I told my parents that I wanted to kill myself today. They forced me to tell them why, it was hard telling them and to be honest I didn’t tell them the whole story. I don’t feel any different, I thought telling them would help but it didn’t. I still want to kill myself. They said we’d talk as a whole family tomorrow but I don’t. I’m really thinking about ending it tonight. I’m in to much pain here, maybe the other wprld will make me feel better.
Tag:
telling
Thought I’d take the effort to upload it to youtube, this song is just stunningly beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwzTEq9CUGQ
Lyrics:
Call me crazy but maybe this seems a little movie like
This whole saying goodbye
This whole frozen in time thing
“Well it’s better to have loved..” I keep telling myself
Well anything is better than this
There comes a time when you realise
That it’s better to let go of a dove than watch it become the vulture
We pray that this won’t eat us up
To every chapter written be thankful it was a part of the book at all
There’s a lot of blood in the ink
There’s […]
Mom always called me a guinea pig growing up. At first I thought it was a term of endearment, but that was before she told me it was because she could “mess up” with me (by being a parent) and hopefully get the next one right. Being the oldest is difficult. There’s a lot of responsibility and I was always the one to make an example out of. Growing up in my house was hard. It got to the point where I didn’t want to be anywhere near my family and isolated myself to school and home. I was kind of a loner and I […]
Bad luck never leaves.
Your jinx just floats around
Like the taste inside your mouth,
or the sound when your skull cracks.
Feel the growing pains.
It means you’re growing up too fast.
Telling white lies to black cats.
Stretch me out across the tracks.
While you were sleeping I was blood red,
sharp as a knife inside your stomach.
I’m squeezing tight; don’t let the light in.
No medicine.
Daydream tendencies had you smiling soft and sweet.
Keep those blurry memories somewhere safe-
you may need them.
You can make a wish,
but there’s no rabbit out the hat.
Realize it’s never coming back.
While you were […]
I was too stupid to trust a friend with my suicidal thoughts.
I told her how I want to die.
She told me about people dying wanting to live.
I told her: ‘Life is unfair, people can’t really have what they really want. I want to die but still living, they want to live but they are dying. I don’t see your point. Should I feel blessed for having something others want when I, myself, does not want it?’
Her answer? Ask another mutual friend.
They talked to me about solutions, alternatives, reasons and logic, of all things.
This is not a call for help. This is […]
My mom is really rude to me. She is constantly telling me I’m the worst daughter ever and that she cries everyday because I was born to her. Apparently I’m not as smart as everyone else and stuff like that. Sometimes she hits me.
Its like 2:30, i’m still awake for no real reason other than debating whether I should go to work in the morning or just not go and die at a relatively soon timing. I’ve had serious thoughts about not existing since late elementary to early middle school and its just developed into a sad hobby of sorts. I’ve spent at least half an hour to an hour daily recently looking up different ways to kill myself and I think the only reason I haven’t done it yet is that my biggest fear is failing and being unable to make another attempt for whatever reason. My […]
I recently received my PhD in chemical engineering, I have a job in a good company and earn a decent salary. I’ve also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve never had a girlfriend although everybody says I’m a catch. Anyways I fell in love last week with a girl who’s way above me. She told me she loved me too. A week later she wants nothing to do with me. Now a normal dude would move on but every woman I have liked/loved had deserted me. Cold shoulder style. Is it okay if I just end it? I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of my […]
3Hey I just have to get some things off of my chest… sometimes I just can’t go to sleep not telling anybody how I feel… I know it sounds pathetic but I love my mother altough I stopped calling her that. She is the person who hates me as much as I hate myself. Sometimes I think she is the reason why I feel so bad all the time. When I was younger she was quiet abusive. She also took drugs like I do but she was able to quit or she just doesn’t want to tell me anymore. I hate her but at the […]
Why do we pick days for suicide? I have been trying to plan mine for a fucking year, maneuvering the date around birthdays or special occasions. But then I realized, it doesn’t matter what day it is. It doesnt matter if we leave a note expressing our apologies to loved ones or telling them how much we love them. It is never going to take the pain away. Suicide is selfish and I’m not going to bullshit myself anymore. It just is. But people make selfish decisions all the time, not revolving around death. I’m choosing this for me. For once in my life, I’m […]
It’s been some time since I last was here. Sometimes I just disappear for a while without telling anyone. Like a rabbit down in the rabbit hole. It’s comfortable, disappearing at once, for an unknown period of time. People don’t like me doing that, but sometimes I need that air I can only breathe underground, here and now.
