or love, I am always deeply depressed for 7 years. I cannot function around people and haven’t had contact with anybody except my family for 6 months. I get paranoid at night and can’t sleep. I have an unknown chronically painful stomach problem that even though I have had every medical test known to man twice, […]
I used to cry at the thought of suicide, but now when I think of it.. Honestly, I don’t know what I feel.
I might move the date up to August, or maybe July. Thoughts?
I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety/borderline avoidant personality disorder.
I was going to go to group therapy. I never did.
I was seeing a counselor. I stopped going.
I take an anti-depressant. It helps a lot but not enough I guess. Less anxiety and less pain but that isnt enough.
I live a solitary life. I am like a hermit. I barely speak to people. I avoid women. Don’t make eye contact, speak as little as possible. If they seem to like me, become vaguely hostile…put up those old barriers. Whatever it takes. Because it hurts and they can hurt me more. But all I really want […]
Hahaha nothing really matters anymore and no one acts like they care so why should I. My hatred for everyone who talks/looks at me continues to grow. I care for almost no one and like i said they don’t seem to care about me. I wake up feeling numb and emotionless my nightmares wake me up in the night giving me the only sense of emotion I have.  I hate life tonight i think i am going to try suicide for the 4th time and it most likely won’t work ( let’s just say I would make a really sucky murderer) and when it doesn’t work it […]
Once again, I am back from the hospital for suicidal thoughts and depression… Yippy. Just what I want, right? Wrong. I wish that I didn’t have to come back to school… I hate it here…. Anywaysssss I was there also for my anger. I have a terrible temper and I needed to get that under control also, but mostly, I was there for my depression… I tried to OD yesterday also and tried to cut open my arms. Sounds great, doesn’t it? God, why can’t I just be happy…? Even if it’s for a minute. Why?
One year has passed since I saw you last.
The memories I have amassed are fading fast.
You could neve be at peace with the haunts of your past.
You left my heart broken, it still wants a cast.
I now sit alone in this summer field of grass.
Thinking of the winds that carry your ash.
I now stand alone on this winter hill of snow.
Torn because you couldn’t say, and I can never know.
One more year has passed since I saw you last.
All I can remember is the sound of your laugh.
Its never enough, it will forever only equal […]
It bothers me when people who are living a perfectly normal life with no problems whatsoever say they’re suicidal. To me, saying you’re suicidal isn’t a joke at all. If you have nothing to be angry about life, why should you joke around with the meaning? I been suicidal since I was 12 but you know what, I’m trying my best to not do anything stupid. Living with my family isn’t the best place to be right now because there is constantly arguing and fighting going on while I have so called “friends” who are never there when I need them and whom only cares […]
I am fifteen and up until recently my life was fine. I was already depressed but I didn’t have any problems with my life. I know I’m talked about and picked on at school but I didn’t realize how much until after the big event that ruined my life. I know others don’t know that I’m any weaker and more vulnerable than before but I feel like the talking about me and messing with me has gotten a lot worse since my mom moved away. I didn’t have much of a choice but to stay here with my grandparents and my sister. My sister has […]
I was so depressed last night. Poor me, poor you. Poor fool who thinks your life sucks. Shit, I’m sick of pity. I’m buzzed. I drank a cup of Jack, now I feel good. I can’t help but wonder how long this will last. 10 more shots and I’ll want to die. I have an extra big bottle tonight. Manipulation has always done me so much good. I know my habits, drink and feel good, drink more feel okay, drink too much want to die. I have too much alcohol in the fridge. Way too much alcohol for one man to handle. Blah blah blah. […]
I have had bipolar or was diagnosed at 14 years old, i have tried many times to end my life. It has caused me to be hopitalized on more than one occasion. But not for the mental health issues but for the physical side affects. My bipolar is not controlled by meds and i do not see a phycitrist i go to my family doctor but they seem to think my personality makes me have bipolar? i did not think this was possible?. My family are very disspondent now and it is almost like her she gose again. But i am now 26 and i […]
It’s been a while…
A long while, actually… over a year. People still respond to my last post, which means I have helped over 1,000 people that were considering suicide…
But tonight I write to you in distress. Yes, I too, though a survivor, have many struggles.
Today is my 19th birthday, and I’m alone.
I have been drinking, and thinking much more than is healthy.
I have lost so much… yet I am needed here. It hurts, and I know I’ll get through this, but at times… you just need to vent.
Take a deep breath… think of what has driven you to this […]
I’m in a place I have been sine I was 11, I am broken inside friends and family say get help I have but it didn’t really help its basically for people who can talk problems out and somehow be cured. I hurt I’m heartbroken I have been on a downward spiral for so long I no longer know what complete happiness is. I no longer have friends to turn to since a year ago I had overdosed. I feel so alone they say turn nto God but I do have God but that hasn’t helped me either I can’t find peace I feel myself […]
Death is a natural process of which i long for day and night.
oh, my beloved Death, i know your change initiates delight.
Taking my own life tonight seems so right.
Death, you precious obsidian jewel, transform my darkness into inner light. Through the process of my bodies dissolution, i know i’ll feel all right. Bring me home tonight!
for i can’t tolerate the un-natural, and that is what suicide is. if it were not so, my lovely death would become my bride at midnight. i suppose i’ll have to patient and say my prayers; oh wonderful and magnificent Death, when will you take this […]
I’m scared.
I have no idea what to do. I think all this stress is getting to me. I want to go back and make everything better. I think I’m getting an eating disorder. I KNOW I’m not fat, but when I look at my self, I feel disgusted. I never feel like I’m good enough. I messed up, and I can’t fix it, no matter how bad I want too. I feel like my whole world is crashing down on me. I’m sick. Mentally and physicality. I can’t take it anymore.
I have these body pains that I know aren’t normal. I don’t like going to the […]
Im noticing life is a challenge we gotta get passed, that suicide is a thought but doesnt have to be done. Days could get better even if its small, you see things or people you gotta stay alive for. You may have a better future so dont end a life for what happen in the past or the present cuz it gets better, live for the future <3
•My turning point in life – realizing suicide is just a thought dont have to let it take control , xoxo you not alone <3
Just a high schooler. Honors classes, president of NHS, student council etc. good grades, good amount of close friends. I’m above average when it comes to school. But at school, I feel like I’m invisible, like if I were to die one day, it wouldn’t matter. And that goes for at home too. I’m not abused at all, or anything bad like that, but I have something wrong with me mentally, I crave attention. It’s to the point where I cut myself and don’t try to cover it. I have made myself throw up because I always get called names like “fatty” or “pig” by […]
one guy, me, and love. the battle in life, love controls us. i never wanted to disaprear so badly until he came along… i love him. i want him but i cant have him, maybe thats why its all gone down hill.. i slit.. i cry.. everynight.. i never thought that growing up and falling inlove was so hard.. i was inlove before and told myself not to fall ever again… but then it happend, he made me feel like i could, like he would catch me.. we broke up because i was upset.. i got kicked out of my moms and house and […]
i dont want to be here anymore
i dont know what going on my lifes so messed up. everything went wrong when i was taken from my mother at the age of 11 i had to move to my dads because social services said my mum emotionally and mentaly abused us i was a good kid i looked after my younger sibling while my older brother and sister took drugs with my mum so when we was taken i was relieved in a way but my whole life changed from there. i have 4 sisters and 1 brother we all got seperated and we had supervised […]