as the days go by i feel smaller and smaller and suicide seems more appealing. every day i feel like dying and every night i die, in a way. the only thing that keeps me hanging is my poetry. nothing else. not my girlfriend, not my soon-to-be-born baby boy, nor my friends and family. i feel like i got nowhere to go, i’m trapped inside this hellish reality and i don’t have the mental strength to break through it. i would’ve probably kill myself if my poetry was already published, but it’s not. hence i won’t kill myself. not until my words will light the […]
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the world
Hi I’m 24 year old male. When I was a baby I had surgery. I have scars behind each EAR… Look up v2k mind control…. Since I was a minor the town I live in turned me into a chomo. I was in my teens and the voices told me to look at teen porn…when I was in my 20s I remember getting outta jail and the voices were telling me to look at minor porn. Now the world pisses in my food and drinks and comes into my home. And pee in my shampoo n soap and toothpaste. So you still think you have […]
New start for me, just finished off the rest of my booze and starting my medication therapy of Effexor tomorrow!!! I know I made a previous thread about this topic but I just wanted to say a few more words. I really hope I succeed this time and don’t relapse and that I react well to the Effexor. Big life changes comin’ up for me, now if I could just have that much needed confidence to face the world without fear I’ll be set. Always a work in progress I suppose. Fuck even my own optimism is annoying me lmao, sorry folks.
Caught
In a rut, in a strut
In always having rotten luck
In parading around, no end to be found
To always letting myself get cut
And burned
By the same old things
Caught
In a lie, by and by–
In the absence of cut and dry
It’s easier to smile and avoid their eyes
Than to let loose the truth I have no name for,
No cage for
Caught
In a lack if words
Between maybe wanting to be heard
And a need to never be seen again,
A wish to hide away from the world
Caught
With a snap, in a trap,
Falling into the ancient […]
Usually I’m just smokeing a cigarette on a balcony, just me and a little red flame slowly running out… Reading some of the life storries here on the forum, but today I decided to blow off my mind here.
Right now I’m feeling like the whole univers is picking on me. Every time something “good” happens in my misarable life it soon backfires.
I was never some angry guy, I’m usually just depressed especialy in the morning (I’m really having problems getting out of bed) I’m always thinking of all the fails in my life, but once I get out of bed it gets better, usually at […]
To put it bluntly I am 40 yrs old, apparently an attractive and intelligent guy, cultured and well traveled. Been on too many dates to count over the past 2 years but have lost interest in meaningless sex and meaningless relationships, the thought of continuing on this course for another 20 years just brings me to my knees in absolute pain and hopelessness. The people around me have their own problems and wouldn’t want to hear about my bullshit pain so obviously I can’t open up and tell anyone how bad it has gotten without burdening them or being called mentally ill. What I don’t […]
I had no idea there were places were I could write about the possibility of killing my self.
I am just tired of life. I have struggled my entire life to try and find meaning and direction and a path for me to follow but I have never been successful.
I suppose I have done a few things, had a few jobs, bought a couple of houses, had a few relationships and so on, like most people, but I have felt empty pretty much my whole life.
I just don’t and cannot see the reason to be alive. I use the usual distractions that I guess most people […]
you can call me G,and i will tell you more about me,i am 24 male
and live on a third world country called brasil,being born in the 90’s and stuff i was used to talk with more smart people
the way they dress,talk and walk back then was completly different,crime was “rarer” compared to today,200.000 prisoners in 99 and 600,000 in 2015,you could walk on streets at night without being afraid of being assaulted,killed nor raped
maybe i am overreacting,just because i was a kid things maybe looked different back then or not,but for me things really changed,all this sudden change in the […]
It’s not like I want to die, don’t get me wrong. I just…. want everything to stop. I want the world to wait for me to figure things out and then move on. Of course that can’t happen, and I know that.
Sleep, though, is something that helps. I want to sleep for a while. Or, forever. I want to go to bed and not wake up. Sounds like a good way to go. I want to forget everything, wind back time to where I wasn’t like this. Just a few months ago I was normal. Happy. I made a mistake, something that’s not a […]
Moved to a new city for work. Don’t know anyone here.
Sometimes the world seems full of people I don’t want to know. People who lead dull, uninteresting, self-satisfied lives. Bored and boring people going about their humdrum existence.
Sometimes I think maybe it’s the other way around. That I’m dull and uninteresting and that world is beautiful and full of light and beautiful, interesting people shun me because I’m weird and fucked up and beneath contempt.
Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I’m sad. Mostly what I am is alone.
