I just called my insurance company… but I had a strange connection with the operator that answered. He made me feel a million times better. We were laughing and joking for like 10 minutes and he was actually a bit unprofessional and he kept saying how unprofessional he was being. It was cute. It was nice. Is it weird that I almost wanted to tell him to call me? Is it desperate? Have I reached that point where I’m desperate? lol. I’m not going to be modest, it’s not as if I can’t find a man if I want it, but it’s hard to find someone with my […]
I hadn’t intended to write something funny, but I felt so pathetic I felt ridiculous… and I had to laugh at myself.
Chain of events, but I will try to keep it as short as possible. So my doctor…never mind. Just know that I was so frustrated I started getting dizzy at work and had to hold back tears but that was really okay since I was just about to leave the office, and my friend suggested a psychiatrist. I was so RAARRRR I said it’d probably be the same… and he told me it wouldn’t. So I listened to music on the ~1h drive back […]
So it’s been a while since I’ve commented or posted on here. Before I found SP I felt worthless, purposeless and like a failure. I’ve failed at everything I’ve attempted in my life, but when it came to being there for you guys I felt like I meant something. Like I could actually help people like me. However, when those thoughts start to whirl around in my mind every negative, demonic energy creeps up and tells me why I’ll never be worth it and while I’ll never make a difference. I’ve always felt as if I was in search of something, something fulfilling. I’m not […]
“You have so much to live for.”
I don’t know how may more times I can listen to that. Anytime I talk to any friends or family it’s the same thing. They start by telling me how I am going through a rough patch and that it will all get better. They don’t offer any real advice. They half ass their responses and tell me how my future is going to be just fantastic. I am getting frustrated even thinking of it now. A severe case of anxiety and depression is no “rough patch”. I have been dealing with these issues since before I can remember. […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I live for sweets. It’s one joy in my life out of few. I don’t care if it’s bad for my teeth. I’d rather endulge in sweets throughout my life. I’m eating frozen moose tracks yogurt. My breath already smells funny. The yogurt is old, I’m not sure how old, but it has a little freezer burn. But I don’t care.
It’s cold tonight. It’s storming, raining and hailing. I eat ice cream and sich when it’s cold or nights like this. Isn’t that weird I hate ice cream in the summer. It melts so fast.
Besides this, I’m waiting to hear from a friend. He is […]
I’m having a really good day.Today is my birthday and for the first time in forever, I feel a lot of love for myself. I’m not anxious today and I just feel content and pleased. But I was thinking about you guys here and I just wanted to let everyone know that I care about you guys and I love you guys. I write here when I’m the most sad, the most depressed, the most vulnerable. But I also want to write here when I’m happy. Thanks everyone for still being here – and for all the support here. <3
Loosely-gathered thoughts on this exhausting day:
I might not be able to post this, since the site has been wonky for me lately. Some days it doesn’t let me post. I emailed the admins about it but haven’t heard back.
I am glad beaubri is still here.
It’s 11:00 at night and I have not eaten anything all day long. I should probably have something.
Has anyone heard from ToTrees lately? I know his MRI was Monday, and I haven’t heard from him since Sunday, I think.
My own MRI is in about nine days, and I’m trying to distract myself by writing more music. I may post it here […]
What is life ?
For me life is just a fucking bullshit because i live like a dead person in this fucking world .
I always hated myself and my stupid life , and since i became a teenager i always wanted to die and lived with the suicidal thoughts every fucking night , it was the only thing i wanted because i just wanted to be free by dying than living in this shitty world .
Even though i always wanted to die , i just couldn’t suicide or even hurt myself because i was just scared, so instead of doing it i was just crying , because i was […]
I get these overwhelmingly strong feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness and anxiety and frustration with myself. It’s been like this now for the past year. I tried to hide all of it from people for quite a while but one day I got a panic attack in class and that’s when my friends found out that my smiles had been fake all this time. I try to drop some hints to my mum that I feel “down” or “I just want to end it all” but she thinks its all just teenage angst or just hormones at this age.
