I’ve been suicidal for a year now. And well I just recently graduated high school and a lot of things are going really really bad. On graduation day there was a party and I regret going to that party so much. I took my girlfriend with me not knowing that that would be the last time I would ever be with her. The way things went down was that I was drunk and I was not myself being suicidal for a year you feel really good want you to these things. So the thing was that I went to go talk to another girl and […]
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wanted
My son is 18, he lives elsewhere, I’ve been a deadbeat mum due to something called bipolar disorder which rendered me incapable of making good decisions. I should have had my son adopted, my mum stepped in but later on she stepped right out and put my son into care at 8 while I had yet another psychotic breakdown. There is no dad for my child. He was psychotic, paranoid, a drug taker, denied paternity after refusing to use a condom for the one time we had sex.
Friends and relatives have good relationships with their kids, they were wanted and planned. Kills me inside.
The guilt […]
I wrote this for a project in english class. Its a story about my own life. I threw myself into 3rd person and became the friend I wish I had when this was all happening. I hope you enjoy.
id the same. I dont think I heard them ever tell him congratulations without there being a “but” after it. Maybe they did, but I’m pretty sure he would’ve told me about it. So, Alex goes through his life thinking he is never good enough, that failure far outweighs success and quite frankly, he was miserable. But, for some reason, I can never remember him crying.
In middle […]
“Why do you want to die?” They asked before I was forced into therapy. “Was it the deaths in your family? How bout your parents devorce? Or was it being taken away from your parents christmas eve at 7 years old?” Well no. I had finally pushed that back in my mind until it was brought up. Now that was almost 3 year ago and maybe then thats why i wanted to die but now idk why. Maybe the social anxiey and depression ive developed. The worthlesness and pain i feel deep inside because thats all i can cause others. pain. so as i […]
So I’ve had these thoughts before that I just want to go but this was years ago I mean like ova 5/6 years ago. These were always easy to understand that in a bad place bad times not happy etc.
Now all has changed, I have no issues in life or with people all is good, but now I feel at ease with it all.
Recently thoughts returned and I’m quite happy about it how at peace I am with the idea, the thought of going mostly puts me in a really good mood and crack on with the days work looking forward to later […]
I don’t want to cut anymore I don’t want to smoke But what reason do I need to stop for? You wanted me to change and I did I became a whole new person just so you would be proud of me and where did that get me? It got me nowhere your still not proud, I don’t want to be a mini Jasmine or Laura Jr. I want to be Mya and Mya wants to dance, sing, run away with her guitar and write music. I was happy in Oregon I had a bunch of friends and almost had a boyfriend But you dated […]
Hi guys. So, uhm, I’ve been very distraught lately. For the last 6 years I’ve had depression but it really started hitting me last year. Around April, my family turned their back on me. I live with my cousin, sister and grandmother. My cousin wanted to move out and she needed an excuse, so she said I abused her. I had to be forced to move away multiple times from April-September during that time. Also a lot of my closest friends have turned their backs too. I went to a lot of them for help and they all rejected me and this year i made […]
I honestly thought this summer I would be able t talk and hang out with my friends. My best friend said that no matter what I needed, she would be there for me. This morning I got in a huge fight with my mother, she threatened to hit me which made my dad step in and tell her to back off. I’m honestly lucky that he is there for me. But even though the fight was over, I still felt horrible. The things she said hit me like a bullet to the heart. Reality hit me, it hit me hard. I felt like […]
So, my mother posted an image on my facebook wall that went along the lines of, “We need to teach our daughters the difference between a man that controls you, and a man that looks out for her best interests, etc. etc.” It went on for several lines of teaching daughters the difference between this and that. Aside from the multitude of social issues the image presents, my response to the image was, “How about I just focus on my career and not put my self-worth into another human being. How about I measure my life and worth in accomplishments? Problem solved.”
She retorted with how […]
I love this girl and we recently got together and she loved me as much as I loved her, but a week ago she tells me to go to here house. Alone, So I did and she told me that she wanted a “Open Relationship” where she can go explore the world but still have me in her life.. It makes me feel kind of used but I don’t know I want to keep it the same, she still kisses me and stuff… but she told me the other day that she liked this guy…. and I almost lost it, like 2 days after we, […]
I haven’t been around here lately… I haven’t had much to say… Not sure what to say.
