i think it’s beautiful. It’s a deeper genre of black metal that seems to fit right in with how I’m feeling. If you wanna take a listen I’ll give you an example of my favorite – http://youtu.be/6YedXRq3Pbo / http://youtu.be/FWWCiZ0lLOo / http://youtu.be/xRYyCBoKslE
Hey guys.
I have been in this sad mood since like forever. Sure, I’d laugh and smile, but when its me, and i am alone, my thoughts take over.
I am convinced that i am useless and basically nothing more than a burden and cause of irritation and frustration to the people around me.
So, i thought a lot, a lot about suicide, i even started to cut myself, i have stopped now though.
But i guess, i still wanna die.
Anyone know how to get over that fear of dying?? Like, i am afraid of the pain it takes and because i dont know what happens after i die.
Help, […]
Mom:
You ruined my life! Every single day a part of me hated you so much no matter how loud of a laugh you caused to escape my mouth. Your religion opened my eyes to open mindedness because I would never wanna be such a close minded hating Christian like you. I hate myself most of the time because that fact that I’m gay I should be “ashamed.” I must be going to hell some day or at least that’s what you think right. I am going to hell because I was born admiring the same sex and decided to follow a path that is more accepting and […]
Everyone around this fucking ***** sitting here thinking they know what’s best for me and trying to tell me how to live MY ducking life!! I just wanna get the fuck up and move as far away as I can and never fucking look back!! Tired of all the bull shit!!! Fuck this!!
Found this quote and thought of it to be very true. I’m done. I’m sorry mom, dad, and brother but I need to do this. When I get the chance I’m hanging myself. I have no motivation to get a job, start a career, or just live in general. Nothing appeals to me in life. I’m a broken soul with no home here. I have parents that love me and I have a roof over my head and I should be grateful for that which I really really am but I don’t want it. I just don’t want to be here anymore. The depression hasn’t […]
This time of year always fucks me up, the goddamn school year is starting again. I don’t know, when I look back, the year don’t seem so bad but its the before and during that makes me wanna kill myself? If that makes any sense? Like the anticipation of knowing my anxiety levels will be off the roof again? Knowing that I will be aware of every move and word that comes from my mouth? Knowing that nothing really matters yet I fuckin care and make myself think that I need to impress and make sure people don’t get a hint that I actually want […]
I just dont see the point of why i should continue strugling to survive. It’s as if im surviving to endure more pain. I just dont want to hurt anymore… Cry myself to sleep… Beg for love and attention… Feel fear… I feel sooo empty. I just wanna go.
So.Next week I’ll have my final and the most advanced exam. So I know it’ll be little hard. I’m depressed and I can’t remember many things. But I know I will pass with just low grades. But, when can I do what I love to do? I hate this formal advanced education. I’m facing exam that I don’t want to be. I won’t be who I wanna be. I’m forced to do my family wanna see. See you later people. I just do best as I can. Hopeless what to do next..
Even though I just made this new account I wanna start out with some personal things because I can’t tell anyone face to face these issues.
Here I go, I have been questioning my gender for a couple of months now.
Since last July I have had a deep connection in a weird way with the LGBTQ+ community. I watched the Fourth of July parade and for some weird reason I cried. At that moment I realized I was bi.
Skip to January of this year and I start to see people at my school who are genderneautral or trans. I didn’t get it but then I realized […]
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me
I’m a hazard to myself
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
i have cut for along time but my boyfriend is starting to get on me about why? how come i wanna die? i know that i feel fat nasty gross annoying! i feel like im always in the way! life is kicking me in the butt!! i grew up at a young age and i had to always be strong but now i dont sleep at night!! i feel alone all the time! but i dont wanna talk to people about my issues because i feel that they are stupid and i shouldnt be freaking about them! i dont know how to feel! can i […]
Sometimes I wish I could die in a car wreck or something, so my family members won’t blame themselves. I’ve seen quotes that stand up to the fact that we give people signs that we are not ‘okay’. We give them so many signs they are just too oblivious to the truth to see it. I don’t have to cover up my cuts, I mean yeah I put a little powder on them, but that is practically nothing. It doesn’t make them disappear. That doesn’t take the pain and misery away. Doesn’t take away all the depression. I love my family to death but currently […]
anyone wanna talk or just have a casual conversation?
Today I woke up to a very shitty morning and a job I hate. I don’t hate the job per se but I just lost interest in the things that I used to hold dear. I posted a part of my story on here a few days back so I don’t wanna regurgitate any of my erst while ramblings. But for those reading a post by me for the first time, I mentioned how I’d dropped out, lost my job a couple years ago after being decimated by a bout of depression. I took to vagabondage and sloth after that dreadful scenario because I had […]
Why do u wanna kill yourself?
I go to a restaurant. They pee on my food and put buggers on it. I go to take a shower and pee is in my shampoo and conditioner. My dad calls to tell me to kill myself. Why do u wanna kill yourself?
My psychologist says I’m having an existential crisis and have been my whole life pretty much. It’s strange coz I just laughed when she told me, I am numb; it wasn’t funny. I don’t care about my family anymore, I don’t care how my suicide would affect them; I just wanna die.
“Cow” by Sparklehorse, I’ve been cutting to this song for three years so it’s quite sad and trigger-ey for me. I remember this one time I was cutting, I accidently stabbed myself and it went about 4cm in. I find it funny that I can mess myself so bad and no one ever […]
Nights like this I wonder why I’m here
I have so much to say to cry for and of course no one is near
I feel everything but fear when it wins.
I just wanna end everything at once
I don’t see a reason to why I’m still around. Not one fuckin reason.
Everyday it’s something new.
It’s not anyone’s fault, but I do wish you knew
I yell and scream the pain away
But when it’s inside I can’t bare but to stray
To stray to a place where no one can go
There, no one can make me smile or hurt me
No one can say […]
does it make sense that i hate myself because im too skinny? Most people hate being too fat i hate being too skinny. I want to be strong, i want to be big. Someone girls find attractive. Not someone they laugh at cause my body type is like a 5th grader. I want to be someone’s first option. Not “oh i invited 20 other people youre the 21st. wanna come” i want to be a friends first option, a girls, my fucking mother. I cant even be a first option to my mother. It makes you feel useless. I dont do anything. I sit home […]
Man can life be depressing or what? Sometimes I sit here and wonder how the fuck I managed to let myself live this long. I honestly don’t know why I continue moving forward when there is nothing better in store for my future. I feel like I’m on auto pilot or something because I just keep going. I don’t wanna say I’m numb because I do feel things. It’s just when I get disappointed or sad I instantly shake it off and I feel like it’s irrelevant. I haven’t gone out because I was trying to finish paying tuition which I haven’t been able to […]