I don’t think this is just me, but I’m not sure. Yesterday, I was having quite an excellent day. I am a pretty darn busy person, so being able to have some down time in my room was cool. I didn’t really have anything to do- and all the sudden, all I wanted to do was cut. I tried to run away from the feeling so I went to the gym to run it off. I came home, and was yet again consumed by the desire to cut. I wasn’t sad, depressed, or angry- it was just a reoccurrence of an old habit. Unfortunately, I […]
Tag:
Thoughts
Ive pondered suicide countless time and time again but somehow i never can go though with it. I feel so alone and in such a big world where no one else is like me. Everyone is either to good for me or doesnt want anything to do with me. I try so hard to put a smile on my face everyday and please and brighten everyone eleses days around me yet somehow i never get the same in return. I dont want to sound like a brat because i knew many people are so much worse off then i amci just cant stop […]
Sometimes I wonder if there really is an alternate universe, or another life, or a life in a life. And whatever might happen when you’re dead and your feet are no longer touching the ground.
What do you feel after you die? What do you see? Is everything pitch black, you with no thoughts whatsoever, you literally just gone? Are you really going to be up there, with a God who just so promised to have plans for you? Plans for your life? Or is there another life, where, once you’re dead, you live again. Live another life. Reborn. Forget your past life and just move forward. Start new.
Sometimes […]
I want to die, now or tomorow I don’t really care when but as soon as possible, please.
I’ve wanted this for so long now… but i just cant bring myself to do it. I’ve planned it out, and it seems so simple and quick, but i just cant do it. I want to die…but at the same time I don’t. I still have things I wanna have the opportunity to accomplish. However some of these things will take a really long time to do, and i just don’t want to wait because meanwhile I’ll just feel sadness and pain… I don’t want those feelings anymore.
What […]
Im thinking of where it should end…
A mountain?
A forest?
A beach?
A lake?
Back where it all began or somewhere totally new?
Rain or sun?
Day or night?
Swift or after one final time of reflection on what was what could have been and what will never be?
Thoughts?
I was doing so well for a while, it had been over 3 months since I had dangerous suicidal ideology. I mean I think it is normal to think of it from time to time but to feel like you are truly plotting it out and very close to action is another thing. I am still bad today. Deep depression, suicidal ideology, but I am not close like I was last night. I did speak with my doctor and I admitted to thoughts of suicide, but I didn’t tell him how close I was to taking steps. I am afraid of going to the hospital. […]
I’m such a fucking waste of space. How could anyone love a girl who can’t even love herself? Who cares about a girl who scars her own skin? There’s no pretty way to tell you I want to die. I just want to feel something other than hate and emptiness. I dream about taking a bottle of pills, slitting my wrists, but part of me wants it to be an accident, so I don’t seem like the coward I am. If a car hit me, it would be a blessing. A few years ago, I would of told you that I felt beautiful, strong, popular. […]
Why isn’t there a way to pause life and take some time to actually breathe? I’ve begged my mom so many times if i could stay home for just one day to take a break from it all, but she just laughed and said that i cant just pause life when i feel like it. She doesn’t see that everything is weighing down on me, each day is worse. these thoughts pile on top of me, making it to where its impossible not to notice them. I used to be able to block them out and act like they’re not there, they were […]
I had a mental breakdown last week and added 10x more scars to my body than there needs to be… I am a pessimist but also an optimist in training. But right now i feel like all the bottles in the world of prescription Prozac and Ativan couldnt fix me, i feel broken and lost like the lost things that end up in neverland. I hate these feelings they drive me insane and one day im scared that i might just be. I am only 19 years old but have suffered from depression since grade.9 and anxiety since grade.10, despite being in my 2nd year […]
Not sure what to say as I know this post is only for me to feel better briefly. Guess I’ll just say I’m tired of trying and going back to square one every time. I know it’s how I see the world. I know it’s my brain ‘chemistry’.
I wonder why there can be two people with the same mental illness, the same struggles, and only one commits suicide. What makes the other person stronger?
It’s weird what sets me into a downward spiral now. I’ve pushed everyone away & out of my life and I’m not even sure why.
Guess I just feel completely hopeless. […]
Things I tell myself on a daily basis..
They probably think you’re so stupid
They think you’re a joke
Why are you like this
Why can’t you be something the can be proud of
Why can’t you do anything right
You never fail at disappointing people
You created this whole shit fest of a life that you’re stuck in
Lay down and wither away
Don’t cry.. Do not cry
You’re such a fucking coward
You could never possibly be good enough to be likeable
You have never and will never finish anything because you fail
You will never truly be worth someone’s time
You are nothing..
Rot […]
First post..the thought/idea of killing myself has become more and more reoccurring. I’m so confused. I don’t understand communication, the useless topics and small conversation that just passes time. Everyone seems so comfortable in their lives, and know what to say or what their doing, I care alot about what I sound like-If i sound stupid, or “cool?” I dont want to be like this, I want to be truthful to myself, and I try too, but how do you stop caring what other people think? And fucking thoughts..what the fuck do you do with thoughts when you do not believe in or know they […]
Read a children’s book called “The giving tree” and I realized how cynical I am. But honestly am I cynical?? The worst is reality is it not? Of course there are brief moments of selflessness and kindness in the world but those are hard to come by. The book angered me, it made me feel pity because I saw myself as the tree. This tree that gave absolutely everything it had to a person who could careless. Yet even in the end, after everything the tree was still stupidly happy. I’m fucked up in so many ways that sometimes I don’t know if I can […]
I think I am sick. Certain health issues that arose 2 years ago have recently gotten worse and more frequent. I don’t want to see a doctor even though I am uncomfortable and in a bit of pain. I don’t like medicine. Strangely enough, I have had the urge to try LSD. I have never done drugs or really been interested in them. Well, I tried pot when I was younger, foolish, and pressured – it was not for me. I enjoy drinking wine on occasion. I keep thinking about partial suspension hanging…
A few people have called and tried to reach out to me lately. I […]
Loneliness is the worst part of all of this. I feel like no one truly knows me, like I can’t be truly honest to anyone. My family knows some parts of me, the only guy I’d call a real friend knows some other parts, you guys know still other things about me and there’s stuff that no one knows. There’s things I can only talk about with my family, some things only with my friends, some things only via SP and some things I can’t tell anyone. It’s like my personality is split in many parts, and whoever I am depends on who I am […]
Today I bought razor blades and then went home and listened to King Gordy time to die. It brought me comfort reminding me of when I would take a knife to my basement and listen to the same song. I feared I had changed a lot since I began consuming and shipping drugs but this helps remind me of my old innocent self. But even then I was suicidal, I recently read from an old journal I had about how much I hated my father getting drunk and my mother yelling, which is funny because I don’t recall my father getting drunk upsetting me that […]
Hi again all. I apologize to those of you whom I did not reply to on my last post. All of your input was extremely helpful and I am so happy ive joined this site.
Anywho, I want to inquire about the following-
Does anyone else want to leave their body? I feel so over whelmed in this body. I want my consciousness/energy to be released. I want to be everywhere or anywhere at any given time, yet I’m stuck in this vessel of a body. I feel as if if I left this body I’d be so much happier and free. I don’t want to have […]
You know how this site was created so suicidal people can come together and help each other? Yeah, it’s not having that effect on me. It’s actually kinda making it worse. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know. On a side note, how the hell do you delete your account??