With a younger close friend. In some pain and alone. Trying to pry myself off the couch – I ve been here before. She’s with someone else I didn’t even know how much she counted until she told me about her new friend. I’m being obsessive and I don’t want to let her go but I don’t want to creep her out either ( maybe too late). I’ve thought of giving up – I’m like scary needy. I know I’m putting way too much on her for my well being but you who have been in this hell know how effective logic is. It’s been […]
Tag:
trying
http://youtu.be/ynEaeoJJOyM
I don’t see a point of me being here. What is the point of trying when no one loves you ( I am not saying that I need to rely on someone to be here I am saying that it would be nice to be heard) I honeslty don’t care anymore. It really is all a matter of time before I am gone. No one sees me hurting. I am usually very vocal and speak my mind, I guess it’s not enough. Everyone is blind and doesn’t need to care. They only care about themselves. I don’t want to be the center of attention I […]
Its midnight. I’m sitting in the corner, wrapped in a blanket, trying not to cry my eyes out over nothing. Just because everyone else I know is happy, healthy, and in love is not a reason to cut. Just because I’m the only one who is fucked up isn’t a reason either. I love my family, I sometimes love my friends, but right now I don’t love me. And right now, I don’t think I’ll ever love myself. I’m worthless. Everyone else can figure their lives out, and I can’t. I will be forever in this frozen hell of self loathing
Don’t you just love those nights people trying to pull you down making you feel stupid for saying it in the first place. When you already got fucking enough on ur mind as it is. I am about to lose it……
I have often read many a tragic tail when it comes to this sort of thing. Mine isn’t worth telling. I’m sure there are many others who could of made due with this life of mine. I however, could not. This is merely the result of a life time of inaction. I have always known that I would wind up killing myself, ever since I was 7, I wanted to die. Truth be told, I was really hoping I would of died by now, some sort of traffic incident, illness or even murder. I have been unfortunate to have lived so long.
I’ll be turning 23 on March the […]
so I decided that I’m going to try to turn over a new leaf and make myself see the positive in my life. I came extremely close the other day to trying to make an end I realized I didn’t want, that I shouldn’t want. I was wondering if any of you had any suggestions on ways to take little steps to help me see the happy and positive things in my life?
Box of terror and fear and double-standards and self-loathing and discrimination and thumping and rejection
According to a certain book of love, you can own slaves, capture hot women and make them your wives (a.k.a rape them and call it marriage), force your wife to swallow dust to ensure fidelity (if she fails, you can kill her), tear open pregnant women’s stomachs if they don’t agree with you, burn to death a sinful man’s property (a.k.a his children)… there’s a few others.
I’m not discriminating against Christianity – there’s nothing wrong with it, nowadays. Many Christians today are pretty kind. But look at that friggin’ source content. […]
Almost 12 in the morning. I haven’t get out of bed. Downstairs, my dogs are barking at something. They’re nervous, they haven’t gone for a walk for some days now. I feel terribly guilty for it. I guess that just not guilty enough to find the courage to face the world.
At some point, I’ll need to leave the bed, even if it’s just to feed them and go to the bathroom. It feels like an enormous job to do.
No Internet, not phone at home. The bill hasn’t been paid. Some weeks ago, it would have dragged me to anxiety. Today, it’s almost a relief not […]
I am a pessimist, I’ve always been that way ever since I can remember. I am that way because of my personal life experiences and some times its hard to look beyond that. How can I have hope that things will be better for me if in my life I’m only destined to reach a certain level of happiness. Maybe this doesn’t make any real sense but its what i’ve been thinking lately and how I kind of feel. I’m sad a lot, sadness that I haven’t felt for a long while. And it’s not over anything in particular really, I just feel sad and […]
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
Does anyone else just get really frustrated with people who think they are helping you? The ones that constantly compliment you? Because they have this naive delusion that if they just keep saying it over and over again, somehow it will change how you think about yourself? The compliments are just awkward aren’t they? When what you believe is the exact opposite of what they are saying? You know they are trying to be nice, and they are trying to help. but it just makes you feel uncomfortable and its annoying and you wish they would stop and you hate hearing it because it feels […]
Question: If no one is here to save me from the demons, and supposedly I can’t rely on others am I all alone?
