Everyones still playing me like im fucking stupid and i dont know anything about it. My mom thinks having a job is going to keep me from being depressed. No, sorry its not that simple. Im starting to hate these people more then i did before. I cant wait untill im gone. Everyone gets a free day to talk shit about me, and they act like i dont know where there going. I dont understand why do the people who are the closest to you, and who are supposed to love you have to be the same people who make you feel the worst about […]
Tag:
us
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I feel like I got confirmation today that I just don’t belong. I knew there was something wrong with me. Some hideous abnormality lurking beneath the surface. I wanted to wring the entire world in my hands – twist the planet round and round until all the pain and injustice leaked from it. I wanted to cleanse my soul of the mental torture I had allowed myself to both mete out and endure. I am my own prisoner – a hostage of a world I created to escape the hand I’ve been dealt.
I have grown up watching the world go by – observing others find […]
Why are we alive? Why were we put here on Earth to live? People say the meaning of life is to be happy, but few people ever experience long-term happiness. So what’s the point? If some of us are depressed, then we don’t have a reason to live and be happy. There is no point in living an empty life void of happiness. That’s why some become suicidal, right? There’s nothing left to live for.
I know I’ve posted something similar but I am in a mental state of sureality, a feeling of having woke up from having been in a dream. I acknowledge that I grew up in isolation and in a cult-like environment. I know I’ve posted it before that we were cut off from the outside world, alienated from friends, family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), neighbours, and so on. Aunts and uncles, though many of them were just 15 km away, stayed away. Despite this distance we didn’t visit either. I went to school but was excluded. At home I played alone. My father was always […]
So tonight I was bored and everyone on a forums I hang out on was logged of so I went down to our living room and sat with my parents; that was the mistake.
The result was my Dad being sexist and complaining and dissing people constantly, both parent complaining and looking down on me and my brother. They both started lecturing us and they never say anything good about anyone. My head ended up getting messed up and I started to panic so I left, trying to act casual. I felt so stuffed after that I ended up cutting myself and even more than usual, […]
To an Unborn Pauper Child
Thomas Hardy (1840-1928)
Breathe not, hid Heart: cease silently,
And though thy birth-hour beckons thee,
Sleep the long sleep:
The Doomsters heap
Travails and teens around us here,
And Time-wraiths turn our songsingings to fear.
Hark, how the peoples surge and sigh,
And laughters fail, and greetings die:
Hopes dwindle; yea,
Faiths waste away,
Affections and enthusiasms numb:
Thou canst not mend these things if thou dost come.
Had I the ear of wombèd souls
Ere their terrestrial chart unrolls,
And thou wert […]
I posted on here a while ago asking for help with therapy. I wanted to ask why do people feel the way they do when you tell the truth about how you feel. Yes everything that everyone is going threw is sad, but if you really want help with it you have to be honest and tell the truth right. But then when you tell the truth you get nothing but negative reactions or people just blow you off. I compleatly understend now why everyone never really tells people there true feelings. Well not to people like there families. One of the worst part about […]
The worst type of crying wasn’t the kind everyone could see–the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. For people like us(“us” here includes me and all my lovely supporting friends at the suicideproject website) our souls contained more scar tissue than life.
On Wednesday it was Challenge Day.
I had turned in a permission slip so I was called down to the gym.
When I walked in I was terrified. I only knew one person in there and she had her own friends so it was like I was alone. Everyone sat in this big circle in the middle of the gym. I thought we would have to talk in front of everyone. I cringed every time they said we would play a game.
