If you lived near someone else on here, do you think you’d want to be friends with them in real life? Would you want to meet someone on here? Or do you like the practically total anonymity?
just curious.
If you lived near someone else on here, do you think you’d want to be friends with them in real life? Would you want to meet someone on here? Or do you like the practically total anonymity?
just curious.
I try so hard not to feel. To not face what i’m going through. To avoid the tears, the anxiety, and the feelings. I love helping other people and I would do anything to take their pain away; yet I can’t even figure out how to take away my own pain. I want to escape the pain and reality of the situation. Help me escape.. please.
i just want to scream as the loudest voice i can .
i want to get it all out and i cant i want to scream it out for gods sake
I wish I could be happy.
I wish I wasn’t a failure.
I wish my mom would stop telling me that I don’t make her proud.
I wish my dad didn’t walk out of my life before it even started.
I wish I was skinnier.
I wish I could stop cutting.
I wish I could die.
I wish I didn’t want to die.
I wish my existence wasn’t ignored by most people, even family.
I have a house, I just wish I had a home.
I wish things were different
But nothing will ever change
So I wish that when I kill myself, no one wishes that I didn’t.
Because if no one cared before death, then why […]
This is honestly just a post to get out my thoughts because they just keep clouding my head.
Anyways, I’ve been so emotionally drained the last few months. Like, there are some occasions where I’ll feel happy, sad, or angry, but if it’s not any of those, then I’m literally numb to it. And even when I do feel those, I don’t know how to react to them. I just don’t feel anything; it’s like my whole body is disconnected from my feelings. I just don’t seem to care anymore about anything. My grades are getting worse & I only have 2 weeks to fix them, […]
First of all I’m sorry I talked quietly. And it’s hard to hear. I had my heater on and it distorted the video which didn’t help. I’ll make it more clear to hear me with my next video.
I’m going to start video logs once a day at the most. Just want to let you know they’ll improve over time. I’m sorry my videos are not that great and I find myself all over the place when I speak. I struggle with a stutter and I don’t speak clearly. I have a speach impediment as well. I’m a very quiet person also. […]
so i mentioned in an earlier post today and i try not to post more than once a day. but i thought i was fine after i swerved off the road and spun the car and whatever but im not. im fine physically. but i had to go in a car for a half hour twice today and the first time i was just trying not to cry, and i thought it was because of all the terrible shit happening in my life recently and the fact that i was going to come back down on thursday and see the one person who i know […]
Its what I want to do. I feel like its what I have to do and what I need to do. But, is it what I should do?
I feel trapped.
I just want to let go.
Maybe it would be best if I didn’t.
I am trapped.
It’s me i haven’t killed myself yet still thinking of January or just before. My father may have something wrong with his kidneys and i don’t want to watch him die my god mother has something wrong with her heart and i know death is approaching fast so my death must approach i am only worried about leaving my mom without money especially if dad dies im a big part of what keeps money coming in.i don’t know how to change that in fact it breaks my heart.i know they’ll be looked after by god even after im gone i just worry about them.im not […]
Cause I’m struggling with that right now. I read your stories on SP, and I think of how much I wish I could take your pain and suffering from you. How you all seem like such nice souls, and how you don’t deserve to suffer like you do.
But someone like me… I can’t help if I don’t deserve to kill myself and suffer whatever might come after. I have so much, and although I live alone and only see my family once or twice I year, they help my financially and I don’t have to worry about that too much.
Despite that however… I wish I […]
All the memories just replay in my head over and over. The good ones make me think how can this possibly be happening when things were so good? And the bad ones make me wonder what I did wrong and think of a million other ways I could have done things differently. Just over and over and over.
The only time I get away is if my sleeping pills work or I’m asleep. I feel like if I had the access and knowledge I would become an addict to something because I can’t imagine living a life being haunted by memories. How am I supposed to […]
I’ve made too many mistakes. My life is like a painting that’s been painted over again and again, so much that the errors, the repulsive missteps can’t be hidden anymore. It’s just a big, hot mess. I never knew what Selective Service was until I was too old to register. I waited to start college too late in life. That’s how I found out. I was filing for aid and discovered a problem that I would eventually realize would keep me from ever attending college. I can never get federal aid. My credit has never been good enough to qualify for private loans. So, that’s […]
I’ve been a shut-in for months now, only going out to get food. Lately I haven’t even been going out to get food. Been ordering food so all I have to do is go down 4 flights of stairs. But even that’s hard to do now. A lot of days I go hungry because I don’t have real food in my apt and I don’t even want to face the world, even if it’s so little as having to walk out my apt and go down and meet my delivery guys.
I feel pathetic but the only thing I do is go online, go to suicide […]
New years about a month away.
Somehow i want this year to finish yet i dont want 2016 to start.
Cus nothings gonna change, people always say stupid fucking shit like, new years resolution and turn over a new leaf.
But the truth is we will all be the same.
The people better than me(almost everyone i know) will keep getting better and ill still be stuck in the same old shit.
And ofc, she still wont know i love her and will continue to ignore my existence.
My acedamics will keep on falling till they hit the ned rock.
And finally, i will keep […]
ive finally done it, found the one thing in this stupid world that makes my life worth living.. his name is Jimmy. Jimmy changes everything, all of my goals, all of my feelings, but i cant help but still be depressed. i have major chronic depression.. everything makes me want to kill myself except for him, this beautiful human being that is just as fucked up as i am. the thing is that, he doesnt truly understand how fucked up i am. he believes that he, along with a future we’ve planned together should be enough to make me entirely happy. i want to be […]
So many lose ends to tie. Is it stalling? Is it because I care about the ones left behind? Does it matter once you’re gone? Its so hard to do anything. To even leave the house. I think I do care, if I didnt, I’d just keep going. Waiting on a paycheck to buy my materials. Gotta write the letters, leave a clean house, and find the thing I need to do the job. It sucks. I think only here can someone understand what its like to want something so badly, and not want it at all either.
I have a friend today. And that’s all that matters to me in this moment. Im so scared. I just want an escape. I just want a friend to hold me. I just want someone to be there for me. I just want closure.
it hurts so much, i want to scream and no one can help me.
I leveled out some.. I do live with regret and memories. And I was really hard on myself.. I don’t know why it took so long. Maybe I just didn’t want to let go of the best thing that ever happened to me. I dont want to still… But, I thank you all!! On here for your help and support. I think of her less, I still feel sorry for myself. But everyone on here and out in the world was right. I’m thankful and sad.
Not sure if anyone has kept up with any of my posts. But back in October a very close relative I live with almost died, she stopped breathing. I had to perform CPR to try and keep her with me till paramedics arrived. She had a very slow and painful recovery and was released from the hospital a few weeks after. I made sure she took all necessary medications and constantly checked on her and made sure she was eating well. I took her out every sunday since then to have brunch at different places that she hasn’t been to. Because I figure some type […]
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