Gettn super high tonight leaving the drinking for tomorrow. So yeah ima be up allnight. Its sad that the only way i can get some sleep is by being drunk.
Tag:
tomorrow
Yup…
But it’s not the usual, it returned… It returned much worse than before… MUCH, much worse…
I can feel whatever’s left of my sanity fading away as I am drawn back into the cycle of repetitive days, with the time barely moving on during the parts of the day I hate, and flying by during the few moments I enjoy in the day.
Then, going back to bed, thinking with dread that tomorrow will be another day I will have to wake up and face the world. Another day I will be reminded with every occasion of the failure that I am. Eventually falling into an uneasy […]
Graphics went okay, I guess. It turns out they’ve extended the deadline to next Monday, and my tutor didn’t see my lack of work as she was busy.
However, the morning was unbearable. I was in college no less than 15 minutes when I started to have another ‘episode’, for lack of a better word. Thankfully, it only lasted roughly 3 hours. I see my doctor tomorrow morning, first thing. And I’m debating on whether to tell him about what happened today.
I can’t remember most of it, but I vaguely remember believing everyone in college were robots and were part of a plan to attack me […]
I want to die I can’t take living anymore I’m going to destroy everything and lose the person who was one of my only reasons for living , I’m just a worthless cowardly piece of shit , I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow
There are so many ways to help yourself other than stuffing your self with pills and seeing a therapist . I’ve never done either of those so I don’t really know what it’s like , but I have friends that tell me self therapy is so much better and that is ….
Art.
I’ve been recently starting calligraphy . It’s so interesting .. And hard . & it’s beautiful .
For Christmas my mom bought me a zen coloring book too . And it’s nice because I’m just paying attention to coloring in between the lines .
I think art is a good way to help yourself . It’s […]
I’ve given up. It was the other day I decided to not message the guy I love again, but then by chance he ended up sending me a message. However, I’m still resolving myself to just give up. I know I’m not important and I have no place.
Odd that I’d finally get around to trying to complete his promise to me since he never will. I just pored the shit, so, if it comes out at all, it’s gonna be seriously jacked. The mold was split in half and in 3 sections. Took a shit ton of work to try to seal it up. Best […]
I’ve never used a website like this before, i have been struggling with my emotions for as long as i remember. Tonight was the first time i have cut in four years. I currently do not want to leave my bed. But i probably will leave it and lay on thr floor. All of this i have done as a punishment to myself for hurting someone that I love. I deserve this emotional turmoil I feel. I deserve the tears in my skin and the empty feeling in my chest… I will not eat tomorrow. I don’t deserve to be comfortable. Why am I punishing […]
For a time there, I was wondering what I should do.
For a time there, I’ve been thinking about my future.
For a time there, I’ve thought about moving forward
For a time there, I started looking towards a different tomorrow.
But, that wasn’t it.
I let myself believe that it could be better.
I let myself believe that I would change.
Maybe because I’m weak.
and I’m wracked with crippling fear.
But I finally figured it out.
Right now, I’m only holding on to one thing.
When it finally breaks,
I already figured out what to do.
What I want to do.
It’s not today
Or tomorrow.
But.
I finally figured out […]
Hasn’t felt like Christmas today at all, haven’t felt that so-called Christmas spirit throughout the run up to today at all this year. Seen so many photos of other people being happy today, and it just deflates me even more. Had messages from a few people saying “hope you’ve had a good Christmas” but ended up just ignoring and not replying cos there’s no way of really explaining to them how I’m really feeling. Feels like crap like any other day. Will be the same tomorrow. Wake up, feel like crap for the whole day, go to sleep, repeat. What a great life.
There is something liberating about accepting being a nobody.
I have been bullied, belittled, and abused as a child in both my school and in my family. For the longest of times, I have done my best to improve my reputation and status in society in response to these actions. However, I have failed time and time again. After numerous short lived careers, huge heart aches, and personal failures, I have come to the realization that, indeed maybe they were all correct before. Maybe indeed I am a nobody.
