I’m happy sometimes. I met this girl thousands of miles away and she makes me happy. But sometimes I just get really sad out of nowhere. I get down on myself and hate every part of my being. I think about suicide really often, I have been for three whole years now. I even went to therapy but I stopped going because it didn’t work or feel right. I feel fucking insane.
Tag:
Suicide
Hello to you all. I am DarknessIncarnate. This is not my real name but my tale is real I can assure you.
How do I start? I suppose it started when I was in Primary. In my years in my primary school I was never able to make any friends asides from two people. One had the surname of Holmes and the other of Dell. Let’s call them H (for Holmes) and D (for Dell). My first friend was H, and we never really were that far apart from one another. We were close friends and always enjoyed more abstract, imaginative games. Often involving crossing together […]
So “my” family members often target me with the same question: “How can you live if you do NOT …?” Ok I will not bore you with the triviality of my life, just note the negativity in the question. In these days, I often catch myself contemplating about the meaning of my life. There are two ways to look at it, from my standpoint and from the world standpoint.
Regarding myself, things are very simple. I feel empty. The benefits (happiness and such) are there but I thing the cost of living is greater. To myself only, my life has negative value.
Now for other people, will […]
So, I just started a new job… I took it for several reasons:
a) I earn 300 euro more compared to before and could depending on my performance boost this with another 60% of my total salary… But this is just money. I hate it.
b) Maybe it is the same as the above as I am currently in dept more or less… because of the drugs. I actually took the job (partly) so that I could support this lifestyle, while thinking I would be able to make my life more stable with a 9 till 5 job rather then one in which my hours […]
I’ve been on this website for about a week now.
I’m in therapy. I have been for numerous different reasons since I was 11, now 33.
I’ve told my therapist about being suicidal, that I have plans, that there are constant images at night, and I have access to guns.
Everything I’ve said is ignored. I don’t talk to friends or family about any of this – because I’m the one that everyone depends on to help them with their issues (doesn’t help that all of them know my degree is in psychology).
I’ve started developing better assertiveness skills… but the suicide stuff won’t stop.
I’m seen as “being ok” […]
I may not have had the greatest upbringing being from an undesirable neighborhood of NYC. But despite all the bad things I saw and experienced as a child, I was just so happy. The trick was, it can always be worse. No matter how bad things got, all I had to think was ‘it can always be worse’ and bam I’d feel better. No matter how terrible I think my life was, there’s always someone out there going thru much much worse. And this simple way of thinking has gotten me thru my entire life.
Now things have changed. I just turned 20 years old and […]
I’m not sure where I am within my own mind.
There are the empty days where everything washes over me, I don’t feel particularly happy or particularly sad just ‘there’. The okay days where I feel active n life. And then there are bad days where I find myself dwelling in things long ago past, where I end up on websites such as these or thinking about how I would go about doing it.
All hypothetical of course. I think about methods ‘hypothetical’. Telling myself that I’d never have the courage to do it.
But, recently I wrote my ‘hypothetical’ notes to the people I love. Does that […]
I’m not sure what I want. I not sure weather I want to kill myself or just die. It’s 2015 and I’ve been facing depression for over four straight years now. When I tell my parents I’m depressed they just think it’s a temporary thing. When I tell my “friends” they think I’m a attention seeking whore and don’t believe me cause I’m always “smiling”. I’m only 16 and I’ve never had a girlfriend and I always feel alone. Which causes me to think that no ones cares about me and that’s the reason I’m lonely. I believe that I can be cured by finding […]
About a month ago, I was in the most terrible place in my life. That choking feeling you get when your about to lose your shit or flip out – I carried that around everywhere from the moment I would wake up to when I would eventually fall asleep. I cried almost everyday for a long time and watched as every single aspect of my life slowly decayed. I wanted to die. I hated being alive. I would have done anything for someone to kill me, for a car to hit me, for things to just cease. I came very close to committing suicide on […]
So, I know I’m a terrible person to people I honestly hate, but as for the people who I try to be nice to and care for… WHY CAN’T YOU SPEND FIVE FUCKING MINUTES WITH ME. I really don’t understand how hard it is just to get off an Xbox, or take a few minutes after you get off work, or a simple moment when you get out of school just to talk to me or hang out with me. I mean…. I actually TRIED with you. Even after I gave up on everyone else, I stuck with YOU. Not him or her, not the […]
Ever since I was younger, I have always put on a mask. I only let people see what I want them to see. And what I let them see is me, happy, hardworking, selfless, caring, okay. But because of this, I always end up bottling up the bad thoughts and feelings inside of me.
