I can’t rlly say that the thoughts are back but im starting to think abt it again. The second I realize im happy bam its all gone. Because these thoughts just start creeping back. Im really enjoying this time by myself which makes me want to disappear even more. Because I’ve actually realized how much I love being by myself. And I just I don’t know I still want to disappear. like i am happy i am but i don’t know if im truly happy that’s the thing. I don’t know if im just telling myself im happy so i can fake it till i […]
Every single day, a thought of me committing suicide or me simply not being here.. crosses my mind.
I want to obtain happiness within, but the darkness/sadness wins every time. It’s hard to walk up a very steep hill with 20tons on your back.
My thoughts are always with me, I cannot escape them.
my thoughts hurt me. actions hurt me. everything hurts.
i haven´t been here for over a year, and i really need to empty my brain, so here´s a bit of the mess that´s going on in my head
i tried to hide it more, so they wouldn´t notice. I guess I got too good at hiding it because now she thinks i´m doing so much better. And maybe I am, but it doesn´t really feel like it. I feel like soon i´ll break; and I don´t know if I can or want to stop it. Today she said, “I think you´re doing much better now. Do you still think you need to see a therapist?”. […]
I woke up this morning,went to the kitchen and made a coffee.I sat in front of my pc and I started watching videos on youtube,smoking and trying to kill time.Most of the time I wasn’t paying any attention to these videos.I was thinking.Thinking about my life and the world.
I spent most of my life in this empty house (I’ve been living here since I left my parents’ house when I was 20 years old).Alone.I haven’t got any purpose or any goals to reach.I’ve saved some money,so I don’t have to work for now.But I know that I’ll have to find a job.Working is a nightmare.I […]
It’s not like I haven’t tried to speak my mind to, tell someone. In fact I have been hospitalized for my depression, 7 day lock up with medication and a councilor to ‘talk about it.’ But why did they believe me when I told them it was because of some random girl making fun of me for being gay and trans-masculine. I don’t know why I’m depressed, or why I panic when I’m near people or feel the need to just scream for no reason. Why did they think it was another person hating me when I was hating myself for not knowing why I […]
you know those days where you wake up and decide you will definitely enjoy that day? you decide you’re going to do anything you can to feel happy and do everything you always put off. you feel determined and excited. today was supposed to be one of those days. since yesterday wasn’t the day off i would’ve liked it to be, i decided to try my best and have an acceptable day today. it didn’t particularly work, and i’m not surprised.
numbness is a very strange feeling. at first, you don’t understand it; but after a while, you forget how you felt before. what it […]
It was depression that killed the remaining happiness I had left, but it was the same thing that keeps me going. Most of the time? I just want to die, to disappear until there are no ashes, no trace of my existence would be left. To be just nothing, as I am now. But the nothingness wouldn’t be overwhelming. As if I never existed. I always think that life was just a joke that I had to deal with. It’s like a prank I need to face everyday. The more I encounter it, the more it makes me sick. Then later on I wouldn’t notice […]
What occupies your mind most of the day, on most days?
Food, sex, death, [fill in the blank] ?
Sometimes I just wanna kill myself just because but not really just because.
It’s just that everyday I’m thinking of it that it became so normal as saying, “Shit.”
So. Well. Shit. LOL.
(p.s. not a suicide note I still have exams tomorrow lol)
About a month ago I hit a really low point, and during that time I wrote down all the thoughts going through my head, which I’m going to share below. Don’t reply worried or anything, I’m okay right now and won’t do anything drastic, a promise I made to a friend. 🙂
Now here’s the document:
I want to die…
I’m hopeless of the future. At this point I know mentally I’m not capable of living the life I dreamed of. I will only be a burden to my family and friends in the future. I can’t be this brilliant person that can change the world like my family […]
I have no idea what to write here…. This is my first post, but I’ve been here reading all of your stories from time to time. It actually helps me and I’m so glad that I found this place.
I have no one to talk to. Or more correctly, no one I want to talk to because no one I know would actually understand me. And honestly, I would probably scare everyone away and I would end up lonelier than I am now.
I have months left to wait for my therapy treatment. What the f*ck am I going to do in the meantime?
My suicidal thoughts are back, and […]
Sometimes, you wonder where those whispers in your mind originate from.
These are not strange voices that I hear, nor do they frighten me. They are perhaps a hybrid between my thoughts and subconscious. But they are there. Not loud, but not so soft to just dismiss as thoughts. They are intrusive, and some days, relentless. The whispers sound… Familiar. Maybe they take on my own voice… Or at least what I think I sound like in my head.
Some days they are silly, commenting on little quirks throughout the day. I do not think of much them during such times. Other days, when I have fallen […]
I feel like crashing into a tree. Thoughts?
Hi guys, I am new to this site, came across it while looking for an outlet for my negative thoughts. I struggle to talk to people about how I feel, and I am finding it increasingly difficult to live with the loneliness of not being able to express myself. My friends are kind. I don’t have many, but the ones I do have I appreciate and are there for me often, but more in terms of meeting up and having fun, rather than being able to specifically talk to them. That’s why I am here.
For many years, I have felt insecure. I was severely bullied […]
Sala Samobójców, has anyone seen this film?
Thoughts?
There is nothing worse that not knowing how you feel; than having inexplicable feelings. It really is the worst feeling in the world. Not being able to express how you feel or what you want is the most disgusting and awful feeling you could ever possess.
Why does it happen? How is it even possible?
“You must know how you feel, you’re the one feeling it”
No. Because if I knew I wouldn’t dread every single day. If I knew I wouldn’t be numb and confused all the time over nothing. I don’t know how I feel about anything, and I don’t think I ever […]
what happens if you try meds therapy etc and that don’t work am I mean to sit back and watch life move on without me even no I’m alive I would rather not be around sitting in the shade do depressed people get better or isit for life cause this sucks just surviving each day with no goals I do dread waking up most day to do the same thing all over again the next day
The only thing that makes sense in my life these days is suicide, the rest is just a blur. When I think about improving things my thoughts turn to suicide, when I dream about being with and loving a woman my thoughts turn to suicide. It seems to be there waiting for me at any hour of the day, any thoughts I have turn to it, comforting me with visions of taking a last breath in this world.
I know I mustn’t think like this but I can’t stop it.
I know it will pass, but:-
Tonight I have Suicide on my mind.
To think that she would like me. Who would? Or could? I can’t and won’t.
I was almost convinced she did.
I tried to get to know her, slowly it was working, she appeared to be reciprocating; smiling, laughing etcetera. After a while we got to texting. It was nice for a few messages but then she told me she had to call her boyfriend.
Ripped.
Ripped my heart out, though it’s not her fault and I don’t blame her. I just thought we had stuff in common and we’d get along.
Every one said we’d be good together.
I guess she’ll haunt my dreams […]
Hi.. I am MrSilent. There is not much to know of me so I won’t bother with the details. I will give a very broad background of why I have chosen this name..
For years and counting, I have been silent. Silent of my emotion, silent of my thoughts and silent of my life and it’s duration. Recently, I’ve stumbled upon this community. I thought it would be quite interesting to be able to speak through text.. I have much to say but I will save most for later if I am still living. There is not a doubt that I am slowly collapsing, so, […]
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