I have fought the monster in my head called depression for so long. I am sorry that people have tried to save me and that it wasn’t enough. I am trying to restrain myself from the pills that sit next to me on the table. All of those medications that tried to make me better, THEY DID NOT WORK. The depression has worsened, I fake a smile and try to be anyone but the fucked up, messed up, person I am. I seem […]
I wanted to keep trying and i wanted to live, but i literally can’t anymore. Im just a hollow shell of whoever i used to be. I thought that maybe i could be somebody, but i should have known better. Im nothing but a failure. I just want to be able to finally reach happiness i guess.
I don’t know how long I can even go on now. Everything anyone says just hurts to hear and I just want to be able to be strong, but I’m pretty sure thats just an unrealistic dream.
Everyone around me expects so much and they just say ‘Be happy!’ and […]
I have yet to say that I have found a plan and that it will work. I am sorry that I have said goodbye to many times and then not actually do anything about it, I am such a “wuss”. I feel like I can’t ever follow through with things and that I can’t seem to get it together these days..
NO I am not selfish for wanting to die
NO I am not trying to get attention or trying to get people to feel sorry for me because I am “sick”
I am always going to be broken, I can’t seem to get fixed
No one is going […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SGDHfcZVOg
Here, it’s his little brother and sister but it could be your mom, your dad, your friend, your husband or your wife. I know how hard life can be and how desesperate a person can be but what you’ve heard on this video is the reason why I’m still staying in this shitty world. A suicide is the most personal of all things and you don’t need to involve other peoples, peoples you love. I’m not trying to stop you but just remember that even if you’re dead, the world still spining and on it, you will be nothing but a dead body and I don’t think […]
Some day I will be able to:
Be free
Live on my own
Be who I want to be
Live far away from my mom
Be happy?
Let’s be real, I will never be happy. I can never be free because I am trapped to my mentally ill mother. I am all alone. My stomach is in knots and I can’t seem to stop the anxiety and the emotions that come with the thought of killing myself. I will never be able to “stomach” the situation that for the last 16 years I have been put through. My life is never going to change. I am trying to do the best […]
its not an easy life i live its far from it, the fact that i hear voices telling me i’m going to die and they are going to come after me till i die is extremely petrifying and that is just the tip of the ice berg i live in constant fear that someone is trying to kill , that someone is in the house trying to get me, i always hear foot steps as if they are right behind me, im scared to sleep of even shutting my eyes for that matter i don’t sleep for 3-4 days at a time till i pass […]
I know I cut,
i know I’m crying,
i hear you saying I have to keep trying,
i know what they called me,
you don’t have to save me.
i know your parents hate me,
I know no one would ever date me,
I know you think I’m exaggerating,
but you don’t understand the pain I’m feeling,
I wish I could just be dying,
I’m tired of just surviving .
Well I just got dumped this past saturday after 2 1/2 years of being together. I guess I should have realized the signs when he stopped answering my messages of fb for two weeks…. The worse part he didn’t even give me an actual reason on why…. Just a bunch of shitty excuses and fake lies like oh It would be better if we were best friends…. NO ALL YOU DID WAS FRICKEN STABBED ME IN THE FUCKIN BACK AND LEFT THE KNIFE IN IT!
I’ve been pretty much in a pretty bad funk/depression all week going by so slow feeling like I’m in a time […]
Money. It’s truly evil. Or in some part evil. I’m sitting here thinking to myself that if I had money, just maybe I wouldn’t feel like my only escape is death. I’m trying not to give up but, shit, winter is just dragging my ass down. I can’t escape from this hell I’m lock away in because going outside entitles freezing my ass off… With no car, it’s extremely hard to get anywhere… You would never guess that a vehicle is almost the most important thing, next to a place to live. I’m pretty much poor… Boyfriend can’t get anywhere to work so his mom […]