I feel like it’s time. But I don’t want it to be. I made a promise to myself, you see. I promised to wait until I was 21 to find something to live for.
Even though I really want to wait, I’m just tired. Waiting is probably the best way to describe my life and I feel like I can’t take it. Also, my head hurts all the time, without apparent reason. I don’t want to feel pain anymore, but I don’t want others to suffer because of me.
I’ve always prefered to be hurt if that means that someone doesn’t. Maybe that didn’t make […]
want
The fear of the destiny
The ‘Rock Snake’
So rough tunneling through
I didn’t get my, driven
Thundering
To the way through
So rough, the ‘Rock Snake’
Hey maybe, thy neighbor can just be friends
Do you want to, become, my comrade
The fear of destiny
Holding our soul
Close to, our incarnation
But the gap
No longer from, the viable and cohesive harmony
And it hurts so, from the intertwine
The lover, but the hero
“There is no point treating a depressed person as though she were just feeling sad, saying, ‘There now, hang on, you’ll get over it.’ Sadness is more or less like a head cold- with patience, it passes. Depression is like cancer.”
? Barbara Kingsolver, The Bean Trees
“Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint-it’s a physical thing, like it’s physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don’t come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people’s words do; they come […]
I recently started working temporarily at this store where they set “goals” for each employee as to how many garment bags they sell and how many new customers they can get signed up for the store’s rewards program. It’s all a load of crap if you ask me.
These don’t even deserve to be called “goals” because 1. I could name about 1000 things that are more worthwhile, 2. you get no kind of reward if you actually reach this goal, and 3. it’s entirely up to the customer, not you.
The best you can do is ask if they want the bag, ask if they want to […]
I cant be who i am when who i am gets in the way of what i so desperately want. To be loved, to be accepted as I am without someone telling me what i cant change is wrong or disgusting… So I hate myself. More so than anyone ever hated me. I dont think im a bad person, but every time I try to show someone how i feel, im met with this look of disgust and contempt, given lectures of total bullshit, brushed off, pushed away… even betrayed by people i thought I could trust. They were my friends until i couldnt joke about […]
Someone day just stopped me and said “You seem like you want to go somewhere far away..For some reason and she was right :/
Life for me it just a reset. Nothing is What it seems happiness is a temporary lie so why indulge.?? Because you want it so bad.. But once you get a taste its taken away from you and your left more broken than before. You just find ways to cope with life until it kills you or you end the suffering and do it yourself
I just don’t want to live in this world anymore, I have no purpose so why still live it…
thanks for the support but im breaking down.. To people I love “Sorry I exist”
Bye, I guess…Good dreams
This was my best friend’s account. She took her own life back in June. I recovered it while going through search history. This will probably be the only post I make on her account, but I need to say something.
why? Just why? What makes a person want to commit suicide? I need answers. This has weighed on me since the funeral and I need closure.
A month ago, I decided it was time for me to get some help, so I did. It was really hard for me to do but I did it anyway. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and I’m trying to get back on the right track. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which I am taking medication for. Most days, I still feel like I just want to die but I’m trying to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes it works. I just want to be happy again. I know I won’t wake up and suddenly feel okay, which is why I’m still trying. I’m doing […]
The most astounding fact is the knowledge that the atoms that comprise life on Earth, the atoms that make up the human body are traceable to the crucibles that cooked light elements into heavy elements in their core under extreme temperatures and pressures. These stars, the high mass ones among them went unstable in their later years, they collapsed and then exploded, scattering their enriched guts across the galaxy, guts made of carbon, ********, oxygen and all the fundamental ingredients of life itself. These ingredients become part of gas clouds that condense, collapse, form the next generation of solar systems, stars with orbiting planets, and […]
anyone want to talk or need to? Im kinda bored really. so im up for it. studying alone on a Saturday is a hard thing to do. all my classmates graduated and im still stuck in my 4th year of uni. I need to get out of my house ASAP. tired of living here. need that independence! but its hard to reach.
Apparently, people care about me, apparently I should be happy, apparently, I have lots of friends now.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…
Since I finished school last year, only one of my ‘friends’ is thoughtful enough to talk to me just because… and no one else actually cares, I never get invited to anything, I’m always the last to know anything, that is, if I find out to begin with, even among people like me, I’m not particularly welcome, but when they need me for something, I’m a dick if I say no, and when I need them, they always bail or half-ass it, because I’m simply not worth it.
I’m just […]
I want to kill the fucking voices in my head, I feel suffocated
They love to torture me until I sleep.
I want to be alright, I really do but they yell at me horrible things.
“WHORE” “UGLY” “WORTHLESS” “YOU SHOULD DIE NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE” “INVISIBLE” “POINT LESS” “WASTE” “FRUSTATED” “TALENT LESS” “KEEP CUTTING, KEEP STARVING KEEP SELF HARMING YOU REALLY DESERVE IT” “YOU ARE A SUICIDE PSYCHO ***** THAT’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE”
I just want them to stop, I’m not that kind of mean person. JUST STOP.
I’m an atheist but sometimes I have to wonder, there must be a reason for all this shit I’ve/we’ve been put through, surely the universe and life isn’t all just a chance event and yet that’s what makes most sense, certainly compared to what any religion has to offer.
Conceived in a moment of lust, never asked to be born, don’t ask to be alive now, yet here I am, living and breathing, for what bloody reason. The people in this world create and destroy in equal measure, all the good there is, there seems to be an equal amount of evil to balance it all […]
Why movies are better than reality ? Why movie is better than reality ? Why reality is boring ?
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I don’t want to be here anymore.
Failed suited attempts are a pain in the butt. They lock you up in a hospital, everyone freaks out. You feel this huge amount of guilt, and rarely no relief that you’re alive, only more depression becuase you didn’t succeed. Family always makes you feel guilty, how could you do this? Why didn’t you tell me. Like duh , if I told you, you would’ve stopped me, and I wanted to die. Then comes the painful process of “getting better” “learning to be happy”. You’re supposed to make all these steps so you don’t do it again and promise you’ll get help. But when you […]
I just want to be set free…this life is weighing on my shoulders
I really want to just end it all. Why not?