ever have a day at work thinking that swallowing a bottle of pills would be a good afternoon snack? i don’t know what is going on with me . i want to be alone but yet being home alone is making me nervous these days. the thoughts are racing. and trying to get me to talk is like pulling teeth. i keep thinking i see something in my peripheral vision. add that to some new stressors in my life and its time to play will i or won’t i again. hey maybe i am just coming unglued. time to go back to my cell.
It feels like the only way to get people to care is if your dead or in critical condition man I swear if I had a gun id blow myself away.i just got out out of the er for trying to kill myself twice in one day. They let me in the morning and by night time I was back and they let me go again.the reason im upset though is cause the psychiatrist said my problems are not considered a crisis. I dont usually speak up for myself but I wish I had told him to go fuck himself.i have put off suicide attempts […]
I don’t know what i’m doing, i’m trying to find reasons not to die but its becoming exceedingly difficult each day. I don’t feel i’m worth anything to anyone, i know i’m not. I don’t make attachments or really feel anything towards anyone, but there is always this one person it all goes into. Every time i love i’m brought to a grinding halt, reminded why i shouldn’t go there.
I really wish i knew what the point to all this is, everything is just pointless bullshit. What’s the point of living when you’re brain dead? when nothing makes you happy, sad or excited?
I’m trying to […]
I am very sad and I am very scared but I am trying. I don’t know if this site is helpful to me because everyone here is so sad. Which makes sense. But I’m sad too, and no one understands. I’m living with my boyfriend, and every time I tell him about my thoughts and feelings that scare me he gets upset and quiet. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but I need to. I feel like a time bomb. I feel like one day something will happen that I just can’t handle and that’ll be it. I try to think of my little […]
Since Afternoon, been reading every single story which has been posted here in the last 5 days, resisted the urge to reply everytime. What moral authority did I have anyway, since I was too one of those who’d go to any limits to get rid of the pain. But we choose that only when we are alone, not when someone tells us that they do care. Which is what made me feel better, irrespective of them being total strangers, who haven’t invested shit in you, they still hear you out, offer advice to cope up with whatever you’re suffering from, keeping aside their own painful […]
Tired of trying. Tired of crying. Just a lost soul who is waiting for the end. The hurt that is going on inside, no one tries to understand. They all say, “Just get over it and move on.” but how can you get over feeling dead inside?
Despite my best efforts, i think ive become my father. when i look at my son, i get torn up inside because he will feel the same way about me that i do my father. i love him, but he is homeless, and will likely stay that way. he has mental illness, though he will never admit it. I have mental illness and health issues. im black, and i kinda wish i wasnt. i cant bare to see my family witness me become homeless too. im trying not be, to find and hold down a job, just like my father is trying to get a […]
My last attempt at “100 days of happiness” is laughable. I got to day two before saying ‘fuck it’, so now I’m back to good old fashioned venting posts.. hence the numbering “four”. I guess I’m not cut out for that gimmicky bullshit. But I get a pat on the back for trying.
