im feeling really crap. small, petty comments upset me yesterday and now I have become self aware of a suicide method that has been at my disposal for the last 13 years. pain free too, I am a bit bothered by the fact that the medicine that keeps me alive can also take it away. I hope to not get into a position where I even think of using it. I need some sort of help to keep my mind busy. sitting in this stupid house gets my mind wandering
So here’s the thing. I hurt all the time, hurt from my head to my toes, just hurt everywhere and all the time. As cliché as this sounds it is literally as if there is something or part of my heart missing. I am also very lonely. I really want someone who will care for me, hold me as I start to cry, someone to tell me that I am perfect, beautiful.
I can be anyone be anyone I want to be, I can be the bad girl, the good girl, the messed up girl, the girl who doesn’t have a care. I don’t know who […]
Until the day you break. I can’t even smile anymore, let alone think straight. I don’t know what happening in my head right now, it feels like I’m drunk, nothing’s registering. I’m a disgrace to my family, it would be better for them if I just left. It’s stupid too cause they’re the only reason I’m still here. Life’s fucked I guess.
Does anyone know a forum or website where people can talk strategies and things like that?
Hi, I’m new to this…..and I’m crying right now. I started getting depressed in the 9th grade and that was when my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants. And that was when I wanted to die so I took 5 of those pills but nothing happened. Through time I got better and better until a couple of months ago I started having suicide thoughts and actually cut myself. I’m a religious person and so after that I prayed and promised I would never try it again. I told my mom I was having suicide thoughts and she comforted me and told me it was okay […]
I’m not perfect I’ll admit, there are a lot of things I need to change like my depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm to start. I’ve already committed myself to changing but nobody trust me to do it on my own. Although therapy and medicine work for some people it terrifies me, mostly the drugs.
To me its petrifying to think that one pill a day can control my mind. Its changes the chemical levels to “balance” you out which changes the way you think. It might make you happier but at what cost. All of your originality and creativity is gone. Everything you though is different. […]
I don’t have any friends.
I don’t have anyone.
I’ve never had a girlfriend.
I’ve never had sex.
I’ve never had a job.
I’ve never kissed.
I never take risks.
I never try doing something.
I hate myself.
I despise myself.
I loathe myself.
Never asked for this.
Never wanted to be brought into this world.
I don’t wanna live.
I don’t wanna suffer.
People can be happy, just not me.
Life is beautiful, just not mine.
Life has a meaning and a purpose, I’ll just never be able to fulfil it.
I care to what people think about me.
I’m an attention whore.
I want to be accepted.
I want to fit in.
I want to be just like everyone else.
I’m a selfish bastard.
I like to compare […]
Rest assured i cannot think
Close your eyes begin to sink
kiss the hand of fear so sweet
let this silence be my treat
hear the voices in your head
let them fill you up with dread
they can get inside your mind
tell me now what they would find
would there be a shining sea
would it turn black from all the grief
where does this train of thought lead
are you ashamed for me to see
let this silence be my treat
kiss the hand of […]
Now I’m the one who wants to do the abandoning. Partly because this way, I’ll have nothing that keeps me from ending it all anymore. Seems counterproductive, doesn’t it? After all, when we’re at our worst, we benefit from remembering the things that motivate us to stay alive. It’s not like that for me. My relationship with my girlfriend, the few friendships I entertain, the big projects I have organized for the second half of this year… They don’t seem like reasons to wake up in the morning, but like handcuffs that keep me tied to this life I don’t want.
