how can I freaking die without struggling? That is the question! I been living in hell since my first memories. I been blitzed since 7 am but I know I am sobering up. I wanted to die since I was a child. How can I do it painlessly? Can someone help me please?
Tag:
wanting
There are moments when even to the sober eye of reason, the world of our sad humanity may assume the semblance of Hell…
by KH
written by KH
The title above is a quote by Edgar Allan Poe – one of my favourite writers, and if you haven’t read any of his works yet I highly recommend it!
Ive been reading through his Complete Tales and Poems recently and honestly I’ve never enjoyed myself more. His writing is beautiful, and the words come alive as you read them.
Anyways, the point of this little note is to say that Hell is already in the world in humanity itself. It is a tragic thing but it is logical in the sense that humanity is the worst and best thing to happen in this planet; so corruption […]
Well, life’s a struggle for some isn’t it? As long as I can remember I’ve disliked myself, always feeling less than others, not good enough, but needing to be perfect. I’m one of those people who tried about everything to find the happiness, the peace and the love within. I’ve done Vipassana meditation retreats (15 times 10 days), years of self-inquiry, many times Ayahuasca and Iboga (powerful shamanic practices), listened to hundreds of hours to Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, Abraham Hicks and other teachers, Sedona Method, EFT, NLP, you name it.
It all helped, certainly to ease the greatest distress of the moment. Each time crawling out […]
I hate It when your doing so good then all of sudden something happens & then your like okay no problem but then bad things just keep stacking up & the next thing you know your driving & you start closing your eyes just wanting everything to be over.Like when your so down but you gotta pick yourself up cause your about to see family.Just when I’m starting to see a future for myself I always gotta do something to screw things up.I’ve had 8 jobs this year on my 9 & If this doesn’t work out then I don’t know anymore.
i have been suicidal since i was honestly 8 but i had to take care of my mother and now shes fine and i want to finally fufill my wish to die but i dont know if i could do it alone or at all, i keep hoping things are going to get better but they never do, am i crazy? i dont know but if anyone in the texas area is looking for a possible suicide partner im here. i keep switching between wanting to do it and looking foward i need somone to do it with me for me to be able to […]
I doubt I posted often enough previously for anyone to have taken notice that I haven’t posted anything for some time now… The simple explanation is that I did not feel the need to. Every negative feeling for some reason subsided for a while, I was happy-ish. My boyfriend and I were getting along well, I finally managed to fit in amongst decent people.. Then I got admitted to hospital.
For physical reasons only was I admitted for three weeks, which took its toll I suppose. I was discharged a few days ago and honestly I’ve never felt worse. My boyfriend has decided once again to […]
I have attempted suicide several times. Obviously, they failed. I don’t want to fail again.
I have tried everything thing under the sun to get to a point of being ok with myself and my place in this world. I have had fleeting moments of okay-ness, but only fleeting as I always come back to wanting to die.
I don’t trust anyone outside of a few family members who partially understand what I am feeling and give me the same advice of “pull up your bootstraps,” bullshit. I know they love me and don’t want me to suffer and I appreciate that. The thing is, I honestly […]
Caught
In a rut, in a strut
In always having rotten luck
In parading around, no end to be found
To always letting myself get cut
And burned
By the same old things
Caught
In a lie, by and by–
In the absence of cut and dry
It’s easier to smile and avoid their eyes
Than to let loose the truth I have no name for,
No cage for
Caught
In a lack if words
Between maybe wanting to be heard
And a need to never be seen again,
A wish to hide away from the world
Caught
With a snap, in a trap,
Falling into the ancient […]
Physics, Nihilism, injustice, crack, alcohol, baseball, should we really help people??? Won’t they just have a more exaggerated experience of the human condition?
by favmove
written by favmove
35 year old white male….educated, athletic, comedic, drug addict, truth searcher, lazy, the average person would say I have so much to offer…..I see there is no purpose, but I know many are in pain….., I really want to know if people who really believe they are happy have a gene switched on that allows them to believe their own lies, somehow my father understands all of this but is content with life…..playing golf and gambling….I honestly don’t know how he does it, I guess I am afraid to die since I have been suicidal since I was 10. I can make anyone laugh, make […]
I just want to be loved, is that selfish?
I saw some kids walking down the street today, I wish I had friends like that, the one group of friends I had at school really just never bothered to get rid of me, only one of them has gone out of their way to talk to me since I graduated, maybe I am a little greedy, wanting more people with me.
