I don’t know why I do the things is do. I don’t know why I think how I think. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive. I don’t know why I love with all my heart and soul. But in the process I’ve lost my dignity, my strength, and my manliness. I want to meet Jesus, assuming he’s my maker. When I do I’m going to ask him where I went wrong. I’m sure he’ll have no problem telling me how it is. I just hope he doesn’t banish me from eternal life because I pissed the one he gave me down my leg. Being […]
Tag:
telling
Lately my aunts been telling me i do or did things yeti have no memory of it, the other day she finally lost it and said i was just fucked up in the head and said she had to walk oug to resist beating the shit out of me. Thats all i remember but i woke up in the middke of the night my arm hurting and by the looks of it i stabbed myself with scissors. The next day i noticed the skin around it turning green, is that bruising from the impact or should i be worried, idk i just didnt know where […]
I just don’t know what I have and I wished I never had visited that doctor. She said that I had “too much anxiety for normal situations”. I had social anxiety and she couldn’t even say that name to my face. Then at home I searched about it because I didn’t trust her and I found out that possibly I had depression too, and now I can have BPD too. And at this point and just don’t know if what I feel is truly real or maybe I get all the diseases I read about. I don’t know what is real and what is not. […]
It’s getting close to that. I should have killed myself already. The guy I love wants every woman in the world and all I want is him. And he might take off to go far out west where he said his dad’s been telling him to go live because the laws are the most lenient on people in his situation. He said it just got worse here making it more impossible for him to have a place to live. I do agree it’s rediculous. But it kills me. I can’t even touch him or hold him. I can’t live without him. He’s everything to me. […]
I need to clarify things. Everything is messed in my mind. I have gone through enough of illusions so I don’t want to fall for another one. My experience isn’t for nothing, it teaches me what NOT to do or which among my thoughts is another illusion. But.. this job has changed a lot of things. It was guilt, fear and worthlessness that were making me suffer all these years, and from that suffering were arising my desires for higher things. With this job that guilt is gone, and so is gone my craving for higher things. But there is no satisfaction! Where is my […]
I realize that I am a worthless piece of shit that doesn’t deserve anything in life. I pretend that I am smart or pretty, but I am none of those. If I were truly anything in this world, there would not be prostitutes to cheat on me with, other girls to cheat on me with, men telling me that I’m ugly. Yes, that’s multiples. It hasn’t only happened once to me, and it’s no coincidence. I am the world’s ugliest woman, and people think I am dumb enough to buy their stories. People don’t think I deserve any respect, and I probably don’t. Married couples […]
The girl that hides all behind a mask.
Fakes smiles and laughs when she gets hit and falls to the ground.
Telling her self its ok because one day she will be free.
But late at night crying and cutting her wrists to shit .
She ends up laying down and watches the blood leak from her wrists and wispers why me.
Why am I hated so much? It’s realy hard to breath in this fucked up world .
Why do guys hit me is it because I am nothing ?
Why dose my father hate me so much why cant he leave me be .
He tortured me abused me […]
What are things anti suicide people say to you that piss you off the most?
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
I been suicidal for over a decade. I talked about it often with people but luckily was never institutionalized. Here are some of the things people said that got under my skin –
1. “Give your life over to God” – ok first off I’m a hardcore atheist so that doesn’t work. I was also severely depressed and miserable as a Christian as well so going back wouldn’t change a god damn thing.
2. “If you commit suicide, you will go to hell” – wow really? Is God that evil as to torture someone for all eternity because they wanted there sufering to end? Again I don’t […]
Sometimes I always go into deep thought about my life. Sometimes I feel like i have good days. But then at night i just think. Like, why should i live if i know people dont want me around? Why should i have to live, constantly feeling like people hate me for no reason? Why should I live, knowing there’s no reason to? My mom doesn’t know that i feel this way. But if i try telling her she’ll say im stupid . My guess is that she just doesn’t want to believe that i could feel this way.