So today, it finally dawned on me that I need to lay off the carbs and sugar. I seriously feel like complete shit. Aside from the expected bloating, lack of physical energy, gain of ~6 pounds in the past month, constant breakouts… I’ve been feeling mentally slow, sluggish, lackluster. I woke up at […]
I’m not sure where to begin, other than to say my life has completely spiraled out of control. And I am beginning to feel too weak to bear this on my own. I have a child and I am trying to keep it together for her, but when u have feelings of despair it is so so hard. Right now I am in therapy and will be seeing my doctor soon to possibly prescribe me for anti depressants. I am taking steps in all the right directions to try and get better. I just don’t know if this is even working. My daughters father, whom […]
It’s Sunday night, and as usual I’m stuck inside. No one trusts me to go out anymore and I always feel as though I’m on lock down. I’m bored. I don’t really want to play video games or watch movies, I have been doing nothing but that for the past month. Hoping some of you out there want to lighten up the mood, weekends are hard for me and apparently that’s not so uncommon. Especially since I know there are things I could be doing but can’t because it’s so hard to travel where I am without a car. I should have asked to get […]
I’m sick and tired of waiting to hear back from my boyfriend. I heard my sister on the phone talking about me and I’m just so fucking done with all of it. I’m sick of people. I didn’t even want to be here to begin with. She starts complaining about how I keep her up at night because I want to finish the last 15 minutes of a tv show (even though I’ll turn off the lights and try and move the screen) and tries to embarrass me publicly about how I watch MLP. Whatever suck it. Seriously. I don’t give a fuck that I […]
So I guess I’m wondering if there is any difference in being dead in LA or NY. Not that I’m partial to either, but if I just go ahead and off myself in LA I would save a couple hundred for the plane ticket to New York. I guess I feel more comfortable in nyc, I know the area well and it would be nice to be there, something about the city I guess. It was the first place I really felt free. That would take a little bit more planning and less money to reimburse other people. Either way a hotel is pretty easy […]
It all started with a party/camping trip. I got invited just because I was best friends with one of the “popular” girls. When I got there it was great, I mean there was alcohol and drugs there and I got pressured into drinking and smoking but it was okay for a while. Soon after awhile I was finding myself talking to a boy who I wasn’t really interested in knowing one of the girls (I’ll call her Kayla) there was trying to get with him. With everyone drunk, high, and my flirty personality it looked like I was trying to hook up with him. (Which […]
Yet another day that I woke up alone. No missed texts or calls from anyone. No one to talk to except my personal demons telling me your not worthy of experiencing this day. Just the same mundane routine that plagues me every day. Wake up exhausted because I cant sleep well anymore. Its 6 am. I hit snooze hoping an extra 5 minutes will make me feel a little better yet I never seem to be able to take that extra 5 minutes. Its like a tease.
Stand in the shower looking at the cuts on my arm and crying wishing I could smell her cooking breakfast again and […]
Life is so tough and BDD makes everything worse…
The last time I went to the psychiatrist I was diagnosed with depression and the Dr. recommended antidepressants, I refused to accept the “treatment”, I know those stupid pills ain’t gonna solve my problem, probably plastic surgery and aesthetic treatments will do.I’m really sure I got BDD, I have all the symptoms, I even explained my situation on experice project and some users who also have BDD agreed with me.
I just wanna sleep forever…BDD it’s a living hell, the tiniest skin blemish can drive you mad, I to make things even worse I got acne blemishes and they […]
I’m not trying to use reverse psychology or guilt anyone here. I seriously am saying, “Don’t mind me…” I just want to complain for a couple sentences to make myself feel better. If you don’t wanna read the complaints of a tired, sick, and crabby person, keep moving. Don’t mind me.
I become very very needy when I am sick. I’ve begun to notice that as I sit here constantly complaining about being frozen and then instantly throwing blankets off because I’m too hot. I “LOVE” being sick…<—That was sarcasm. I think i’ve settled on the notion that i’ve got the flu. Yippie! End sarcasm. Every […]
suicide should be an option if you have absolutely no answers or other viable options for your situation. I don’t care about “justifying” it to people, that guilt trip only lasts so long. How do they justify trying to keep someone alive that doesn’t want to be nor feel they have a reason to be? they says the suicide people are selfish well I agree it is very selfish that they want someone to be miserable every freaking day just so they don’t have […]
So, my mother posted an image on my facebook wall that went along the lines of, “We need to teach our daughters the difference between a man that controls you, and a man that looks out for her best interests, etc. etc.” It went on for several lines of teaching daughters the difference between this and that. Aside from the multitude of social issues the image presents, my response to the image was, “How about I just focus on my career and not put my self-worth into another human being. How about I measure my life and worth in accomplishments? Problem solved.”
She retorted with how […]
Nothing I ever do it good enough for anyone. I’ve been trying so hard for work and so hard in all my relationships and everyone looks at me as a problem. I wish these thoughts in my head would stop I wish I could look past how much everyone is fed up with me. I can’t all I can think is how much easier on everyone it would be if I just wasn’t around.
I feel lost and scared. I am stuck in a rut with work and school. I am not the person I thought I would be at this point in my life.. Just don’t feel like I can turn to anyone. I have had bad thoughts running through my head too often and they keep coming. The people I could talk to have vanished I don’t know how to continue on faking like I’m okay. I don’t know how to life live knowing I’m not who I want to be and trying to change doesn’t satisfy anyone they want immediate change and I can’t provide that