I’m alone all the time. Other people my age go out and have fun…I don’t have hardly any memories I can recall. I didn’t even do anything on my 21st birthday…was alone and depressed. Wouldn’t anyone think I was the most uninteresting, worthless person in the world if they knew I spend all my nights sitting alone on my bed at night, crying most of the time saturated in misery? Aren’t I wasting this precious life and youth I’ve been given? I would have friends and fun but I can’t. I don’t connect with anyone. I lost the guy I was in love with because I was […]
There won’t be anyone home besides myself. Friends and loved ones have been pushed away. I’ve been trying to use this time to think about ways to get better. Ways to change but something inside puts a halt to those thoughts…
I don’t want to get better. Things just need to cease going on. Whether it’s the world or just my world. Because the colors been drained, there is no more energy to care. Taking something hot or sharp to soft skin is all I really put effort into. If not that then other ways to wind up hurt. Brusies and scrapes, nicks and cuts…never have […]
From being young to many problems or a problem.
Each step was tough or maybe it still tough cause nothing has changed.
No one gets my state,maybe I should be the one getting to change my state in my own way by taking my own life.
Lies I have told,hidden in the dark in clear day light
Sharing my story is a waste of time cause it all end the same way, it passes by like nothing ever been told.
So ugly thoughts come up,should I take my self down?
I’m nothing than another day tomorrow suffering.
Having those ones who care is playing […]
i havent been commenting much lately. im sorry for that. you guys mean the world to me. but how can i help anyone else if i cant help myself? if i make it through the night, ill be back tomorrow, but as it stands right now, i just dont know. i dont fucking know. i do know that im terrified of whats next. im scared of an afterlife. but damn.. anything is better than this
Fine.
When the world come crashing down, don’t you dare cry to me, don’t ask me why, we tried to tell you, you wouldn’t listen, now you can face the consequences of your ignorance and inaction.
If you have the ability, you have the responsibility, each and every one of you, you really blew it.
You never fought for what you had, now it’s disappearing, little by little, and because nobody’s shot anyone, nobody’s dropped a bomb, and nobody’s taken to the streets to protest, you’re none the wiser, and you’ll refuse to give a shit even when you’re dragged off in the near future for even a […]
When my mother died I was eight years old. When this happened my father turned to drugs and proceeded to neglect and somewhat abuse me and my brother (non-sexually). Every since then I have looked for some affection from any man, just to have them be kind to me or even love me. I was later molested by two men I was manipulated and broken.
Everyone says I’m beautiful, but I’m always ridiculed by guys for many reasons. And whenever I proceed to tell a guy I like him, he acts like i’m the most disgusting thing in the world.
But then I finally found […]
I refuse to be afraid of the future, I refuse to be afraid of death. I refuse to let others harm me mentally or physically. I refuse to be the one people step over. I refuse to let anyone rule my future but myself, I refuse anyone the right to tell me how to live. I refuse all who dare step in my way, I refuse to allow the world to darken my soul. I refuse to be afraid of anyone and anything. I refuse to die with sadness. I refuse to let humanity corrupt me and I refuse to be weak in the face […]
I am married, have 2kids, working, I just can’t manage any thing in my life I feel like I fell in a big hole that I can’t get out of it and my husband dome times supports me and most of times not, he is a destructive person always want me to do what he wants immediately without thinking we are not getting along these days my life with is always ups and downs we are in down state always argue about every thing (cleaning, washing dishes, doing laundry, doing homework with my son, my kids hygiene and so many other things) he helps me […]
I need to seek, my Fairy or Godmother
Or where are you, my true, Brother
Ironic, so that I can be fixed
Drastic, will you hold-me with the heart
A light, cut from inside of
You all are, the gods of the world
This stricken and blank stare
Can you know
The poor-soulless, staring at the moon
I seek-to
Broken-one from the spectrum
You are such a beautiful aroma
That I can’t, breathe
I’ve been only, decaying in my monstrosity
Oh, comrade
Will it ever say
I found the beautiful music
But still, not you
I’m calling, fallen from the helm, now
From an eon-vast-ago
Everybody will be better off without me. I’m a burden to society in general it’s actually quite embarrassing.
I have nothing to offer the world. My grandmother used to tell me everybody has a purpose in life–maybe mine was simply to die.
Just a few more nights…until then I’m getting dressed up nice for the last time right now. I’m going to see my grandfather. I feel like it doesn’t make a difference if I go to family events or not anymore. Nobody actually cares if I’m there or not. But I’m sucking it up and truthfully I’d like to my grandfather and his dog one last […]