So I have always hated my birthday and it’s coming up next week. I see a lot of birthday posts on here and thought I’d add mine. For the first 15 years of my life I celebrated my birthday with the birthday of the man who was molesting me, we ate cake together, laughed, played and… other stuff. For the next 15 years I prayed for my own death and even attempted it with one serious attempt that left me with broken bones… BUT last year was good even though I struggled and this year even though I am struggling I think it will be […]
want
I have two kids. I had them young. I am in college. I live in a trailer. I don’t have contact with my parents. I have overdosed once in my life, years back. I was sent to the hospital and there was a series of events. I feel low, just as low as before. I feel like a bad mom for being so depressed. I feel overwhelmed, I hate my life, I hate being alive. I love my kids but I feel bad I don’t love them enough to want to stick around. I don’t want to live. I really don’t. I have almost no […]
i just want to go to sleep for a few years and have a nice dream about being a boy.
i just want to be a boy.
i want to wake up and be happy and organized and energetic and peaceful and have a triangular body and a square jaw.
i want to be thin, but i also want to be strong.
i want to be him, and him, and him, and him.
(i want to be her.)
i wish i was beautiful, i wish i was perfect. i wish was my skin was new and pure.
(they’re so lucky, those beautiful people. i hope they know that.)
(i hope they […]
I’m a loving husband and father. After taking an a antidepressant and subsequently stopping it a matter of weeks later I developed a rare physical condition for which prognosis is dubious and treatment is extremely painful. It has interfered with EVERY aspect of my life and is debilitating both physically and mentally.
I was negligently put on a benzodiazepine which I’m trying to taper off and is proving difficult, it’s destroyed my health. I have fought this for over a year via physical therapy and various different forms of medication. I look and feel awful, I have had to move in with my parents and can […]
I am an insult to depression. I am a living effrontery to depressed people.
I make a LOT of money doing a fairly easy job.
I live in a beautiful house that has been in commercials and magazines.
I bought a new car last week because I was bored with my bmw.
I am constantly surrounded by family and friends who tell me how great I am, and can’t tell you how many people I’ve had fall in love with me.
My best friend lets me dogsit his amazing black lab who is the embodiment of love whenever I want because he knows it helps me.
Despite all this, I am […]
im just gonna say ahead of time, pardon my language. i want to talk to him
kay. so. ugggggggh. it’s just, some days are worse than others, you know? some days, im thinking, “i hate him so much, he’s a lying piece of shit, idgaf about him anymore”. and right when i think im over him, the next fucking day here i am in tears, once again, thinking “where did i go wrong, why can’t i stop loving him, why does he hate me, why did he call me a slut, did he ever fucking care at all?”. and its SOOO stupid. im 14. im in love. even worse, im in love with a guy ONLINE. people keep telling me “you […]
What i have realized in the recent past, is simply that i am a needless person wasting the space in this shitty (for me) place, known as the earth. And I can prove my point to you.
Firstly i hate the society and humans who all of them selfish and hypocrites. They follow the same rules (trying being cool, have a nice appearance only to be liked be others and hiding their true character) because this is the only way to be accepted. I am not interested in to meet new people anymore and i hate speaking to them because i waste my time for […]
In short i have a crazy mother no one can get to her when shes angry…
my mother doesnt care about anything else other than numbers….
i want to talk to her but i never could….
she doesnt care….
so why should i?….
i dont know what to do i am literally in a life or death limbo right now…
i will admit i really want attention but not from everyone but maybe just one friend?
I am so disgusting. I hate the way I look. I will never be happy. I’ve never been happy. I just want to die. It’s not even about me escaping my pain. It’s more about saving other people from having to tolerate me being around. Friends abandon me, relationships fail. My family are oblivious. I mean nothing in this world, so why can’t I just die? I’ve tried so many many times to end it, and it never works. I don’t want help. I just want to go.
Things were going so well yet in the span of three days it has all gone to shit. Im worthless, a worthless piece of shit. Three fucked up days/nights in a row was all it took for things to come falling down. I don’t want to be here anymore.
