I just can’t stop crying. Every day I came from work, I would curl in my bed and cry. Feels like my mind is a garden overgrown with weeds and thorns. And the garden never had flowers in the first place, it has always been empty and abandoned. And these tears make the weeds and thorns grow stronger and thicker by the minute, one of these days, my soul is going to get pushed out and will leave my body to die and rot in the garden I can’t tend to.
Tag:
to die
I have attempted suicide several times. Obviously, they failed. I don’t want to fail again.
I have tried everything thing under the sun to get to a point of being ok with myself and my place in this world. I have had fleeting moments of okay-ness, but only fleeting as I always come back to wanting to die.
I don’t trust anyone outside of a few family members who partially understand what I am feeling and give me the same advice of “pull up your bootstraps,” bullshit. I know they love me and don’t want me to suffer and I appreciate that. The thing is, I honestly […]
“I’m afraid of dying” was something that I used to think and say a lot, but I have forgotten how it feels to be afraid and not ready to die.
For about 5 years, I’ve felt constantly sad. Can’t say I’m depressed since I’ve never been diagnosed, but I can say that feeling hopeless is now my “normal” feeling.
So I wonder, what is the normal “normal” feeling? It’s obviously not hopelessness, so what is it? I wish to love life again. Either that or just not live. It’s not like I’m actually living, anyways.
-V
They once told me that when every human is born, they are afraid of death. That our natural instincts tell us to live. For some reason, I was born different. From as far back as I could remember, I was never afraid of dying. When I was young, if a car was racing towards me, I would calmly step out of the way without ever feeling anything. If I was in the ocean and I couldn’t stay afloat, I would simply think about how my life didn’t matter anyway. But as I grew, that indifference to life and death morphed into something different. It changed […]
Hey
To be honest I don’t even know what I’m doing here or why. I think I just need to vent and maybe, just maybe, be “understood”. I don’t mean to sound like a childish teenager who no one understands and no one ever would, I just don’t know how else to phrase it.
I used to be really depressed, for 3 years actually, although that is mostly blown over now. Some things though never seem to go away, how I act and behave is still highly influenced by those defining 3 years leading up to my late teens. I get annoyed by people, and push people away, […]
I was feeling pretty suicidal lately,and i cant call or talk to anyone in real life, so i tried emailing the samaritans. Ends with me having an emotional breakdown and shutting them away.
So i decided to try crisis chat instead. *clicks first webpage that popped up* -this service is available in US territories only- No.
*clicks second webpage* -this service requires steady broadband connection- No.
*clicks third webpage*-our operators are currently offline-Urgh.
*clicks fourth webpage*-this service is available in US territories only- ARGHHHHH
*clicks like a hundredth webpage* hey its online! -connects-
me: hi
Operator:hi, whats your problem?
Me: im depressed for no reason at all, and i want to die
Operator:have you […]
Im scared. Im so scared of death but at the same time I want, I need to die. Theres no purpose for me in life. My grades are droping in school, cant sleep or concentrate on anything. IM nothing more then a ghost, 3/4 dead and im scared im gonna break( if I haven’t already.) and then ill be gone, 6 ft under. I most likely wont even make it to 16, I wont have a husband or have kids. why? Because im a goddamn coward. It would be so easy to just give up, no more pain, or depression…
I want to die really. I turn to people around me and tell me I should work. how can I have ambition if everything in my life sucks. Im ugly , I’m going to die alone, why continue? im tired. I hate being me and I want to get out of here. I really do.. im trying to see the few good things I have but its hard. I want to hang myself its the only way I could do it
So let me just throw this out there.
I’m not suicidal but I have a chronic and, apparently, incurable illness that over the last 8 years has lowered my quality of life to almost comically unbearable levels. There are certainly days when I think, “so how long do you think you can endure this before jumping out of a fucking window?”
Let’s get real here – if you were an American being held prisoner by ISIS (or, for that matter, a suspected Muslim terrorist being held at a black site by the CIA) and tortured sadistically and de-humanized every day and was reasonably sure that […]
I want to die, now or tomorow I don’t really care when but as soon as possible, please.