So I’ve done something that I’m not proud of at all. Being a Christian makes it worse. It also makes me a phony.
Ive been caught for doing this once before. Once I get a hold on internet connection, there is no limits for me. I get out of control, obsessed and desperate. It’s embarrassing for me really.
I went on something called ‘Meowchat’ and I started talking to some guy. He asked for dirty talk, and I gave it to him. I got nothing out of it, really. He then asked for nudes. I said ‘no’.
I sort of pressured me into sending one picture to him, […]
I am so done with this world. I don’t want to commit suicide. I just want to die. Every single day I imagine myself getting run over by a truck or suddenly acquiring a terminal disease. I think of those people with cancer or aids and think that they don’t deserve that. There are lots of people who want to die, why not give them the cancer or something. I think I’m depressed and I tried telling my mom once. She told me “You’re not depressed.” Then she gave me a chocolate milkbox. I told my sister that I may be depressed and she’s the […]
I’m the last person you’d think to be on here. I have a lot of friends, a boyfriend, and I’m super involed at school. On the surface I’m everything I want to be, but underneath I’m a mess. I have family issues and issues with peers. I have to keep telling myelf three more years than I’m free, but everytime a glimmer of hope appers it gets covered up by a dark cloud. The worst part is I need help, but I’ve given up on finding it because when I reach out people usually turn the other way. I’m just tired or trying, tired of […]
Everyone I know left…those who don’t will eventually do…everyone does…everyone leaves eventually it’s just a matter of time before they get tired of telling you that you’re going to be better or even things will be alright…they can’t stand being with someone who lost too much in their life…they can’t stand knowing that words are just not enough to help someone like mesk…so one who is broke into a million piepieces and having the broken pieces shattered by those who I thought wouldn’t leave…in the end all you can think of is that all of them are better without you…because just face the fact…in that […]
This bully Ava is telling everyone I’m a liar,faker,lesbian etc
What’s worse
She’s my bffs other bff
there goes that numb feeling.. That emptiness and the tears follow.. Its crazy that I could actually do something with my life but its to late for me..my life was over before I had a chance to be on my own..i hate my mother she’s been through so much and if only she got help I wouldn’t be so fucked up so now I’m stuck with the damage the PTSD and depression the every day struggle to smile and act like everything is okay while going to the bathroom 3 times a day just to cut.. My brain is fried everything hurts so much..i cry […]
My dad,always yells at me,mostly if I have late homework.He tells me “You only think about your self!” Finding me crying,telling me to think about myself!And not to long ago.I was crying I wanna die.My dad was like “I don’t care!(in a whiny baby voice) I’m so poor and I wanna die just because I have to clean!”.My friends and my mother only know why I wanna die.My dear friend,Dorothy, died from a stroke…shortly after my tenth birthday.And she had got me lots of things and I wanted my mom to tell her I said “thank you” she said “no your going to make a […]
Why do people have to be so mean. Every time i let someone in they always have to hurt me. I hate it how people always say they there gonna be there for me and once they see that i really do care about them they just leave. I just wanted a friend but they eventually just leave, but then they say life is worth living. i just want that oe person who will say they wont leave and then they do. my mom prefers weed ad meth so she’d set me away to my step dads who loves going to the bar. But i […]
I am miserable inside, its getting harder and harder to wear a smile on my face because there is always that little voice in my head telling me “your not happy!!!!????”