I just left home. I wish I had the strength to finish myself. I cannot see the next minute. I’m paralyzed. I’m by myself. I want to be. I’ve lived everyday of my life for everyone around me. I have big responsibilities. I would be ashamed to say what I’ve left behind. I don’t know what to do. I’m in my car. I’ve never NOT been depressed and I’ve grown tired. Weary. But here’s the thing…the outside world would be shocked. I’m that person that motivates and inspires. I’m a light of positivity. The energy it has taken me to smile everyday and try to […]
I am going to attempt a suicide on the 30th of November, which is next month. I feel that everything’s too hard, that my feelings keep being played with by others, that most of my dreams end up failing no matter how hard I try. I want to get out of this state of despair but I can’t, it’s too hard. How am I supposed to get out of this state when life’s too harsh on me? And even if I do get out, life’s always going to get harder and harder, making the chance of me attempting to suicide again even greater. I want […]
I’d managed to stop relapsing several times, especially after my university counsellor informed my parents of my so called ‘suicidal thoughts’. But that horrible feeling of spiralling down into an endless black hole returned, and I just really don’t know who to go to anymore. I suppose I’ll continue dealing with these shitty feelings. I just really want to know if this is depression or bipolar disorder, or am I just having a bad day. I’ve been having these ‘episodes’ for close to 7 years now, and I’d always thought that everyone felt this way. Now that I realise that it’s not, I just want […]
I deserve to die, I was fortunate enough to live in a family with a good income and provide me for anything I pleased. But I did nothing but take advantage of them, lie to them and spend every single day playing video games and occasionally smoking weed while failing school. I am definitely one of the laziest, biggest piece of shits in the world. I am absolutely useless and provide nothing to this world whatsoever. Hopefully in these coming days, I will have the courage to end it, as not only do I don’t want to be alive, but I don’t deserve too either.
Today i had a lighter and thought about how it would feel on my skin. But i am to afraid of the unknown to try. I love the way a blade feels or even a pencil back and forth. I need help. My mind is so filled with hatred and resentment. I know that i am asking for help but if i am telling the truth i will not even accept it. I am no good. People come in and out of my life so quick. I just want someone who not gonna walk out of me because of something i say or do. I […]
Ok i know that all of y’all are probably tired of my lame ass story. I am too. I wish that everything just wasn’t so messed up. Today i felt like everything was alright and then i started thinking and i really it’s not. Yeah i know everybody has their problems but i want a break. I want to be able to be free. Trapped by my own mind. Shame. I am not look for a shoulder to cry on anymore. I will cry my tears but i won’t ask for help. I will do what i do best and hide behind a fake […]
No matter how hard I try to live on, I feel trapped. I don’t know what it is but I feel so trapped in life. I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t like it. I hate this. Nothing is okay and it never gets better. If it does ever get better, it just goes back to shit. I can’t do this anymore. I’m giving up for the last time.
I’m axious about life in general. Not in a bad way so much as, I never in a million years thought I would live this long! I grew up thinking I’d be dead by 20. I had a kid that I gave up in a private adoption at that point. Tomorrow is her 17th burthday. One more year and it’s legal to have contact, that is, if we find each other. I never thought I’d be alive when she turns 18. Which means I have to survive another year. I can’t believe I’m still alive on this day to see her 17th birthday arrive. She […]
I’m curious if you can help me decide something. Is it better to leave a note at all?
If I go through with it I don’t want to be saved, coddled. I don’t want another ounce of sympathy or “lets talk it over” every hopefull second of effort just makes it worse at this point. I’m not going to be satisfied with anything I could try to say. I know I can’t offer any explanation, and I certainly don’t want specific people to know it it could possibly their fault.
But people need closure don’t they? I want them to have that, when I’m gone I don’t […]
I remember years ago someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love. I tried. Did I?
Here you are. There, you are. I love your person. I just love it. Sorry. Wasn’t on purpose… Just, like that. You were nice, you often are. You’re beautiful, I love your smile. I want to see it, always, forever, on your face. You deserve it. You’re a good person. I want to know who you are. I do. Sorry. You’re just the kind of person I feel good with. I don’t need to have a defensive posture. I feel like I can be myself, I feel like you’re talking to people and not to their position on the social scale. I’m sorry for looking […]