I wish things could have turned out different. That’s been something I’ve been saying a lot. It’s just that…recently I’ve been pretty emotionally numb. I feel as though I don’t have a heart. Not in a ‘vain teenager hate the whole world’ kinda way, I just can’t seem to empathize the way everyone else seems to. I feel unintentionally cruel. To make matters worse, my nightmares started coming back.
I don’t know if I want to make another attempt yet, or keep waiting.
It’s a tragedy, really,
How I spent so much time
On you.
You used to make me feel invincible,
Like the world was mine.
But now I’m alone,
With you running through my mind.
It hurts to know that you’ve moved on
While I’m stuck here
Surrounded by my destruction.
The thought of you still keeps me awake.
You’re gone but you’re everywhere;
And you’re not coming back.
It’s time to move on.
I have given up.
I was wondering if there was anyone who can relate to this:
You’d think that after so much shit in this world, and the major issues that piss you off, that the little things don’t matter anymore.
But for me its the opposite:
I get pissed off and angrier or sadder if sudden tinier obstacles come along my way.
Which I don’t expect at all. I mean, larger issues bother me to no end, but you’d think that after a while we build a tolerance to these larger problems and we become oblivious to the tinier things But nope, the smaller issues become the most frustrating, at this point.
Tell me […]
I’m just overflowing with sadness right now.
I am always, but especially right now.
I posted this 3 times already, but the concert I had attended was called, “WE DAY,” an entertaining show with dancers, singers, and speakers to come together in order to celebrate giving back to the community/ world. Helping out others, making this world amazing day by day.
It was very inspirational. I have to admit. I felt I COULD have a place in this world to make it better…
But the entire time I listened, I thought:
“I can’t even help myself…How can I help others?”
I’ve felt terrible all day, I’m not sure I can wait until summer. I only smiled twice today and I started drinking diet pop because I’m not afraid of getting cancer from aspartame anymore. My parents keep getting angry at me because I’m being “morose”. I’m just so fed up with this world and I want out now.
If only nature came with a Reset Button or a built in Self Destruct button (we already are self destructing, it just slow going before it “ends”) or both.
I am contemplating that as I climb down into my chilly bed, adorned with fuzzy house socks and my wooley jumper. (it’s brisk here) Wouldn’t it be lovely? (at the aforementioned)
Light will be breaking over the sea here any moment, I am finally off to bed to get a couple of hours shut eye before rising yet again, to a gloomy gray world, filled with morning tea, morning telly (god helps us) and sitting here pondering yet […]
At this point I feel like I’m just seeing how many days I can survive until I finally decide to kill myself.
I’ve tried so many things over the years..meds, in-patient, therapy, groups, coping skills. I’m not better and now I’m still in horrible withdrawal from medications, too. I’m still in post-acute withdrawal after 9 months off all meds and I’m still a shitty person. I’m trying so hard to change, but you cannot take back the past. I hate myself and I hate life.
Why does somebody else (your parents) get to decide that you exist, but then it’s your responsibility to function and do well […]
I made a friend in the last few weeks here on SP. A friendship forged out of mutual understanding of emotional turmoil.
The last time I talked to him, he was going through a very rough patch. He couldn’t deal with his pain and was on the verge of ending it. In fact, he had tried to make an attempt, but somehow couldn’t go through with it. I tried to talk him out of it. I doubt it worked.
I haven’t heard from him in over a week, and I’m really worried. I think I failed him.
King, if you are still out there, roaming the streets of […]
Is…
Drum roll…
Sleep, beautiful peaceful sleep. It’s the closest thing to not existing. I wish I could sleep for the rest of my life and never wake up again.
How couldn’t I be suicidal in a world where everything is go go go, accomplish as much as you can, be creative, be social… When all I want to do is pass out permanently.
Nighty night
‘Suicidal people are made, not born’ was a post I saw once. But is that really true? When I was born, the doctor had to cut my mother open and forcibly bring me into this world because I had a failure to thrive. Even in that infantile state I knew I did not want to be in this world.
