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Quietly Breaking

by DexQuietlyBreaking
written by DexQuietlyBreaking

I’ve spent hours in the dark with streams going down my face and cracks running along my heart. I’m always trying to put the pieces together.

Why does it feel like my life is crashing like the meteor that killed the dinosaurs?

I have my happiness. . Oh yes, I have it.

But you know that moment it feels like life makes your mind turn your emotions into people and sends them flying at each other with everything they got?

Negatives fighting positives.

Anger, sadness. . Fighting hard to destroy your happiness. To break all that love and strength in your heart.

That moment can make a person feel like they’re […]

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four years on

by Hedabuvh20
written by Hedabuvh20

I started posting on here four years ago and I feel the same way that I did in the beginning, it’s nuts.  Four years ago, I completely cracked, I try to keep it together, but it’s broken.  I can’t fix it, can’t believe I’m going to live the rest of my life like this either.

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I f*%ked up so bad

by headupunderdarkcloud
written by headupunderdarkcloud

Not looking for sympathy here, what I did is what I did. I should have just been there for her as a friend, shouldn’t have given into her subtle advances, taking it to the next stage I knew I’d surely regret. I should have recognized her vulnerability and kept respectable distance with compassion, but I didn’t..

I allowed the night to progress, one beer, 2 beer, 3 beer, talking closer and closer at the arcade bar, her warming up to my unfurling pinball skills, as laughable as that may seem, close contact is close contact.
Suddenly the air is charged. The familiarity of our past, the […]

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Lost

by jay7436
written by jay7436

I have always dreamed of myself dying at a young age and I hope it happens. If someone asked me if I could reverse my birth, I know I would. There is no other possible answer for me. My family always says I’m useless, so why should I be here? I don’t ever get why some people say that life is a gift. Whenever I’m in the car, I always imagine some car or truck crashing into me, killing me. Instantly or not, I just want to die. But the one thing that is holding me back are my friends. My closest friend, we have […]

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alone

by bnwB
written by bnwB

Hello everybody.
First I want so say sorry, for my bad englisch. I hope, that you will understand, want I want to tell you.

I’m so lonely. Every day I’m alone, at home, in my bed, and do nothing.
I have no friends.
In the morning I’m at school and nobody cares about me. They just think on them self. If the classmate’s friend is sick, she comes to me and want to talk with me but only than. If her friend isn’t sick she doesn’t care about what’s with me. Nobody cares about me. I walk alone, I work alone, I do everything alone.
When […]

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Honoring The Fallen. The Ascended. The Free.

by HERE4UOK
written by HERE4UOK

image

Hello SP –

Looking for your help with a small project.

I need to know about any confirmed departed fellow members you can share.

I am putting together a tribute video (or trying to at this point) and would greatly appreciate your kind assistance.

Their member name is enough. I’ll search the site for their posts and quote highlights from their words.

Thank You!

 

HERE4UOK

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feeling depressed again

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

Feeling depressed sad, not grieving sad.  At least it feels like it, like I’d be feeling this way (mostly) even if my fiance and I were still together.

I do feel like I’ve sort of accepted she’s gone and what’s happened, maybe.  But it feels like my life is just a cycle of loss and tragedy on top of unrelenting depression and anxiety.  The only reprieve I’ve had was when I was with my fiance/girlfriend.  Our first year together is probably the happiest I can remember ever being- not only was I in love with an amazing woman who loved me back, but right before we […]

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This Won’t Make One Bit of Sense… I’m writing things as they pop into my head

by lanegirl
written by lanegirl

I’ve been asking my parents to take me to a psychologist for the past four years. Today they told me I have an appointment next week, I was happy at first, then they told me the day of my appointment and I got scared.
I have too many things on my plate…
I used to enjoy going to my Forensics practices, it was a time where I got to swear, scream, cry and just be who I am inside without anyone knowing. Now, I have to be patient, not be so dramatic. For FUCKS sake, how am I not supposed to be dramatic? Seriously, my category is Drama! I […]

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Dad killed himself, why can’t I?

by headupunderdarkcloud
written by headupunderdarkcloud

It’s almost 8 years to the day now when I got the call, that mom needed to come over to tell me something, and seated in the worn-out dingy couch on the porch, dark outside, the words spilling from her into me, something that could not be taken back, something final, a new reality shocked into me.
I remember somehow taking it so well, the determination to be strong overcoming any flirtation with falling apart or to pieces about it. It was his decision, and that’s what he did, he is no longer in pain, there’s nothing that can be done about it and we’ll […]

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VooDoo Doll

by HannahGort99
written by HannahGort99

Lately I’ve been feeling so used that I feel useless, like an object instead of a human being.
I feel like I’ve lost all feelings all together from how people have treated me.
All the disrespect, and just seeing how they don’t give a damn or care about how it affects me.
They don’t care because they don’t know that I have feelings.
They mess with me, hurt me in many ways. But do they even notice or care? No. Why?
Because they think I’m just a god damn voodoo doll.