Life is complicated as fuck! Bad things seem to happen but my mind won’t hold on to them like they use to. Little things don’t seem to bother me. Good things are happening, but it also feels like a big void. It’s almost as if I had some big plans but suddenly I can’t remember what they were. And I feel the uncertainty of not knowing if I should care or not. I’ve been thinking about killing myself lately, but not out of sadness…almost as if my mind […]
Being alone and being lonely are completely different notions. Being alone is the act of being secluded or apart from other human beings…Being lonely is the emotional detatchment you get from having no emotional connections. You can be in a stadium full of people and still be lonely. That is what I am, lonely. I revel in being alone. I love it. I can walk around my apartment naked if I really wanted to and there would be no one to complain but myself. And up until recently, I never minded be lonely, either. But now, I’m losing sight of any real reason to continue. […]
every single time someone looked me in the eyes and asked me why I couldn’t do it, I would tell them it was because of you. I couldn’t imagine putting you through that. I never wanted you to have to worry about me. I was suppose to take care of you, I was suppose to be the one burying you, in many, many years. but here I am, the rope already tied. I’m going to use the chair I’m sitting on, it’s from the kitchen table I hope you don’t mind.
don’t blame yourself because you did everything you could. and please don’t mourn because we […]
Vietnam, July 24
I just came back from one failed year studying in France. After one year, I realized that I didn’t study what I really wanted. So why, why did I go ?
The first thing my father noticed, when I stepped out the door of the aeroport, frustrated having to leave the solitude on the 12-hour flight, was that I did not greet him. He took no time to inform my mother about my misbehavior. A good child should «know your place», and I know that very well. But I hate good boys […]
Anyone else sick of people telling them they drink too much? I mean, alcohol has been around since before written history. Do you honestly think the cavemen ever said “Ugh oog agga ooga boo boo.”? (Translation: Jack, I think you’ve had too much to drink.). I mean damn. When those motherfuckers wanted a woman they’d hit ’em over the head with a wooden club and drag them to their cave by their hair. And that shit was the norm. So what if I drink a bit too much a grab a butt that doesn’t belong to me? Motherfuckin’ human nature bitches.
Well everybody has a story to tell, and I feel like I should probably put mine out there somewhere, if for nothing more than prosperity’s sake.
I guess my real story starts at age fifteen. I was a sophomore in high school. I never really had many friends, only one or two that I would call friends, and I never really had a girlfriend, even though I was always told by the girls that I was good looking, I guess my personality just wasn’t what they wanted as I tended to be quiet, and introverted. One day I found myself sitting next to a pretty girl […]
There is so much fear. I want to go back to school this fall to finish my degree but I’m not sure how I am going to survive. I had big dreams of graduating and going on to MIT for graduate program or even just getting a job and being responsible. I feel like I am falling apart here. I feel as though I am either normal or depressed and not functioning. I don’t trust medication and I don’t trust the doctors who screwed me over. I became depressed on birth control, then took Prozac, was abusing Adderall in between to finish deadlines and the whole […]
No one can know that im going down, not even my boyfriend. All i can think about lately.is killing myself. But I was on top of this tower and i had the oportunity to tip over the edge into oblivion but I dont know what stopped me. It wasnt the barriers, no, i couldve jumped over. It wasnt the many eyes watching as i leant over the edge and felt nothing but a sort of high, no, They wouldnt of mattered. It wasnt my so called best friend talking to the guy she ditched me for, she wouldnt of noticed. I was just scared. Scares […]
Admittedly, I find myself at a strange place now. Before I was so sure about wanting to kill myself. But now–after having thought about my motivations for not just dying, but living as well–I don’t know where I stand. There is still some motivation for wanting to die, that much I can say with certainty. In fact, that motivation is still unconditional just as it has been. However, I’m afraid that somewhere in my subconscious, that motivation stems from something superficial. So I find myself needing to know what that “something,” is and once I do, I can act full-heartedly and decide with a clear head, whether or not I should live.
I’m so close to […]
Hey i wanted to thank you guys who were supporting me on this site. i was wondering if anyone wanted to tal my email is conduit28@gmail.com . could really talk to someone now