Tag:

wanting

Half-asleep rant

by Trix 11/6/2015

written by Trix

Hello all. 🙂

I tried to keep this short – and failed. I just needed to rant. Not about anything in particular. I seriously need some sleep, so please forgive any bad writing.

Today I used my wheelchair for the first time. It’s on loan for six weeks. Who knows, maybe in that time I’ll get outside more and it’ll help me start to feel less depressed. I’ve been so much worse lately, and I think spending more time in the house and with relatively little natural light has caused a lot of that.

This evening I went to a local light-themed festival. People make installations, play music […]

11/6/2015 21 comments

No Creative Voice

by InhalingAnxiety 11/6/2015

written by InhalingAnxiety

I have absolutely no creativity anymore. I used to.

I find it difficult to express myself. When I try to focus on finding a good way, everything leaves me. Anything I have to say is just a basic, simple rambling of words.

I know you can’t force creativity, but I have no muse or motivation. It’s just me wanting to express myself effectively and I’m so terrible at doing things for myself, as I find myself unimportant.

It’s like there’s two sides in my head constantly fighting. One side is begging to speak and to be heard and the other side is saying whatever it has to say […]

11/6/2015 5 comments

A sensible response to a life of fear?

by thehusk 11/4/2015

written by thehusk

What is it that keeps dragging me back to this point, wondering whether it’s worth living?

In short, fear. My constant companion, though it fluctuates. Sometimes the intense panic of social anxiety. Others the restless despair of a perceived future. It gnaws away in the back of my mind when I try to relax or enjoy myself. It chases me through my dreams.

It is always there, telling me that something is terribly wrong, requiring all my attention – that nothing else can be enjoyed until it is resolved.

So, what is it that I’m so afraid of? At route, it’s that who I am is fundamentally unacceptable to other […]

11/4/2015 13 comments

Let me off!

by AfflictedSmile 11/4/2015

written by AfflictedSmile

I can’t handle or control my emotions. My emotions fluctuate and change on a dime. Sometimes it’s stays that way for several hours or days, and other times it’s minute by minute.

I’ve been feeling really suicidal lately, and I’ve almost broke down several times at work. And as a guy, the thought of showing my emotions (crying etc) in front of other men is never a good thing. So I constantly have to regain my composure. I go from wanting to just cry, to being angry, to being filled with rage. And when I’m filled with rage, it’s explosive anger. I cussed out a man […]

11/4/2015 1 comment

Cease to Exist

by Take a Deep Breath 10/30/2015

written by Take a Deep Breath

I don’t want to die necessarily… No, I can firmly say that in this very moment in time and space, I do not want to die.

However, I cannot firmly say what I want. I walk outside in the morning; I feel the dew settling on my face and the cool breeze that kisses my cheeks… I see the sun shooting tendrils of light through the light cloud cover, and I see the grass swaying with every breath of the wind. However, sometimes these things evoke nothing in this heart of mine. Nothing.

Now, you would think that feeling nothing would be a beautiful reprieve of the […]

10/30/2015 2 comments

Courage

by Shards 10/28/2015

written by Shards

It takes a lot of courage to end your suffering

and even more courage to live through it

…. unfortunately, I have the courage for neither

Hello, everyone. First post here. Found this site about a week ago, and have been reading quite many posts since then. Maybe I should introduce myself… I am a man, just below 40, living in one of the Scandinavian countries. My life has been ok overall, aside for some suicide thoughts in my late teens, but I guess I was never serious about it then. Up until early august, my life has been fine, until it crashed completely. Even the day before […]

10/28/2015 9 comments

SooOOoo tired

by MissDysphoria 10/23/2015

written by MissDysphoria

My life’s too busy, I did that on purpose so I’d be too busy to think, but I just want a day to do nothing, I’m so worn out….on the bright-side, I found $50 of the ground today! anyways i’m just so tired, and I’m really worried about my BF who is also suicidal, and he’s really over life right now, which really scares me, and I don’t know what to do. He sees a therapist, which is at least more than I do for myself. I don’t know how I could live if he ever died, and wanting to live is hard as it […]

10/23/2015 2 comments

Admitting Weakness and Desiring Lonliness

by InhalingAnxiety 10/22/2015

written by InhalingAnxiety

So I admitted to my sister yesterday that I need mental help. I’ve been trying to deal with my depression and anxiety myself, but this week has been one long, constant breakdown. I heard a train go through town yesterday and my first thought was, “I wish I was there to jump in front of it.” And I realized I’m not strong enough to handle it myself anymore, if I ever was.

10/22/2015 3 comments

there’s a war inside my head

by bringmethehoriz0n 10/21/2015

written by bringmethehoriz0n

It’s so hard for me to stay strong. I’ve been struggling with my depression for 5 years now. But last week, my friend killed herself, and now I feel like it’s okay for me to do it as well. It really triggered me. I go onto her facebook page multiple times a day and read all of the messages people have sent her. It’s like once you’re dead, people start caring about you. Right now I’m torn between wanting to die and wanting to live. For the past few days I’ve been doing some research about train suicides and suicide by hanging. I found out […]

10/21/2015 4 comments

help

by honeybee 10/17/2015

written by honeybee

im sick of feeling anxious and wanting to end everything. i dont like looking at everything and thinking of a way i could use it to inflict my own death. solutions to ending these thoughts would be greatly appreciated. please.

