When we first met I had no intention of letting you inside, of giving you my heart, of loving you with my soul. Just a little while later, all of that came true. It all came true at the point I was most ready to end my life. It was… a miracle of sorts. The single best and worst thing that ever happened to me. No longer on the edge, I was yours to take, although you never did. But still, the tomorrows kept coming because of you. It’s two years later and nothing’s changed. I wish I had moved on by now, but with […]
I’m not doing well. I am beyond upset. I feel so crushed and stupid and so incredibly sad right now. Someone very close to me is probably gone now. I don’t even know what I can do or how to help myself because I’m so sleep deprived and then this shit happens. Twin if you are still here please talk to me. I said you can trust me and I don’t lie. Every word was true. Now I just feel like an idiot.
For a long time, I’ve thought to myself, “You’re just being lazy”.
That’s what I thought. I’m too tired, too exhausted. I’m just bored with the day. Or maybe I’m sleepy and I am just such a lazy kid that I don’t get things done.
I’ve always known, deep down inside of me, that that’s not the true reason. But I still always doubted that maybe, just maybe, it IS.
But I realize at this moment, and I’m confirming at this moment, that all my beliefs about this being something else was true. And I’m confining that it IS true.
I am not lazy; I am not tired; I […]
so I’ve been thinking, what I said before is true but, I couldn’t end my life for the sake of my mother. I know she hurts and I couldn’t put her through anymore. I want to tell her everything. I want to talk to her and help her. I made a promise to myself last night that I will always be here for her. no matter how much pain I have to go through. I have enough as it is but for my mother I would do anything. she’s the strongest person I’ve seen in my life and my hero. I’ll absolutely do anything for […]
I do love psychopath they emotionless they feel no emotion but they learn how to mimic theym which is awesome did u know they cry one eye at a time not both cry I read don’t no if it’s true but still being able to cry with no feelings or reason not really feeling up set sounds good right
and I love their eyes u can tell a psychopath by their eyes it’s called the reptilian gaze they look into your soul
like a animal about to kill that killer instinct the eye
antony Hopkins plays a great psychopath hannible
you ever seen blood in the moon light it […]
You know sometimes I really frigging think to myself, (LIKE RIGHT NOW):
“FUCKING. SNAP. OUT. OF. IT.”
No yah. Its true. Just snap out if it. There IS no sadness.There is no stress. There is no problem. Get up and move on and live life “normally” because that exists for a damn reason.
But you know what? I can’t,”snap out of it”. I can’t wake up one day and be OK. I can’t pretend I am fine. I can’t because I am NOT.
But still,
once more,
“snap out of it. Everything is fine.”
Sure.
But maybe I’m not.
she’s all wrapped up tight
unwrapped she shines in the light
i hesitate at first for moment everything goes quiet
Iv found a new friend she’s so shiny and light
she knows my pain without me saying a word
she knows how to change mental pain into physical
without any words
she knows how to release tension all built up inside
She makes me bleed but she makes me feel alive at the same time
i don’t feel so numb this is kind of fun watching the blood run
but she dose leave scars that much is true
but in dark nights she really dose looks like the moon
– Ray
After my test tomorrow with the piza place thay interviewed me this week. And I say good bye to my dog, write or type or video recored everything im done. Im fucking done. I cant handle this anymore. Im not going through this again. Im not going to be homeless. Im not goint to be jobless. Im not going to be carless. Im not going to suffer being alone. Im not going through this. I cant take it! I cant fucking take it! I hate myself! I hate everything! I HATE MY LIFE! Im done im fucking done!
IM SORRY SP! IM SORRY EVERYONE! IM SORRY! […]
im not one really for emotions I still don’t really understand them but looking at my daughter In a room full of people knowing you would kill anyone who caused her any pain to cry or even make her sad and you would do anything for her is this love ?
