I have a hard time talking about this stuff but i just dont know anymore about anything one second I’m happy and ok and most of the time i just dont know what to think its weird, i dont know what to think anymore I go to the gym to help my confidence and it seems the harder i go the harder i am on my self , I feel i made the wrong decisions in life im not getting anywhere with life i feel like im at a stand still, i hate every choice i have made noone knows i feel This way and […]
Tag:
Weird
I am ugly because my nose is to big, my face is round, so no matter how skinny I get, ill always look fat.
I am fat because I have a big build, I can’t change that so ill always be fat.
I am weird because I’m not like the other girls at school, I can’t hold a conversation and I don’t understand the jokes.
I am insane because I didn’t speak for weeks after he left, I sat in silence on the same wall when the few that cared tried to taunt words out of me.
I am fucked up because I cut myself, because I can’t go […]
I, like many other people, am a “lucky” person.
I have a great family, everything I could want and more, many friends who are supportive of me, and a good life in general.
Yet, all the while, I feel this emptiness inside me where emotions should be. Whenever I feel “happy”, it’s more close to feeling something close to happiness, almost like its shadow. If emotions were people, they would come knocking on the door of my heart, then before I can open the door and let it in, it leaves, making me feel something ALMOST like emotions.
Am I becoming heartless? Unable to feel any […]
I’m not in a good mood today. It was a P.E day. We had to dance with boy partners and most of all of them i had was wanting to switch partners, meaning, i’m an unenthusiastic, worthless creep. I was depressed all day over one little thing. i’m so ridiculous. I wanted to cut myself all day, it was so painful to be me. These things, negative comments, just triggered me to want to kill myself. Anyway, i have a plan to. I don’t mean to give people ideas, but i just wanna know if it’ll work. One idea was to take an overdose of […]
I love you, and i would die for you because… please tick
a) You’re the most kindest person ever
b) You’re so inspiring
c) Your beauty is incomparable to anything or anyone
d) Your presence gives me pins and needles in my neck
e) My heart speeds up when i see you
f) My mouth loses the ability to swallow or produce interesting sentences when I’m around you, yet you still put up with me
g) You always seem like you’re looking up at people and you show respect to people even though you’re far more superior than anyone in the whole world
h) Your wacky and weird in a wonderful way
k) […]
I’m almost 22, but I feel old. People have said that I am an old soul, but I think that’s just because I’ve had too much alone time to think. I’ve been mistrustful of people since I was a kiddo, and since then I have become isolated and friendless. My two younger brothers are going through their own psychological trials and keep to themselves. My older sister was like a beast when we were little, and I can’t even bring myself to express how much I resent the ways she manipulated and hurt me. I hardly talk to her. My mom is emotionally distant, due […]
I’ve landed back at my mom’s after yet another bipolar misfortune and It’s just torture to see how happy they are here. I am the weird vampire with  permanently shut curtains in an enclosed chamber that forcibly goes out only when strictly necessary. Still the door is not thick enough to prevent my family’s loud and constant laugher from reaching my ears. I get to hear their phone conversations and how they constantly make plans to meet others, go out to restaurants, country houses, trips and even to have sex. I want to strangle them. They once asked me, would you rather all of us […]
I want to die, but of course I can’t. First I’m scared of dying but I’m sick and tired of trying to live happy. My parents stalk the hell out of me whenever I try to talk to a boy and my dad and mom beat me. What am I supposed to do? My friends tell me I look weird when I don’t smile because I smile all the time. Why do I smile? Why am I completely at peace when I’m at school, but at home I dread it and want to die
I’m tired of living. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of doing […]
I’m actually feeling really well today. I mean sure some douchebags upset me with a comment they made about suicidal people (basically that anyone who commits suicide doesn’t deserve to be loved after they’re gone), but too many good things have happened today for it to ruin my day. So today was National Suicide awareness day and I honestly thought the only people who would care and do something about it were my friends and I (and maybe one or two others), but when I got to school, the first thing I saw was a bunch of popular girls and guys with the word love […]
There are 1,600 people in my school and I feel so alone. I have a lot of friends, but I can never truly be myself around them. No one understands me and they all think I’m weird if I say the “wrong” thing, so I have built a wall between me and them. The only person who I can truly be myself around has moved thousands of miles away /: It just makes me so frustrated that out of all my friends at school, none of them truly know me.