My mom is a nurse and she […]
I dont know what to do I’m scared of death because I have so many dreams but without him my dreams seem to have no meaning.i have no hope for the future.i know you will tell me that no girl should give her life to a guy but I have he has now become a part og me and now he’s jist drifting away from me…I cant live without him, if I jave to share him then I’d rather die and feel no pain
I’ve tried it before but instead of me dying I ended up losing my baby unaware that I was carrying and I […]
I look in the mirror and see someone I don’t know. I try really hard to get up everyday, but it is soo hard. I go to school, but I don’t see the point, it’s getting me know where. Applying for jobs is a lot easier said then done. I found out today that my mother helped my sister’s boyfriend find a job and he got it. After she promised that she would help, and she through me under the bus last mouth. She let me do an interview at a school that would have helped me get a degree and I would have had […]
i cant understand people and i will never do . i cant hurt anyone but myself even though everyone tries to hurt me. i just dont wanna exist anymore. people telling lies all around me . others dont believe in me. im a that normal or they are just too blinded. i have gone insane, im telling them that, nobody gives a shit. I cant even write this post without thinking about diffrent topics in the same time. i just feel that nothing else, no one else matters. still looking for that one reason for me to stay alive , and still havent found it. my […]
My mother tells me I’m selfish but she doesn’t know that I didn’t kill myself yet just because I didn’t want to hurt her.
I really need a therapist, I’m constantly telling my parents I need a therapist, but they keep telling me to tell them my problems and the don’t fucken understand. Like they can’t take a hint. They don’t want to get me a therapist because they don’t want to pay the money.
If only they knew I was suicidal.
Hey guys, I just thought of something random and was wondering if you’d like to join in:
QUESTIONS:
1) describe the nature of your mood, whether it be miserable or ecstatic
2) describe what you think is going to happen to you, and then what you want to happen to you
I’ll start:
1) I don’t even know if I have a ‘mood’ anymore. I think my subconscious has virtually blocked all emotions in order to protect my conscious mind from telling me to skip off a bridge. I have skeletons in my closet that I simply cannot banish from existence, and the demons that emanate from them grow daily; […]
My whole world came crashing down today when I realised my whole world is not what it seemed and I am really in fact a stalker. It all started around two or three years ago, when I took a dance class with a dance teacher I never had before. I had not even walked into the room and I believe he was staring at me with awe in his eyes. I notice that he would pay special attention to me in class and when he told us to freestyle he looked uncomfortable but it as though he was getting turned on. This uncomfortable look was […]
I get unnecessarily blamed for everything by my EX best friend for the last year. She’s a fucked up little girl who walks all over people and uses them, then twists it on you making you feel like you’re at fault and that you’re a piece of shit. For real, this time, I don’t think we’ll talk again. This time she’s gone too far, showing up at my house and laying her hands on me trying to fight me. All because her friend got in a fight with her ex over some stupid shit and was upset, therefore I’m a bad friend for hanging out […]
It’s ironic, really. I helped people for most of my life, be it in person or on the web, trying to get them to rethink their life choices, telling them it’s all right, and that suicide isn’t the answer. I guess now I know how they felt when the foot is on the other shoe. I truly am weak, pathetic, and stupid, and I have just proved them right.
I will be ending it shortly tomorrow. I have made letters stating my amends with all individuals I have wronged in my life and a goodbye letter to my love. My worldly possessions will be given away […]
Hi I’m 24 year old male. When I was a baby I had surgery. I have scars behind each EAR… Look up v2k mind control…. Since I was a minor the town I live in turned me into a chomo. I was in my teens and the voices told me to look at teen porn…when I was in my 20s I remember getting outta jail and the voices were telling me to look at minor porn. Now the world pisses in my food and drinks and comes into my home. And pee in my shampoo n soap and toothpaste. So you still think you have […]
one time my brother told me a joke I laughed to tears then he told me the joke again and I laughed a little less then he kept telling the joke over and over again and I stopped laughing and he said why cant you laugh at the same joke over and over again if u can cry about the same person over and over again?
This morning, early of course, I don’t get much sleep anymore, at least I thought, left me in the dust. I told her about my depression and how sometimes I feel suicidal..I thought it would help opening up to someone. But it completely blew up in my face. I’m not sad about it, it’s expected isn’t it. She said that I was crazy and needed help..perhaps I do. I wasn’t asking for her pity, I don’t need pity, just her understanding and support you know. I see it as if she acted like that when I tried to open up to her, she was obviously […]