Like I said before I don’t feel connected to anyone is this love ? I don’t think one can love anything more deep then a parents love I’m not a psyco am I it’s normal for a parent to want to kill for the kid right ?
is finding true love really a myth then ?
Anyways […]
It was horrible, beyond any measure I could have anticipated.. I guess I should have known, but clearly didn’t. I was treated less than human, my basic rights suddenly stripped, walking around in hospital-issued scrubs in a daze, trapped, awaiting doctor’s orders for release.
3 days locked in the confinement of the behavioral wing of the hospital, constantly supervised, your every movement documented, got to go outside once, for some 15 minutes. It was so horrible, all I could think was “get me out of here”, and now that I am out, hardly do I feel any better, but surely for the worse.
Everything feels […]
I never believed that dreams could come true,
But then I realized that nightmares
Are dreams too.
so hard that you almost feel like you are in the past again. Like all the hard work you’ve done to be a better person to have a better life just to end up right back at the bottom. This depression is eating away at me and it is truly agonizing I’ve gone such a long time without feeling suicidal. But yet some how I find myself wishing that I could just disappear and be done with life. I’m destined to be alone and I’m mortified by that because I know it’s true. I am so fucked up mentally and emotionally and every other way […]
As phantom says we got dealt the shit hand by God where did we go wrong or what did we do to piss God off ? is it a test of strength ? Test of faith ? I don’t know but it is some bull shit right here
maybe with lived a high life before this life ? Maybe I should start going back to church ? Or maybe we live in hell and we go heaven when we die ? That dose make suicide sound nice if people who commit suicide and go to heaven it’s a sin I think ? But who cares ? […]
Anyone wanna describe how they felt when taking opiates (or synthetic opiates) for the first time? Just ordered some Tramadol and I’ve never taken any kind of drugs before, so I was just curious. Also heard that drinking after taking them increases the feeling of intoxication. Is that true?
Sometimes when I close my eyes
I can hear a demon telling me lies
I know his words are not true
His words are only lies about you
Before he finishes what he wants to say
I ignore and order him to go away
He laughs and says his goodbyes
But I know those are also lies
No matter how many lies he weaves
I ignore them until he leaves
But one day I heard the closing of a door
Since then I could not hear him anymore
Finally the demon has given up
Finally the demon’s lies has stopped
But where and why did he go
That’s an answer I do wish to know
I do not see any reason […]
Everyone will let you down.
It sounds pessimistic, but it’s true. It’s sort of inevitable. When I was younger, I thought that if someone loved you, you automatically loved them back. I thought that everyone would have that perfect, fairy-tale ending. I thought everyone would find their soulmates and all the beautiful feelings of adoration would be reciprocated. Unfortunately for eight-year-old me, this isn’t the case. The sad truth is, you could love someone and give them the world and they could still not give a single damn about you. And you could do the same to them. It took me a long time to […]
This amused me:
http://www.theonion.com/article/report-getting-out-bed-morning-sharply-increases-r-52430
Sure, it’s satire, and somehow also unmistakably true.
Although I must admit, I’ve been stuck in bed since Tuesday night (the usual health issues), and things aren’t much better here either.
On the bright side, the health issues attacked at the same time as a load of winter weather crap, so I wouldn’t have been able to make it outside either way.
Enough about me.
How are the rest of you?
Did YOU make it out of bed today, and if so, did things get rapidly worse like the article said?
I have to be always remined that I am just not ment to be happy or have a voice others like my parents and husband try to tell me thats not true but learn that that a I cant have happiness.
I feel like dying right now. That doesn’t have to do with the post but its true. If there was an instant death pill I could take i would. Since that isnt available im wondering about a natural anxiety remedy. Has anyone tried ashwaghanda? If so how has it gone/worked. I worry all the damn time and the increased cortisol and anxiety eating is slowing my weight loss. How does it compare to medication?(which i have hated personally) i checked examine.com and amazon reviews and they have positive things to say about it. Im going to at least try it. Still if anyone has anything […]