I have a great life compared to many people. I know this. I have great parents who love and support me. I get good grades in school. I’m from an upper middle-class family. I go to a great university and know I can go to a great graduate school. I’m healthy. I’m selfless, respectful, […]
Okay, so here it goes. Im nearing an ultimate moral downfall now. Ive went from fastening belts on my neck or swallowing a couple of pills to straight forward assaulting myself. I entirely despise my whole life. Life has caused me nothing but pain and suffering. Each day I struggle to wake up properly cause theres just no reason to go on doing things people usually do at all. I have closed myself inside my cage. I dont usually talk, Im not socializing anymore. Been abused in school, first sexually when I was 13, then bullied and some physical violence too. Parents beat me up […]
To kill oneself or to not kill oneself? That is one hell of a question.
I’m stuck in the middle my own indecisiveness. On one hand I don’t want to hurt those I think I love but at the same time I don’t know if I can continue. I just have this empty feeling all the time. I constantly doubt those I know ‘love’ me. Everything is just so tiring.
I’m scared I won’t succeed then have to face the consequences.
Maybe I want someone to ask me directly. Then I could tell them but I know they won’t do […]
I’ve been depressed for over 9 years now. I can’t deal with this pain anymore. I have scars all over my body, and I want to add more so I can ignore my pain, just for a little bit. But, mostly, I just want it to end and the only way I know how to do that is if I kill myself. Then it will all stop! Right?
I’ve been bullied since day 1 of school, never had a good solid friend until i was about 10 years old, my mother passed away the day before I turned 12, and ever since then my depression […]
28 days left
I found someone one a dating site last night who had many similar interests. We talked all night and then some today. I felt happy for the first time in a while. She started flirting with me and I honestly couldn’t believe it. We agreed to meet up next week to go hiking. Of course my fucked up mind instantly fell in love which never ends well. Turns out she likes some other person. Not sure why she’s on a dating site if she isn’t looking for someone. Maybe she just lied about liking someone after seeing my picture. Can’t blame her, I’m […]
I need serious help. I grew up to be nice and everything but I’m just not built for this world and I’ve been noticing I’ve become an absolute dick to people and in a way I kind of enjoy it. It makes me feel like I’m in control for once and I’m not the victim. I enjoy making my girlfriends cry over me and all that bullshit. But sometimes I go back to my older mind state and I just become suicidal. I feel like my time is only getting nearer before I snap and finally just do it. I can’t trust any of my […]
If any of you know who I am, you know that when I was 14, last year, I tried to kill myself by swallowing 60+ pills. I was in the hospital for a week. Besides that, I want to tell you what it was like going back to school, and back to social media.
Being back to school was different. I was different. I was much more different than I give credit for. Either way, people took notice of me. I was the talk of the school for a whole month. People watched me like halks. Sympathetic looks? I’ve seen a million. People could be mean, […]
At the age of 14, in my first year of highschool, I tried to take my life. I hid under a bridge, without anyone knowing in the morning on October 27th, and I swallowed 60+ pills. The pills were pills that I was prescribed to from my doctor. Before all this, I was clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I had thought that I would get better, but seemingly, I did not. So, that morning, I took pills, and waited. My legs were numb, and I was freezing cold. My whole body was slowly shutting down, and I could feel every little part of it […]
I don’t want to live for another minute. I’m 22 and I don’t want to make it to 23. I’m sick of being alone. I’m sick of having no friends, no one to turn to, and no one to rely on. I was put on this earth with a fucked up brain. I have bipolar disorder which goes hand in hand with the severe depression. And if that wasn’t enough, I have insomnia that keeps me up at night and ADD so I can never concentrate for more than 5 fucking minutes. I hate it. I haven’t felt happy for so god damned long. Being […]
Hi
I wrote a poem to my mother and I will give it to her 31 may on mother’s day.
I’m planning to suicide the next day. I have waited to suicide just because i wanted to be there for my mom on mothers day. It will be the last time.
I just want to know what you think of the poem. Any improvements? There’s a hidden message as you can see. I hope she wont be suspicious? She doesnt know im suicidal.
This will be the last thing i do before I die so no suicide letter. If you wonder why it’s because if I fail I don’t […]