I’ve wanted this for so long now… but i just cant bring myself to do it. I’ve planned it out, and it seems so simple and quick, but i just cant do it. I want to die…but at the same time I don’t. I still have things I wanna have the opportunity to accomplish. However some of these things will take a really long time to do, and i just don’t want to wait because meanwhile I’ll just feel sadness and pain… I don’t want those feelings anymore.
What […]
All i see is pain. Do i want to die or just for the pain to stop? Is there a difference? Is there any other way?
I refuse to be afraid of the future, I refuse to be afraid of death. I refuse to let others harm me mentally or physically. I refuse to be the one people step over. I refuse to let anyone rule my future but myself, I refuse anyone the right to tell me how to live. I refuse all who dare step in my way, I refuse to allow the world to darken my soul. I refuse to be afraid of anyone and anything. I refuse to die with sadness. I refuse to let humanity corrupt me and I refuse to be weak in the face […]
I was too stupid to trust a friend with my suicidal thoughts.
I told her how I want to die.
She told me about people dying wanting to live.
I told her: ‘Life is unfair, people can’t really have what they really want. I want to die but still living, they want to live but they are dying. I don’t see your point. Should I feel blessed for having something others want when I, myself, does not want it?’
Her answer? Ask another mutual friend.
They talked to me about solutions, alternatives, reasons and logic, of all things.
This is not a call for help. This is […]
I’ve got nothing left to live for. Everything I had I gave up for wanting something I really believed in, now that too is gone. I cannot continue living in this depression. I’ve tried sleeping pills last week but only woke up two days later, feeling like more of a failure for not even being able to kill myself. Cutting is not an option. I was thinking of driving out to the beach at night, taking another dose of sleeping tablets and then going into the water once I feel the effect thereof. I cannot keep breathing in this miserable existence any longer
Everybody will be better off without me. I’m a burden to society in general it’s actually quite embarrassing.
I have nothing to offer the world. My grandmother used to tell me everybody has a purpose in life–maybe mine was simply to die.
Just a few more nights…until then I’m getting dressed up nice for the last time right now. I’m going to see my grandfather. I feel like it doesn’t make a difference if I go to family events or not anymore. Nobody actually cares if I’m there or not. But I’m sucking it up and truthfully I’d like to my grandfather and his dog one last […]
I’m not afraid of death anymore. The inevitable panic stage of dying is what scares me the most. I know if I swallow a bunch of pills, have my sweaty, shaky hand on the grip of a pistol pressing against my right temple, or if I decide to hang myself, those moments of waiting to die will be the absolute worst. All I know is that I need an escape, I need out, I need out of my body and my mind, need transcendence.
I’d like to think that reincarnation is real and maybe in another life I’ll be wiser and not make the same mistakes […]
So, I had a conversation today:
Me: Hey…
Sister’s friend: Hi (my name), how are ya?
Me: Alive.
Sister’s friend: *nervous laughter* Well, that’s good.
Me: Depends on your perspective.
Sister’s friend: *more nervous laughter* You’re funny…
This aggravates me, far be it from me to seek attention or, god forbid, support, but it seems like people, especially the ones around me, feel comfortable ignoring every snide and brutally honest comment I make, do I have to hold up a sign?
Hell, while I’m reminiscing, gather ’round kids, let me tell you a story:
Late(ish) last year, I was walking home, along a busy street, when some kids started […]
@worthless_loser-73 had mentioned in his comments that he wants to die before his birthday that was in early june and he had scheduled a post for 6 june named “by the time you read this” which I thinks that post was for after-completed suicide and that post had been deleted. He has also not posted/commented for many days also.
There are 3 possibilities that
1)worthless_loser-73 has completed his suicide. And that his near people or cops got to know about suicideproject.org from the suicide note and they contacted suicideproject.org email and as a result the sp admin/moderator deleted that scheduled post or
2)worthless_loser-73 has been only injured from his […]
I couldnt do it again. Its gotten so bad i would pay for somone to kill me if i could. I dont want to live… But i dont want to die. P.Y is the only person stoping me and im losing her. Theres nothing for me anymore. I just want you back. I love you.
– Connor
i dont care enough to even type anything else other than i want to die