I have a problem. The first step is admitting it, right? That is what they say on TV. So I am going to put on my big boy pants and fess up… I’m addicted to pills. Sleep aids, cough medicine, herbal supplements, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, anything! Let’s put it this way, if I am taking a walk and see a blister pack on the ground with one mystery pill inside, I have to restrain myself from picking it up. I’ve stolen medication. I’ve taken handfuls of it. I’ve lied to get it. I just can’t seem to stop. But it’s only because I a so […]
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wanted
It’s 12:57am and depression just hit me again. I just wanted to write here cause i have no one to talk to. I just want to feel okay. Im glad I found this site, this is my second post. This is where i let it all out, write what i feel, but there is still something i cant express. So im trying to write more. I dont know if someone cares, but i do this to help myself.
I was at the mall with my boyfriend this afternoon. I was happy that time. I couldnt ask for more. But i’ve just found out that his ex […]
I’ve never posted here before, but I have read other’s stories. Honestly, they’ve helped me feel like i’m not the only one who feels a despair and hopelessness so deep, we feel we’ll never get back out. Life has always been hard, but I’ve been able to fight through it. A big FUCK YOU to society. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be someone of value despite the roadblocks life has thrown at me, and the impossible expectations people have. But I’ve come to realize it’s all an endless cycle. And I wish it would all just stop. Sorry for the long […]
Wondering starting to date again… I like one girl more then the others she is cute and sweet. She is originally from the country that I moved too 6 years ago. But also lived in the east and southern of Europe.
She is 8 years older then me. I don’t mind. I actually quite like it as I would like children and I think she would want them too. I wonder though if it is a wise step.. in the longer run for my happiness if that path were to happen….
we click really well so I do not really for see problems in that […]
I can’t breathe, I can’t think. My heart is broken, my life is broken, I am broken. My mom shot herself 2 years ago and I’m trying to not think these thoughts, make these plans..I just can’t help it. I am so sad and alone and lost. I always wanted my legacy to be something extraordinary, special. It didn’t work out. My life has been one tragedy, one struggle, after another. People say I’m smart & beautiful, but I’m not. I never married because I didn’t want to ‘settle’.. but people just assume there’s something wrong with me. Every night I come home to an […]
I was manic when we started dating. That’s what the drs say. I had lost weight, was happy, wanted to stay up so late and have sex all the time. I moved In with him. He fell In love with me. Then I crashed. So low I thought of suicide constantly. I’ve never been manic or this low before. I feel as if I’ve created him. I’m not who I was. Gained weight. Ugly. Stupid. I feel so sorry for him. I should move out so he can find a good person for him. I’ve told him that and he says he wants me, […]
When i was 16 my life was simple, i had many friends, i was the funny bestfriend, and i dont know anything but happiness. Though my mom works abroad its okay cause im used to it, she’s been in another country for five years. I live with my dad, we are not close so i dont really talk to him that much. I had a boyfriend and we both loved each other so much. But when i started to feel uncontented i started cheating on him over and over again. I would also say hurtful words to him, i made him feel useless. and i […]
I have lost the love of my life. The only woman I have ever truly loved and truly loved me. I waited 36 years for her to come into my life. She was my everything. Everything I ever wanted and needed.
I don’t understand why most people insist on telling me to “move on” and that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” and other cliché nonsense like this. I am aware of this. I know I could get someone else.
Why do people not understand that I don’t want to find anyone else? Who could ever compare to her? She was not perfect. No one […]
I was doing so well. I was happy, my family was happy with me. I was helpful instead of a burden. I was trying so hard to please myself and everyone around me. My mom took my sister on a trip I was dying to go on. She had refused to take me on it the year before, but agreed it would be worthwhile for my sister. I was upset, and a little bitter at first. But I decided to get over it and just be happy and help out around the house over spring break while they were gone. My dad works all day, […]
Im 21 years old yet i still feel like such a useless child, that same little girl whose father wanted her aborted, whose mother sdespite this got back together with said father and stood by while he both physically and emotionally abused me. He eventually kicked me out after finding out i had been raped saying that i deserved it and was better of dead. I struggeled to find a new place to stay the night most nights, if i couldnt find a place id sleep in a stall at hyvee or a walmart. While homeless i became addicted to meth. Id spend everyday high […]
I am 26 years old, and I’m married to the woman of my dreams, my high school sweetheart.
