Sorry for bothering whoever a out there but idk. Just wanna share my story I guess. I’m clinically diagnosed with very very bad depression and anxiety, ptsd, OCD, adhd, and dyslexia… I have 4 attempts. All failed of course. I mean I’m still here obviously. But like.. I’m gay. At school I get called so many names… My gf (ex now) spreads rumors that I tried to sleep with her and that I’ve slept with many girls and guys (I’m a virgin). And my life is basically a living nightmare… And I’m not sure I can go on anymore.
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wanna
today, was bound to be a horrible day. i woke up feeling like a failure. thinking about my future. I know I’m young but please don’t bash me about how I’m feeling. I was thinking about me graduating, and how everything’s gonna change. everyone’s going there separate ways, and everybody will be happy, then I think of me, how everything’s gonna just get worse for me.it always seems to be so great for everyone else, but when it comes to me it’s a whole different story. I feel like the universe is out to get me sometimes. And it’s just so overwhelming. I’ll be […]
I wanna kill myself tonight , i wanna slip away from sadness. Be forever done with feeling like the room is getting small the air getting thicker and theres more room on the floor i can breath better. But i cant freak out in front of them. So i hold it in. Im dead inside i dont want to feel anymore.
This is my first actual post on this site so i don’t wanna make it super long. I don’t even know where to start to be honest. Okay, day after day i realize how much i’m not. i barely even go outside anymore sorry i mean i never go outside anymore only when i need too i guess because i feel like there’s no reason for me to even be out there only when i feel like walking my dogs, i usually go out btw i’m 18 i know i shoudn’t feel like this.
I have really bad social anxiety and a bunch of other stuff. […]
It’s a new week and nothing has changed. Living 20 years or 80 years doesn’t matter, we’ll all die. I love ancient greek and rome. They are highest point humanity has reached. But we live in honorless age. This age full of miserable people who live for miserable things. We are a little dot in Universe but they put meaning to life when there is no meaning at all. I don’t wanna live for nothing.
Soon as i finish my last book, i will lay on train tracks. It is one of the least painful way. I hope my existence will end and i don’t ever […]
I just need someone I can talk to, skype me at keizy.paul1 … If you wanna vent or talk about other nerd stuff and life in general 🙂
I always have to ask myself are you crazy ? Whats wrong with you ? i wish i was able to answer myself but im so ashamed . sometimes i dont even wanna loook at myself in the mirror & my family is worried because im isolating myself but its just something thats pushing me away . They tell me to talk and express myself but when i do they correct me & tell me thats not how i feel ! i mean wouldnt you be tired of life , especially after you lost everything & basically your soul to !
None of us signed a contract to be born. It was the choice of our parents. In my case, my immature 19 and 21 year old parents choose to have sex without a condom, than decided not to get an abortion when biomom got pregnant. Me, the person effected the most by my parents irresponsible choices, has no choice to opt out of life. At least not the way I want to.
Why does our CULTure and the medical establishment consider it a mental illness to not want to live anymore? they think it’s absolutely nuts not to wanna live in a world were your enslaved […]
I don’t wanna get up and go through the motions of my day, I just wanna sit here and cry. I don’t really have a reason to cry, which makes it even worse….I just cry because I’m me. I cant tell any of my friends about how I think about dying all the time, which makes me feel even more alone and hopeless. I don’t really want to get better, I kinda like to feel this way, I like being sick and don’t want help. I just want someone to cry with me.
Hey there. I saw your eyes yesterday. You’re disappointed. Sorry. I might be… out. I’m actually out. I’m always off. I’m always out. I push back my chair. I hide my hands in my pockets. I lay my head up against the wall. I deaf myself out and off with music. I don’t wanna listen anymore. I just don’t wanna be here. I keep complaining all the time. Always blaming someone, something. Always wondering, about me, about the others, about everything. I live in a world that isn’t. I have to make up my own to smile. See the smile on my lips when I […]
I’m coming to the end of 18 days off. I don’t want to go back. I hate it so much. It’s a constant reminder of how isolated I am. I feel so anxious while I’m there. I can barely function, and people treat me like I’m stupid as a result. And it doesn’t even pay enough to build any kind of life.