Several months ago I tried to kill myself. I took over 50 prescription sleeping pills and washed them down with alcohol. Do you have any idea how depressing it is to try to kill yourself and fail? This was not a cry for help or attention. My […]
Imagine if we lived in a society where EVERYONE was sad/depressed/suicidal?
Wonder what that would be like. Would be interesting… Heck, I might like it since I no longer have to see annoying happy people strolling along with their happy lives all the time.
If everyone is depressed, then there’s also no more need to pretend and put on a face for people. No more faking it and no more seeing people fake shit either. And no more annoying Christmas music. Ever.
Thanks to everyone here for listening to me opening up and encouraging me throughout my stay at S.P.! You have helped make my time in this world less miserable. Taking one last look through your kind comments on my posts so far… Why can’t everyone be like you guys?
Anyway… As the title says… This may be ”it”…
Wrote the letter, got the ”equipment” ready and all that other shit, heheh… Now I’m just waiting to get the motivation to do it, which will most likely come tomorrow when I’ll yet again be reminded how big of a failure I am. Whelp… Here goes nothing…
By the way, […]
Ffs… Just heard from my ex, the train wreck, that he had some gf for the last two years. After talking to me again like we’re oh so close friends??? I don’t know why it bothers me. He’s the one I call a dead fish. No passion or romance. And I never hear from the guy I truly loved. I bet I’ll never see him again. I don’t fit in to his world. I want to say more, but feel it would be too wrong. Just something else that makes me sick and pissed off. What the fuck happened to this world? I don’t look […]
I’m so full of poison. I hate everybody. Everything. Myself. Fuck reality for being like this. Fuck me for feeling like this. I just want it to stop. I want to sleep, and wake up in a world that isn’t this one, where I am not this person. Or failing that, I want to burn the whole thing down.
“Bipolar robs you of that which is you. It can take from you the very core of your being and replace it with something that is completely opposite of who and what you truly are. Because my bipolar went untreated for so long, I spent many years looking in the mirror and seeing a person I did not recognize or understand. Not only did bipolar rob me of my sanity, but it robbed me of my ability to see beyond the space it dictated me to look. I no longer could tell reality from fantasy, and I walked in a world no longer my own.
Imagine a life without human relationships. No partners. No children. No close friends. No feeling of connection.
What is left?
What else can give a sense of meaning to the suffering we all face as part of life? If for some reason connections with others are ruled out, what is left in this vast, empty world that can hold any enduring significance?
i am lost in this physicial world of existance and not even jesus can save me because i dont need spuritual ..I am worthless at least that’s what they have told me…living homeless on and off for twenty five yrs isn’t fun and am quite sick of it now… shattered both my legs in Oct 6th of 2000…left me a gimp..and no one is willing to help a poor homeless gimp out…I am a cowered I can’t even take my own life I am ashamed at who I’ve become lost my mom at the age of fifteen…brother abused me when I was ninenine,ten, and eleven…father and […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hm, I’m wondering if suicidal / depressed people tend to watch certain kinds of movies more than “normal” people. What kinds of movies do you like to watch? Horror, sci-fi, romance, action, comedy, crime, etc?
I wonder what happy people like to watch? Mostly happy-feel-good movies? Bleh.
I like watching end-of-the-world movies lol. Maybe I want the whole world to end 😛
Likes: action, sci-fi, horror, end-of-the-world, documentaries
I have come to the conclusion that life is some sick experimental scheme that we can curtail by refraining from reproduction . By walking hand in hand into the beautiful glare of oblivion and hence opting out of this Raw deal. Imagine the unfairness of yanking an innocent soul from the comfort of oblivion and casting it into this painful thresher called life. If you have Kids, love them. If you don’t have them, please just be kind enough not bring them into this sick world.
Please log in to report posts