I had just returned from a job interview. It was the first interview I have had in over a year. Since losing my job in Nov 2011…. I was trying all sorts of job opportunities… but with the same result. So much so that I lost hope and had been living out of my savings and later? with my parents? until this job interview came up. It seemed like a job offer on a platter – they desperately need to fill in the post in a weeks time -but I‘d not kept myself updated in the recent past – and couldnt answer the simplest questions. […]
Tag:
trying
My whole life I’ve known that there is something wrong with me, and ever since I’ve been old enough to be self-aware I’ve done a lot to make myself better. You kind of have to, yeah? In some ways it’s almost effortless. When you suffer intensely you have nothing to do but search for a way out, even if you’re just laying in bed, trying to figure everything out.
It’s this feeling of real loneliness, and an intense fear of being alone. It’s killing me. I’m in my mid-twenties and I feel like I’m at least middle-aged. I’ve fallen in love a few times but it […]
Have a plan in place. Will have my house empty, clean, and pay as many bills as possible, as well as debt. Going to take vacation few days before. And any money left over will go to family.
Still working on the final note, but for sure don’t want services, just creamation, quick and easy. Only one person I want to say a few thing to first. BuT would only make me feel better, and her ask herself if she should have seen it commimg.
Going to slowly die, over the next 100 days, doing my best to show the world everything is peachy. And going to […]
I miss the days when I felt happy. How I became so content with the idea of death I don’t remember. I try so hard to be happy but it just doesn’t seem to work for me. I’m not happy, I’m not angry, I’m not much really.
Just really really miserable.
But it’s not even that. It’s like, that feeling you get when you’re about to sneeze. You know it’s coming. You can’t wait long enough for that sneeze to be over.
I think what I’m trying to say is, I long for the feeling of not feeling anything at all. I know it’s coming, it’s just a […]
I’ve done drugs since about the 7th grade, so about 4 years. I first started off with smoking weed, just like everyone else my age, but last year I started doing pills; anything I could really get my hands on: Seroquel, Tramadol, Xanax, Hydrocodone, etc.
I’m an 11th grader now and a teacher or Administrator at my school knows I do drugs and cut myself to cope with all the stuff in my life. She’s obviously been keeping it a secret; I think we would both get in trouble if someone found out she knew. Anyways, she’s been trying to get me to see a drug […]
I’m tired of my life and don’t want to live any more. I used to be very much afraid that others might think I’m weird or stupid. That kept me from trying new things because I did not know how to behave in unknown situations. So my life is pretty much the same and very boring.
I tried killing myself but wasn’t able to give myself that little last push to actually do it. What I’m wondering now is, why I’m still not able to do the things I want. I mean I have no reason to be afraid of any consequences. I will die anyway. […]
So I end my life, and it crushes my family (parents & sister). I don’t want to do that. I don’t think I can do that. I love them, despite all the ways I’ve wronged them.
On the other hand, I stick around, and it’s just painful. I don’t think I can ever form any real connection with anyone, or enjoy their company. There’s large parts of me that are just plain evil, that are unacceptable. I can’t let anyone see who I really am. I’m utterly alone, even when I’m not. My day to day existence is meaningless. I hate being around people, because I […]
God is boring . boring God . why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ? why God is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
God is boring . boring God .
why human’s imagination & fantasy is better than God boring reality ?
why God is boring ?
I hate this world . I hate this life . I hate life .
This world is so boring , boring world !
This life is so boring , boring life ! life is boring .
Why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than this world / better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, […]
I have been severely depressed for several years. I began to think I was bi polar because it would be unbearable for a few months then it would be manageable for a few months then unbearable for a few years etc etc. However apparently with bipolar you get to feel maniacally happy for a small period of the time. Lucky bastards. I broke up with the first person I ever truly loved, due to an occurrence of cheating (on his part) which broke me. Up until this point, I had been getting better. Slowly becoming more active and happier. He managed to destroy my entire […]
Sometimes I wonder why I even stick around anymore. I mean yeah.. there are people who “love” me but they never seem to truly get it. Fact is, im exhausted. Plain and simple as that. i feel unloved, unwanted, uncherished.. pretty much just forgotten by society. Everything that I am and everything that is perceived to be me are completely disingenuous. Its all an act, a part I have to play so that people around me dont lose their minds.