As time passed, (I was still scared but not as much) we were told to get in our assigned groups. In the beginning of that activity, […]
Eyes that one could get lost in for hours, they bring warmth to any that look in them, regardless of the glasses she wears. The hazel color comforts you as you drink in her beauty, letting you be somebody that you thought was long gone. Her long, dark hair is manipulated so that it doesn’t interrupt the vision before us, but it is beautiful in its own right. Long and dark, it cascades down her back and moves gracefully with each slight movement of her body. She is tall, which one grows to appreciate, for it gives the eye more to drink in. The eye […]
I have found that a way to help you figure out things is to analyze your dreams. I know some of them are seemingly meaningless, but it seems to help me. Also sharing them with others help as well. Here are a few of my own:
*warning, this first one is a bit gross*
I mashed a bump and instead of puss coming out, I pulled a neuron out of my skin.
My local college was located in a swamp. A former friend and I wore old time dresses (Gothic era) with petticoats. I found a book of nautical poetry and began to read it. The buildings were […]
Why the hell are people so fucking stupid. I apologize for my foul language. Seriously. Some people do not care about rules. Rules are there for a reason, and there are many unwritten rules. There’s a college group that I’m in on Facebook. This one chick (who I do NOT like) decided to add someone to the group. That person may or may not even be going to that school. I don’t know why this angers me so bad. Normally I would brush it off but the group is specifically for people going to that college and graduating with us. You are invited to join when […]
This morning I woke up crying and in physical pain from grief. There’s too much in my mind to write about it all, can’t even form a coherent organization to it all.
But the sick thing is, I woke up wondering if I should take the pills now or go to a thrift store that has 50% sale on saturday. So, basically, I want to buy clothing and then attempt to hurt or kill myself (unlikely, sadly, although maybe if I added vicodin to the mix- klonopin and vicodin are contraindicated) .
I spoke to my ex yesterday. It was good in ways, to know that she misses […]
I tried to sleep. But I couldn’t.
My thoughts are continuously racing in my mind. I can’t even sleep properly. I was extremely sad even in my sleep, even in my dreams.
So I wake up. And a thought came in my mind and I decided to share it. It was peaceful.
I know I can’t stop my suffering. I know this. I know there is no cure for me. But this is true that nothing is everlasting. Nothing.
Millions years ago dinasouras were here and now there are not. Billion years ago even earth wasn’t exist.
So here is the thing I want to tell you. I don’t know when, […]
It’s a cold autumn morning, early in May, and we were making our way into a rural township some five klicks from the nearest checkpoint. Just the five of us trekking through a treeline and making haste for a derelict well. One of the guys fixed eyes on a silhouette sat beside a bucket; they were within speaking distance:
“Hello there. Can you hear me?”
The silhouette remained still. We surrounded them from both flanks as I moved forward and approached them. It was a girl no older than nine, wearing a mossy green overcoat and gumboots, with her hands bound together — an ANZAC poppy sat […]
Today at work it is a casual attire day, so I wore my To Be or Not To Be soliloquy sweater. We had a client come in and our receptionist is on holiday, so I am the backup, and I am to greet and take care of the few clients that come in on New Years Eve. They saw my sweater and proceeded to ask if I had it memorized.
Is that the point of it, though? To be simply memorized? To be able to vomit up the words upon request? Why not ask me what it means? Why doesn’t the real point of it matter? […]
https://www.youtube.com/-Ib36OXrEL8
Sorry about the religious music. I don’t believe in religion but i do believe in god. I dont assume to know anything about god but i dont think he wants us to kill each other for him or that hes really that concerned in how we believe in him or even that we directly believe in him given just as long as we are trying to be better people to each other. The song is the sample source for Jesus Walks but its soulful on its own i had to post it. But this post isnt about that its about you […]
So, um, how do I start this? I’m clinically depressed and have been suicidal for a while too. I guess I just want to have someone to talk to. My story doesn’t really matter. We’re all fucked up here and that’s the reason to why we’re here.
Anyways, if anyone wants to talk about, well anything, let me know. Whoever decides to contact me should know that I don’t want ‘help’.
I guess most of us here are alive but feel dead. Some of us are waiting for our physical bodies to catch up with out mental state whilst others are trying to fix themselves. We’re all broken. Some just […]