We’ve been married almost 3 years now, we have two kids ages one, and seven.. I have had a series of experiences in my life that I suppose have slowly eaten away at my innocence and I’ve managed to lose grasp on the good within me.
I use to be a very happy individual.. I was rarely ever in a bad mood or sad, and of those rare times my negative mood was usually influenced by an external source, someone unhappy with my choices or actions, or […]
New to this forum. I just want to share my story as honestly as possible. It will be long so I apologize for that. I hope you read on.
It all started about 6 years ago. At that point in my life I had finally carved out an existence that was neither happy nor unhappy overall. I had a good job with very good prospects, as I was a co-owner. I owned a house, a car and had money in the bank. I had a fairly large group of friends. I was OK with my life, even though I was not truly happy.
Then out of the […]
Im not crazy , just alone, need employment, cant get out of house, lost my last job 2 months ago hitting on a girl, which i would never do ever but wasnt thinking clearly from the kratom. Im about 400 pounds and i feel lazy and lethargic alot. I worked at 711 for about a year, hard to keep up but i tried reallh hard. Then i got a job as a security officer. im a nice guy, why did i have to hit on that woman, i should of not did it, noe i have 14 dollars living with my brother, ive messed up […]
Evil comes in many forms, in abuse, emotional neglect, psychological torture and many others – all instigated by a minority of individuals – there are some people who are the embodiment of evil because they are the medium in which evil propagates. I have a strong inclination towards physical justice, I would gladly and genuinely inflict pain and suffering on those that have committed evil acts, ironic? I suppose on some levels, but I distinctly think that those that injure the innocent are subhuman and therefore are not allowed the benefits of human morality.
Coming in contact with these individuals breeds such vehement and unrelenting hatred in […]
I’m 20 and in my second year of varsity. I have a history of cutting myself and have tried to kill myself a few times, putting myself in hospital once. After a lot of effort and the help of my boyfriend I was able to move past it and break the habit. But now he and I are having a really rough patch. We have nothing in common. He’s Mr Logic while I’m immensely emotional. He doesn’t make me feel wanted or special. It feels like he looks down on me a lot. I’m not even sure if I still love him any more. My […]
So i left off with that abusive fuck i think i was on when i was 16. Okay so here goes part two….tried to get away..i started dating this othey guy i dated him for 2 years he treated me really good he helped me alot…i cheated on him though in the beginning of our relationship with the abusive fuck because he threatened to kill himself i talked to him tryed to make sure he was okay. I eventually told my bf what i had done he was really upset i dont blame him he didnt blame me either. I hated myslef though he was […]
I feel like I’m slowing down. Everything sounds distant or submerged in water. My vision blurs in and out of focus. I have no energy to do anything, not that I want to anyway.
Is this what dying feels like?
I have yet to find someone who tolerates me talking in metaphors, or even enjoys me doing it.
Regardless of all this, I’m still here, so maybe that counts for something.
I spent a large portion of this afternoon running my fingers over the scar on my throat, or staring at it in the mirror. A wound that by every right should have killed me. No one can live […]
so ever since i was young i always remember my dad hitting my mom for… well? i guess cheating and i always saw him hit her, i would hear her screaming and crying then after that he would yell at me and my sister for dumb shit. he used to hit us badly with a thick leather belt that would leave marks on our legs and back sometimes buries.i was always scared to call the cops and the fear of my siblings being taken awake and separated into different foster families. it kept going for many years. i always loved my mom and felt sorry […]
this is gunna take a lot off courage so yeah, im fed up with people bullying me now and they say i ask for it, well i dont, ever since secondry i was bullied so much, i was bullied to the point were i wanted to end my life, i came home day after day crying, i never coped well in school and even at college i got bullied, i was so insecure about my self i used to wear make up/foundation because i wansnt happy with my skin i hated having spots wearing foundation gave me a confidence boost untill i got bullied for […]
Blood: mine and everyone else’s. It becomes an obsession. I love to see it. The very thing that keeps us alive. Available in large or small quantities. In small portions it can be a necessity, yet deadly to someone else! And in large it can drain you of the essence of life. It oozes from a cut as a throbbing life form becoming free. Entering the real world and clinging hopelessly to the skin only to be brushed off and thrust into a hostile environment. Drying and dying, the blood and its gift of live wither away into a dark, hard shell of its former […]