I don’t know if it’s […]
I’m not new to this site I’ve been here before on a different account. I left because I thought I got better. But today I just kind of broke down and I don’t know why. My sister is graduating from highschool I’ll be a junior next year. It all hits me pretty hard because I’ve never really had any friends so id always hang out with her. And this year I talked to some of her friends which I’ve even considered to be my friends but I don’t think they feel the same way. Anyway I just want to say I’m a piece of shit […]
I hate myself and I feel like a complete loser. I used to think I was somewhat pretty, but now I feel ugly, especially on the inside. I feel disgusting and dirty like I murdered someone. I am taking summer classes because I decided I just had to double major in another useless liberal arts field and it’s hard not to compare myself to people out having adventures and experiencing life. I don’t think it’s that lame to stay in school necessarily but for some reason I feel like I’m horrible for staying at home with my parents with no money or job, crying like a baby every day […]
I’ve been in severe neuropathic pain for over a year and a half now and I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve tried killing myself by injecting air into my central line(permanent iv leading to my heart) but I just coughed all 100ccs right back out…then today I was planning on slitting my carotid artery with a large knife while I was cutting a watermelon(I have seizures so I was hoping maybe it would seem like an accident) but I got really woozy and shakey and backed out because I was worried that I’d cut the wrong thing and survive. I’d just go with ordering […]
Hello,
So today was a pretty bad day for me. I got sent home from school because I couldn’t stop crying. Well, I told them the reason was because of a bad headache, but in reality I just couldn’t find the strength to get through the day. The thought of walking around and talking to people who I know don’t like me, the thought of simply being somewhere I don’t belong scared me. So I cried. I continued to do so until I got home where I finally slept. But my dreams were simply filled with horrific scenarios which I dare not repeat for thought of […]
Depression
Depression is not something easily understood. It drains the life out of you. You just fall and can’t get up. It requires so much for you to stand up, specially by yourself. People can lend you a hand but it’s just that they’re out of your reach. Depression is not funny or cute. It is something that consumes you. It takes over you and you feel like you’ve lost control.
Anxiety
Anxiety is not something you can understand just by learning about it. It is something that you have to experience in order to understand. It is fear. It prevents you from doings things. Making friends. […]
This will be my last note to everyone. I lay awake waiting for something to happen, waiting for someone to text me, waiting for forgiveness, waiting…. That’s all I’ve done with my life. I’ve been waiting to end all of this. Everyday I wake up, I go to school because it’s easier not to think there. I’m sitting at a table where no one wants me there. I’ve gave up with wanting to fit into a group. When I’m not there no one thinks about me. No one loves me enough to call them theirs. Theirs no place for me here. I started thinking about […]
I dont think anyone can hate me just as much as i hate myself . ive been rejected so many times for so long i honestly end laughing at myself because idk why im putting up with . i dont even know why i continue to look live with depression . someone that is alone like myself will never beat depression or ever find someone to care about me. Sometimes i just sit and imagine to myself how my life would be if i wasnt alone depressed or being with someone special to me but reality is always outside of my mind .im finally […]
My whole life I’ve felt so empty and worthless, it’s like I don’t belong here, I used to be the kind of person who just put on a mask and tried to live life thinking, “Well if I can’t know happiness I’ll just try and make others happy instead.” Bad idea. People will take advantage of you every single time whether you see it or not, no one cares, and the ones who do are only pretending so they can get something out of you in the end. I hate living, hate it. every time I look at my own reflection I get […]
I came here to get help .. so please no negative comments . Feel free to share your stories with me , I’m open to anything but , here’s mine ..
Its crazy . It hurts . It makes you feel so insane & lonely . You loving someone you know you’ll never have a chance with . What’s worse is never telling the person how you feel . When you constantly think of him more than yourself . You cry sometimes when you come to reality , when it all hits you .. it’ll never happen . Stop being irrational . Don’t be stupid . […]
He was feeling sad today cause of a family problem, I tried my best to make him feel better, I tried to let him know that I was feeling worried about my life too, college and stuff. And I was just starting to tell him, when he started to talk about his problem and I completely forgot about myself, so I can focused on him and try to make him feel better and not sad. And tried and tried my best, and he never let me in, he tells me “I love you” and I take it, but it feels like a lie, why. He […]
I used to think that I would always be happy… Well that was until my dad died last year in August. Since then I haven’t felt there was a purpose in life, like there is just nothing left anymore… I started doing things that even I felt was not right like planing my death with millions of different ways, but I wasn’t even realising I was doing it… Which really thrightened me, I though I was going mental. I booked an appointment with the doctors as I was so scared of what I would do to myself, they gave me some medication which really helped […]
I like to think i do more good than harm.
When you feel like your trying so hard to hold it together, sometimes you just give up.
I haven’t self harmed in a long while.
Maybe I turned that aggression outwards instead.
We all have bad days. They get better.
not much better.
but better every day.