My mom and my sister were talking about their friends in school the other day, my mom’s story was particularly painful to hear: all of them were different people, but they were still a tight group, […]
I’m a med student.
I’ve recently started cutting – just yesterday in fact – and it hurts. I’d gone and bought carpet blades and tested it, but the feeling when the blade cuts across kinda makes me cringe. But the aftermath – the little pinprick of pain that follows, is amazing. It’s constantly there, and I can FEEL it.
Does it get better? I want to feel that pain, but the starting part just kinda puts me off. It’s he constant pain that makes it so worth it. I’d woken up this morning and added three more cuts, but like I said, the starting part isn’t that pleasant.
I’d […]
I was too stupid to trust a friend with my suicidal thoughts.
I told her how I want to die.
She told me about people dying wanting to live.
I told her: ‘Life is unfair, people can’t really have what they really want. I want to die but still living, they want to live but they are dying. I don’t see your point. Should I feel blessed for having something others want when I, myself, does not want it?’
Her answer? Ask another mutual friend.
They talked to me about solutions, alternatives, reasons and logic, of all things.
This is not a call for help. This is […]
I’ve got nothing left to live for. Everything I had I gave up for wanting something I really believed in, now that too is gone. I cannot continue living in this depression. I’ve tried sleeping pills last week but only woke up two days later, feeling like more of a failure for not even being able to kill myself. Cutting is not an option. I was thinking of driving out to the beach at night, taking another dose of sleeping tablets and then going into the water once I feel the effect thereof. I cannot keep breathing in this miserable existence any longer
So, I had a conversation today:
Me: Hey…
Sister’s friend: Hi (my name), how are ya?
Me: Alive.
Sister’s friend: *nervous laughter* Well, that’s good.
Me: Depends on your perspective.
Sister’s friend: *more nervous laughter* You’re funny…
This aggravates me, far be it from me to seek attention or, god forbid, support, but it seems like people, especially the ones around me, feel comfortable ignoring every snide and brutally honest comment I make, do I have to hold up a sign?
Hell, while I’m reminiscing, gather ’round kids, let me tell you a story:
Late(ish) last year, I was walking home, along a busy street, when some kids started […]
I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I feel like I drown my sorrows in medial mindless activity just to by because I just can’t bring myself to do anything different. I’m so scared of what would happen if I broke the norm that I am afraid to go against it, just blending in to wherever I happen to be. I constantly destroy every relationship because I’m so overwhelmed in trying to give them everything they want that I eventually push them away. I just feel like I don’t know how to socialize and am constantly depressed whenever I go out just wanting to […]
I want you guys to know its ok to want to kill yourself and that its also ok if you want to not ‘give up’ (more like give in). I know there are many various spiritual beliefs so i won’t get into that but i want you to know that the only person who can judge you is you. The opinions of your family, friends, the state or ‘God’ don’t matter. You are what matters. If you feel like it is your time to leave Earth then leave, cleanly, without regret. For those worrying about hurting their loved ones. Imagine if you moved to some […]
Its like 2:30, i’m still awake for no real reason other than debating whether I should go to work in the morning or just not go and die at a relatively soon timing. I’ve had serious thoughts about not existing since late elementary to early middle school and its just developed into a sad hobby of sorts. I’ve spent at least half an hour to an hour daily recently looking up different ways to kill myself and I think the only reason I haven’t done it yet is that my biggest fear is failing and being unable to make another attempt for whatever reason. My […]
My younger self would probably find me registering to this site both trivial and selfish. Why am I selfish? Why do my peers and contemporaries deem it selfish to want to end all this? No, they’re selfish for wanting to keep the hollow vessel which has become my very being here and pretending that everything is copacetic. Well it’s not and hasn’t been for so long and for just as long I’ve been pretending everything is okay. I don’t have the will to kill myself but I desperately want out. Everyday is exactly the same. Sure we can try to throw spontaneity in place of […]
I wanna live but i cant go through with it but i have to. There is so much for me to hide from people. People ask me if i’m okay I fake a smile and say yes. My collection of blades scare me and trick me into thinking im okay if i cut. I scream and cry wanting it all to go away.
My heart is sinking. My blood feels thick, like lava, burning through my veins. I feel sick with anger and sadness. I feel hopeles. I want to lay down and sink into a peaceful death. I can’t remember anything anymore. I can’t feel anything except the agony of wanting to die but still having to be alive. How can you want something so badly and struggle everyday to reject it. I want to want to live.