But I can’t think of a real alternative. I just want it to stop. I can’t bear the thought of another year wasted there, miserable.
I really appreciate the comments you made on my last couple posts. You’re the type of friend that I wish I could hang out with on a regular basis. It used to bother me that my group of friends only took time out of their schedules to hang out once every couple months, but now I don’t care at all. They’re all drinkers but none of them smoke, and I don’t drink but will smoke my weight in cheeba, so being with them tends to get boring after awhile anyway.
I find that people who don’t light up are trapped in their own way of thinking, […]
I ran out of a burger shop last night. I was all set to gorge on some grade “A” Canadian ANGUS beef, but then I saw that the cashier I (kinda) like was working that day. She smiled and waved at me, even though I was all the way at the back of the line, and so I freaked and got out of there. I’d love to take her out, but I’ll never have the courage for anything more than nervous small talk, with her or with anyone; I’ve only ever dated girls I met online. Not like it matters anyway since I’m such a […]
Alright well I can say I’m ok but I’d be lying. Then again it might be better to lie and smile and act as if I am ok and nothing is wrong… this is what I tell myself when ever anyone asks are you ok…or how are you… I guess its time I be honest. Well its been happening since age 6. My mom ain’t in the room, or my at school teaching, at the store whichever. So me and my dad and brother are home. We seem to get in arguements alot my brother overreacts easily as well as my dad next thing i […]
My heart is an autoclavethey say alcaholics, are always alcoholics, even if they’ve been as dry as my lips, for years we have incongruent morals, we suffer at the hand of hope, we try so hard, and now trying has become synonymous with failing I feel like I mite never know the other side of madness ever again…I feel like I;m ed Norton from fight club n I just keep missing myself I am my own eternal hair shirt I am raidohead’s exit music and we don’t wanna die, but we don’t wanna keep fighting, we are tired, we embrace our unconditional humanity and we reach, we […]
So I experienced a massive cardiac episode two years ago last May. My arteries in my chest literally tore themselves apart. I was on the table for ten hours, I was cliniy dead for half an hour during that time, no brain activity, no machine, 42deg and dead.
It was nice, I have had major depression for more than ten years. I have horrible paranoia of my wife who is 2000 miles away and I can’t control these horrible emotional outbursts anymore. I am a horrible person sometimes and I can only sit in the back of my head and watch the pain it causes.
I am […]
hi….I just wanna tell u some thing
is there any one understand the meaning of life in this world….but still I am not……I think it’s meaning less……
my family, my friend… hates me a lot….
before some days I tryed many times to kill my self b/c am not brave to do this
but Now the time is coming………
Hey guys,
I am in a rut right now.
I am neither happy nor sad.
Not motivated.
But at the same time i wanna do something.
Like, what the fuck?
I don’t care at all but care a lil too much.
I want to hate a girl i love to forget her.
Like everything i do contradicts something else.
im tried talking to my aunt once again about helping me with supplies I need for euthanasia. I gave her all my logical reasons, told her that I’d feel so much relief just by having it here, even if I wasn’t gonna use it right away. I told her that it’s not fair to force me to live without a peaceful means out and that if I continu living, I’m probably gonna die a painful death anyway. She said “I’ll make you a deal, if you ever become terminally ill I’ll help you”. But I’m NOT terminally ill! I want this instrument of euthanasia. Even […]
Its like nobosy care how i feel i tell them how i feel then they say the kind rhing to me because its watyhu suppose to say life is really stressin me to the point i wanna give up i try commiting suicide couple time but something always stops me from going with the process for instance today i try to put a bag ova my head so i couldnt breath but i couldnt do it i dont know what do do any more