But what is that point? I wake up each day knowing exactly how eveything is gonna pan out. The monotny of life and suffering is all […]
I know it shouldn’t matter, but seeing people around me happy, fulfilled, able to handle their finances, their relationships, their lives, it just makes me feel even worse.
I had been feeling better earlier in the year, but seeing other’s succeeding while I continue to fail has sent my back down. I had to delete my Facebook, because it only depressed me.
I have lost everyone that ever mattered to me (save for a few family members and a friend in another state). It is abundantly that others who I thought I was important to don’t care about me or need me at all.
I have long ago […]
My life’s not really going anywhere. I’ve got a lot of debt, no good job prospects, and I’ve given up trying. Some of my friends keep trying to help. Words of encouragement that by themselves don’t do jack fuck to change reality, A couple links to some stupid career builder websites and suggestions to keep checking Indeed, as if I haven’t done similar things or thought of that already. Yes, it could work eventually, maybe, but there’s more than that. I want a lover… Just, I’m tired of wondering how much longer I have to deal with this bullshit. So, I’m going to try to […]
today has been the longest of days. Yet the day isn’t even over yet. I feel very suicidal and alone. I do not see a point of me being here. I have been trying to do the best I can and no one gives a flying fuck. I am done done done. My suicide date is on Monday. I am going to attempt. Fuck you all for crushing and stomping on my heart when I needed you the most. I am sorry that I can’t be better. whats wrong with me and why can’t I be better! I am giving up on myself and what […]
Someone right now is leaving their apartment
Looking down at the street, wondering where there car went
Someone in the car sitting at a signal
In front of a restaraunt, staring through the window
at someone right now with their finger in their teeth
Who could use a little floss right across the street
there’s somebody on the curb who really needs a jacket
spent half the rent at a bar getting plastered
Now he gotta walk fourteen blocks
to work at a shop where he’s about to get fired.
Someone right now is looking pretty tired
Staring at a laptop trying to get inspired
Somebody living right across the street
She wrote the best things she’s written […]
i keep struggling to find myself.. as if who I was completely dissolved into air and what’s left behind is a hunk of junk. today, I’m late for school again. I don’t even want to be here. all these teachers trying to educate us on nonsense that were never going to use in life. I dread school because of how stupid the administration is. I can’t wait for my junior year to be over and see how my senior year goes… if I make it…
-the helium or ******** tank
-the pressure gauge
-the tape
-the plastic bag
-plastic tubing?
what else would I need? i am only asking for informational purposes. and am not currently trying to use it.
and how much psi has to be released from the tank for this to work.
Sometimes you have to stop listening to hear.
Today I found myself playing 8 distinct songs at once. Listening to a particular song in the sea of noise is actually quite easy. But when I tried to hear all at once, I couldn’t. As I tried to listen to each song individually, yet together, the more focused I became. And the more I failed. Soon songs, my hearing, became periodic and stuttered. Sure, I could hear a few songs together easily. But when I tried to pickup the fourth and fifth… Either I lost one of them or things became disjunct. I became bound by time […]
Been browsing for a few days now and finally feel like posting. This is the first time in my life I am seriously considering actually going through with suicide… I am not quite ready for talking openly on here but it would be nice to talk with someone who also uses the site to kinda “show me the ropes, (nooses?). anyways.. I am on omegle right now and if you want to come find me, put ‘suicideproject.org’ as an interest/keyword and lets see if you can see me!
p.s. I hope this is ok to do and if not just let me know. Not trying to […]
If you are on this site you obviously feel suicidal. But I have something to say. Reading the comments something had come to my mind. Most of you post something saying your bad people and worthless etc but by reading the comments it came to my mind that your all good people. None of you deserve to die because your helping others. I read some of the comments on my posts and honestly it made me feel better and like there are people out there who care about others even though we don’t know eachother. This world is full of scum but people like you […]
Yes, I have been addicted. Funny how the people who talk about addictions here don’t get many responses, but hey we bring it on ourselves right? Fuck the world and the judgements passed on addicts.
When I consider the prospect of overdose it makes me laugh. Essentially it’s the same thing as hanging yourself or shooting yourself (the end result being death), but because of the stigma around it, no one really wants to hear about the person who died of an overdose. No one really cares, but I don’t know why I even care to think about it. I mean, I do want to kill […]