Is it really just angst if I […]
After my test tomorrow with the piza place thay interviewed me this week. And I say good bye to my dog, write or type or video recored everything im done. Im fucking done. I cant handle this anymore. Im not going through this again. Im not going to be homeless. Im not goint to be jobless. Im not going to be carless. Im not going to suffer being alone. Im not going through this. I cant take it! I cant fucking take it! I hate myself! I hate everything! I HATE MY LIFE! Im done im fucking done!
IM SORRY SP! IM SORRY EVERYONE! IM SORRY! […]
I’ve tried to say more, I’ve WANTED to, but I don’t know what a plastic person can offer that isn’t plastic.
I have a job, a home, health, food, shelter, the necessities. My coworkers like me, my family cares about me, my friends mean the world to me. Somehow it makes me feel even worse about myself, more of an ingrate, more worthless, more hopeless.
I got sent to the E.R today for suicidal thoughts.
NO.
Don’t tell me its alright.
My parents called me a big problem. They are angry at me. My mom said she wanted to buy shoes and now she can’t because “I did all this”. My sister said I’m being a stupid teenager. My father and mother said that I was doing all this intentionally so I can go see how a psychologist works, because I like psychology. My mom said that she feels bad for my sister because my sister wanted to go out the the mall, and they had to get called to the hospital. My […]
A few weeks back I was arrested for fraud and as I type this letter the Police are investigating me.
My life has collapse – I have lost my marriage, I will lose my house, no job and my dearest two boys particularly my youngest (14) does not want to know me but my oldest is autistic so he cannot comprehend the situation.
Our marriage has always been stressful – looking after our autistic son, my health problems and wife’s depression. Our youngest was always was protected – giving him a carefree life with a great education. With that protection he is now in a Royal Ballet […]
I know I always talk about my ex, but I can’t help it. He is a piece of my depression. A huge piece. I just want to tell someone… I haven’t checked my text messages in 11 days. I turned alerts off. I don’t even know if I have any new messages. I quit cold turkey. It’s like smoking. If he were a cigarette, I would be 11 days cigarette free. The problem is I don’t know if other people are messaging me. It’s not a big deal, it’s not as if I have a ton of friends… they have other ways to get in […]
Hi everyone,
I used to visit this site frequently years ago, but I was content to just read everyone’s struggles and think of them and relate… but since then just reading has become insufficient.
But I don’t want to tell my life story or make a long post, because I talk too much lately and I also just took my sleeping pill, so I would like to end this post coherently hahaha.
I’ll just say that I’ve been depressed since I was a child, and I noticed how different I was from everyone else, and after being abused and molested by 3 separate “friends,” at three separate points in my […]
I’ve reached the very end upon which I will endure this existence. Preparations all set…… Going to end it with a drink. I’m done with this shitty world, i’m done dealing with parasitic, materialistic, deceptive people. I’m done dealing with “family” that lies, steals, and treats me like shit. Love does not exist in this ugly, putrid, infected world of racists, murderers, politicians, corruption, prostitutes, and abominations.
I rather be dead then live with the likes of you…. You who see the light in this world are the real freaks, psychopaths, and ones who need help. “chill out, think about the positive” that’s a pitiful […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I am feeling so damned depression, feel myself nearing the outskirts of stability. So sick of fucking living in my mind. Wish I could talk to people, and extract some joy out of it. Wish that I felt wanted, wish I had something to interact with socially, and I don’t want it. It’s all a fucking joke. It’s all my mind, my brain chemistry, my destiny maybe (?), I got no fucking clue what it is, perhaps it’s my ever dwindling and fluctuating self confidence. I have no ability to focus, all I do is mindlessly watch television. I look at sp, and the posts […]
I was depressed before I fell in love. I have to remind myself of that so I don’t think that I am even more crazy to want to kill myself because I lost the person that I love. I. was. depressed. before. I. fell. in. love. I had suicidal thoughts before I met him. I have been anxious and depressed for a very long time. Probably since childhood.
It’s not like I’ve never been in love before. But this time, I thought he was last one I would ever have. We match. He understands me. But I didn’t give him what he wanted. […]