dear anyone who would like to read this
today i went to school, and as usual, was tired cause it was a monday and feel a bit timid towards others. though, as a part of the yearbook, i was required to talk to or introduce myself to 6 students whom i was going to take pictures of. today, one of those students, a girl, was one of them, came to school. almost everytime i tried to talk to her, just to see if she was doing okay in school, (is new) she wouldn’t notice me, or i was interrupt by people tht needed to talk to me.
when i […]
when I’m really considering doing it (off depression this time),
people I haven’t talked to in months randomly PM me (they don’t know I think of suicide) or I’ll meet people I haven’t seen in months/years on the streets
maybe we’re all connected after all .. too bad it no longer means much to me
I’m starting to believe that if I go through with it, it will actually work .. free as a fucking bird
no more room for doubt .. I gotta clear my mind of beliefs that would compromise self-imposed deliverance
So this is probably going to sound dumb but I’m extremely depressed over my recent break up I don’t want to go into details because I feel it won’t help. After my break up things began to get worse, I found out my grandma is very sick and is getting worse each month and there’s nothing I can do for her at all, can’t even see her. I haven’t been able to make enough money to stay in school and financial aid keeps denying me, my friends just don’t seem to understand my struggles in my life and kind of seemed annoyed that I keep bringing certain things up. I also feel like […]
This is long and scattered and weird, but if I don’t let everything out on here I’m gonna let it out on my skin, so… read, or don’t..
Starting in January this year, things have been getting easier. Near the end of school and beginning of summer break, life was great. Better than it’s been in years. Always hanging with my girlfriend, we stopped fighting ever… i was sometimes depressed but always ok! It was great, it was… unbelievable.
When I realized how unbelievably easier my life had been to tolorate recently, I started to think of the future. Things can’t be this easy forever. Eventually I’m gonna have hard shit […]
I sit here in the darkness. The only comfort is the light in my bathroom. I hear soft footsteps. I see a shadow of a creature on four legs. It’s creeping walk slowly limbers towards me. In its jaw is a bone, it crunches in its mouth as some strange liquid drips from its snout. It walks as I reach for the covers and I hide under. A dog howls outside. A very large dog, possibly a wolf.
The creature tugs lightly at the sides of the bed. It lightly gets on the bed as it creeps under the cover.Â
The boy jumps out of bed and […]
It’s weird to know yourself so well, and still have no clue who you are or what to expect from yourself. I know what I do is wrong. I know I have a drinking problem, a depression problem, and I know my past has given me issues with men. I start dating them, sleeping with them, and only then do I realize I have no feelings for them and break their heart after leading them on for a month or two. The problem is that none of them understand me and the shit I deal with.
I’m in therapy, I’ve been on pills, nothing’s ever […]
is it weird that all of my past will never leave my mind… my childhoood was horrible being bullied. parents fighting….. trying to be happy. my grades are really good like always.. … and then there is him. mr. flirty-shy guy … he doesnt flirt alot. but .. yeaa. idk wat i did wrong. we dnt talk like we used too.. Â ehh.
I still cut tho… unfortunately ive tried to stop but its too addicting… its beeen almossttt 3 yeaarss. that ive been cutting… sometimes i stop for a week. or 2 months but it comes back.. Â any remedies to get over a crush?? Â ANY?????? Â any […]
I live in a world where i am always unhappy. my grades are slipping and my parents yell all the time now or ignore me. My brother is their favorite they would give him the world if they could. But to them im just that other kid who was raised by baby sitters until the age of 10. I get bullied at school. I try to hide my depresion so i fit in. Iguess i’m pretty good at hiding it too. For a while nobody knew the dark cloud that surrounded my mind. i first thought about suicide when i was about 8 years old. […]
Is it weird that to me taking 40 advil for a headache seems reasonable even if you know it won’t work? I don’t see the big deal. It took me 59 to OD last time so 40 is nothing to worry about. Yet, no one believes me when I say I was not trying to hurt/ kill myself. Stupid people. They all know I don’t lie. I want to get better. It just struck me as something interesting to do. Why not try it? I handeled it fine and all of it was out of my system the next day during my psych appointment but […]
im starting to get scared. Im so sick of the constant anxious feeling and thinking that everyone thinks im disgusting and worthless and ugly and fat and useless and weird. I just dont know how to get better…Ive tried everything. The meds made me even worse and peple just dont want to acknowledge anything. I cant remember a time when I didnt feel this way. I dont want to keep going if this is all thats ahead of me. Im only 21 and already despise the thought of living until Im old. I just want it over, sooner rather than later. Nobody wants me and […]