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An Introduction

by NicoleK
written by NicoleK

Hi, I’m Nicole. I’m sorry that you’re here, but I’m also glad that you understand. 

I would never consider death if there weren’t so many barriers to survival. I mean, many of those barriers are within myself, but there doesn’t seem to be much help to fix those things. I have tried counseling and talking with friends and praying (which I very much believe in), but I still feel wretched. I just can’t handle failure or any kind of mistake, really. It comes from years of abuse and others’ harsh reactions to childhood mistakes. Now, I react to failure in a way that resembles muscle memory. […]

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Life Isn’t a Fairy-tale

by Bri
written by Bri

My escape has always been, and always will be, reading. I’d spend days reading book after book in series before moving onto the next series that caught my interest. Harry Potter, 13 to Life, Shiver, Hush Hush, Fallen, etc. I’d lose myself into the fantasy, just for a little while, and it would ease my pain. It’d make me forget I was sad, if only for a little while.

Now that I’m in college, I don’t have much time for escaping. Not with the work loaded down on me.  5 hours of homework from Accounting 1100 (per day,) at least 4 hours for English, Psychology, and […]

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I need help again.

by tiredthoughts
written by tiredthoughts

I feel like theres no reason to live. I’m not moving forward, I’m unemployed, Im not interested in anything. I don’t want to do drugs again but I feel thats the only thing that helps me sleep, and forget all of last year. It blends time together, I have no real skills, my only friends get high and I just move nowhere. I tried talking to that girl. I know I shouldnt have, I guess you could say that I’m weak. Pathetic as she would say. She humors me, but just to get her point through. I don’t want to date, but I do. But […]

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I don’t feel I belong anywhere..

by tiredthoughts
written by tiredthoughts

Not even here. I was contemplating sui before and sometimes I think of it. But I feel like I don’t relate anymore. I don’t know if I should even be writing this. I don’t think I should be here. But can’t rule myself out just yet. I obviously need or seek help and guidance but, maybe. Why can’t I be normal like I used to be. Just pull myself together like before. I have a hard time reading others’ posts because I don’t know if I’m going through anything other than self pity.

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Lonely

by evildandelions
written by evildandelions

It’s like periodic anxiety attacks where my chest aches every time the shock of her absence, the pain of missing our life together, hits me.

I may feel less depressed because of the TMS (or possibly the the treatment for PCOS), but I still feel useless.  Classes start this week and I don’t think I know how to be human again yet.

 

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Sick and tired of loving someone…

by ppprx
written by ppprx

She’s the reason why I’m happy and at the same time she’s also the reason why I get depressed. She inspires me to do my best in everything and at the same time she’s the reason why I feel uninspired to do anything. I know it sounds weird.

I feel like I’m a third wheel to a relationship that should obviously work out and yet nothing’s happening. I’m stuck to be some girl’s friend while she and my guy friend are all head over heels each other but they aren’t even together. It fucking sucks to think that since they aren’t even together, what I should […]

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Friends called me a psychopath today

by blank-clutter
written by blank-clutter

I am trying to keep it together and not express anything that would show how angry and sad I am all the time. I feel like I have terrible thoughts and urges but Im trying to keep it all inside because I dont want to hurt anyone. Today during dinner my roomates were having a conversation and I was thinking I wish I could participate better. I wish I could have a proper conversation and be engaged like normal people are. Instead I was just playing with my napkin. I eventually started ripping and tearing it. They pointed out, you know psychopaths do that, then […]

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scared

by auron
written by auron

so my ex and I were together for a year, we did drugs all the time and I ended up in a psychosis with so many delusions that I broke up with her thinking I was being followed among many other things. I’ve wasted a lto of money, I have a shitty atar and I constantly feel like I’m fighting my own mind, each day is a tremendous struggle. it’s my brithday in 3 days and I’ll be turning 19. my ex has cut me out of her life completely, calls me a stalker and talks bad about me. My current girlfriend does not make […]

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