If it is truth, then all my past failures, misfortunes, and regrets can be rationally, logically, and justifiably explained […]
I told you that you have a real shot. I don’t have to tell you that I’ve changed. I think you’ve already seen it and felt it. I think you know it deep down. You feel that I want nothing from you other than you to out live me by one more day. If he is your best shot at carrying you through to tomorrow than I’m his biggest fan. I’m man enough to admit that we’ll never work out or be the same as we were. Sure, its painful, but seeing hope arise in your eyes even for one more minute is worth a […]
I realized that I’m not living because I want to,or because I have hope that maybe tomorrow or a few days from now will be better….I’m only living because if I did kill myself it would make others lives worse,even though those lives I would be making worse by dieing are the same people who are making my life a living hell. I’m not here because I have hope or because I have a will to live….I’m just empty,but for some reason I still have to be here.
I thought I was slowly getting better. I feel terrible all over again. Family is planning to go to the beach tomorrow, after visiting the cemetery. This just reminded me that we were at the beach 6 days before my brother died. He was talking about life, my life. How important it is that I hold on. But I cant. Not without him.
Just now, my parents told me that my cousin commited suicide because he couldnt deal with my brother’s death. They had said his death was an accident. He died just weeks after my brother died.
I see myself cutting tonight or getting […]
It had been a really weird but happy (?) kind of day for me today.
I was actually planning to kill myself this evening. And today was supposed to be my last day on Earth. But then, idk maybe God is showing me signs to live.
I woke up this morning feeling really anxious. I had planned out what to do for today, finish suicide note, delete all social media accts., clean my room (finally!) and all those stuff to prepare for my departure.
I heard my mom and my cousin downstairs talking about some serious matters, a problem with my other cousin and her husband, our financial […]
The only thing that holds me back is destroying my family and those who love me. My mom would be absolutely devastated. My suicide would probably kill her. And I don’t want to leave my dog either. But sometimes I’m like fuck it all, I don’t care anymore. And then I feel really selfish.
I don’t know if I can take it much longer. I’m gonna tell my therapist about my suicidal thoughts for the first time tomorrow (at least I’m gonna try).
Right now I feel I’m a really weak person. I fucking hate myself.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. […]
It’s over.
I won’t deny it
I’m so sorry
I hurt you
I did so many things
Not all of them good
You have every right
You should
I never said sorry
I’m so afraid
I’m so sorry
I can’t leave
I wish you happiness
Everything I couldn’t give
All I ever tried
Every little part of me
They all died
I wish could understand
I wish I could be yours
And You could be mine
You’re beautiful
I’m ugly
On the inside
You are free
Please don’t cry
Please don’t say goodbye
But most of all
Don’t you lie
And say you want
To see me tomorrow
I used to sleep all day and all night. Now I sleep all day but I’m awake all night. I’m scared to go to bed. I fear the day that comes next. I don’t want it to be tomorrow don’t want to wake up and pretend not to be miserable. Don’t want to have to see people, talk to them. Interact with the kids that is my job. I’m just scared.
It gets a little easier to let go
I gotta stop being afraid to just step into the fray. Just completely let go.
Even if i fail the pain from the mistake would feel incredibly real. For once.
As nov. 2nd approaches i cant help but think of my recently passed cousin and how he helped me out so much. Was so free. I think about how he was in a car accident and how i want to experience it.
I know its fucked up thinking but what else is new..
Ah well this is just good venting. I’ll be making an hour trip back home tomorrow […]
This is my first post but I have been reading for a while. I have been trying to fight for years but I am so tired of fighting everyday to never be happy. I obsess over how I’m going to end it and when. I’m afraid of a failed attempt. I am so tired of never feeling good enough, having people walk out on me, and just not caring.
I hate hearing people say to just give it time or things will get better. I am 25 and it never gets better for me. I just want it to be over now. I don’t want to […]
Life has fucked me over again, but this time it’s payback time.
First thing tomorrow, I’m getting hold of some booze and dope, heading to the train tracks and jumping in front of the first hi-speed train that comes my way. Yeah, it’s gonna be hard on the guy running the train and people who will notice, but I don’t give a fuck anymore. Call me selfish, because maybe I am… All I know is I WILL do it, whatever it takes and no matter who I hurt in the process…
I got no one to say goodbye to without getting locked away in some psych ward, […]