10/17/2015 4 comments

Day 11?

by Alex 10/16/2015

written by Alex

I’ve been meaning to post more often but most of the time I try to keep myself busy and try not to either cut or kill myself. Everyday.

Lately I’ve been feeling really, REALLY lonely and really wanting to find a boyfriend, but with my personality and me being very introverted and shy …. It’s really hard for me to approach really any guy or let any guy approach me … I’m just such a fail idk why I haven’t even attempted once more. Maybe this time it’ll work. Maybe I’ll fuck up myself even more. Who knows?

10/16/2015 1 comment

Building a wall or tearing it down

by brodie3750 10/12/2015

written by brodie3750

It’s hard feeling so alone sometimes. The nights are cold and long. My body is pretty tired and my mind is worn down from all the overthinking both positively and negatively.

I constantly feel like I’m losing everyone important to me. I have a lot of friends, it’s true, but I long for companionship. I need somebody to console me. I have lost a lot but I’ve thrown away more. I realise that.

It’s hard wanting love but not accepting it. The one thing I want most, is the one thing that I’m terrified of

Feeling unwanted is the sole reason I hurt inside. Yet letting someone in […]

10/12/2015 4 comments

Life is too long?

by Mark_1981 10/7/2015

written by Mark_1981

Does anyone else feel this way? I personally don’t want to live as absolute long as possible. I read about how some people live 100+ years, crediting their longevity to silly things such as “eating bacon everyday” or “eating a grapefruit daily” and so on. I’m glad to hear that these people are glad to be alive and further happy to hear that they’re content with going on living for as long as possible. And then there’s people who have searched for ‘the fountain of youth’, wanting eternal youth and never aging. Me? I definately don’t want to stay on this earth for as long […]

10/7/2015 15 comments

The feeling of control…

by dummyaccount 10/7/2015

written by dummyaccount

I think… feel… know I’m worthless. This feeling of worthlessness does not solely originate from external factors. I’m a lazy sonofva, an unmotivated fool, a academically inept, and pretty much a waste of space of a human being. Those are some the sources of my pitiful wanting to end it all. However, as weird as it may sound, when I “tried” to actually “end it”, at the moment of knowing it will all be over, I felt joy, relief, and “not” depressed. Obviously I am still alive evidenced by me typing and sharing this and also I’m not in a hospital or any medical institution. […]

10/7/2015 2 comments

I cant take care of myself, let alone everyone else.

by Cro0kedYoung 9/27/2015

written by Cro0kedYoung

I’m tired. Tired of everything. Well not everything. I’m not tired of the times when I feel some sort of happiness, I’m not tired of the times when I’m alone and no one bothers me, but I’m tired of the rest of it. Tired of people relying on me to help them with things that I cant even help myself with. That was always the case with my former best friend. She seemed as though she was in the same situation as me, although I never really saw her looking sad or wanting to die. We are no longer friends but at the time she […]

9/27/2015 5 comments

by deerdezz 9/27/2015

written by deerdezz

Ive gotten to the point where i dont really feel bad for a number of things. I still feel in the ‘wrong’ on a social stance because i feel that i might be lacking empathy and well thats my own self analysis. Im entitle to it right? I do feel at times im horrible, a monster it would be better to burn my bridges than to subject those who still care to my ups and downs. But then they’re also choosing to stick around when they know how bad things can get with me.

Things have never felt or seemed so clear before. A lot […]

9/27/2015 2 comments

I don’t know anymore

by maddie_kay 9/26/2015

written by maddie_kay

My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I’m “too needy” and “gloomy all the time”. I’m sorry for wanting to spend more than 4 hours a week with you. I’m sorry for getting jelous and depressed when you tell me that you’re hanging out with your friends, and it turns out one of them is a some pretty girl. How did I find this out, because you fucking came to say hi to me at work while you two were alone. I’m sorry that I got upset when I found out you were giving my mega slut “friend” car rides to school […]

9/26/2015 9 comments

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality

by KH 9/25/2015

written by KH

i liked this quote. I like Edgar Allen Poe. So here it is. It has no reference in particular; I just read some of his work today and it stuck in my mind.

it’s been months since my last post on here – good news I guess. But now I’m back – bad new now, I guess. Everything’s been okay-ish. I was recently re-admitted to hospital for abdominal pains, had another operation and I’m out again, for now anyways. Now, surely, when you’re in hospital, your ‘other half’ shall we say should want to see you, correct? Or at least want to talk to you, if […]

9/25/2015 5 comments

I really regret telling people about my cutting and wanting to kill myself. This “help” isn’t helping me

by meg3323 9/23/2015

written by meg3323

9/23/2015 4 comments

Life

by mantra 9/21/2015

written by mantra

Life feels like this. When you were born it was like someone pushed you into the water. Maybe it would end up good, and you would enjoy the swim. Some might struggle to float or wouldn’t like being in the water. And for some other like me, there’s a hand pushing me down under the water, desperately wanting me to drown, but life went on and on without end, the hand keeps pushing down, and here I am just struggling to survive. But we all know, death will win in the end. Why not end it sooner?

9/21/2015 1 comment

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