My primary feeling of being in this world is horror and repulsion, my secondary feeling is devastating boredom. My reality is one mundane unglorious task after another until I’m dead. I’m barely managing to survive in this world of extroversion and expected positivity.
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world
instead of doing a new years resolution this year, i decided on somewhat of an ultimatum. i decided that if this year proves to be the same shit its been like in the past years, i’m not going to live anymore. i’ve wanted to kill myself for going on 3 years, and i’m finally giving myself a reason to do it. if this year turns out to show me that life is worth living, i wont kill myself. i doubt this year will show that, and i’ve started creating a rough outline of how i’ll do it. i shouldn’t be in this world, i […]
I feel so lost in this empty world filled with people. I can’t touch them, it’s like they’re so far away. Yet I stay here. Running around in circles. I sit down, but I cannot cry, because I know noone is there to say “It’s ok”. They’re not real. All fake. Go away..
Every week my world gets smaller.
I feel isolated, and am drowning in hopelessness.
A few months ago I reached out for help at school. They sent police to my classroom that forcibly arrested me and dragged me out of the building. From there I was sent to a hospital in the middle of no where, where they never spoke to me but diagnosed me with a mulitide of conditions I dont think I have.
My whole life, being open and vulnerable were big parts of who I am. But since the arrest, I cant talk. I cant reach out to even my friends. All I […]
If you could have any super power, what would it be? Telekinesis? Time travel? An invisible hand to slap people you don’t like? 😉
Darnit, how I wish I had superpowers instead of being just a hum-drum human.
Btw, does anyone have any recommendations for good shows similar to heroes on netflix to watch? I love sci-fi! Lets me pretend I’m in another world / different life. At least until I turn it off and poof, I’m back in my crappy reality.
Just saying, just got kicked in the teeth. It’s hopeless when you fail and world colapsed, when you find something else that wasnt suppose to be there.
i really just can’t take the pain anymore. i’m almost done with therapy and it feels like every step forward i get, i take three back. i can’t live in a world where my ex doesn’t come back to me and i’m starting to believe he won’t.
i don’t have much access to anything. so my only options are suspension or jumping. i can’t seem to figure out suspension? theoretically, if someone jumped from the roof of their house, what’s the probablity they would die?
time to go soon from this world. i’ve destructed all that i care about. erased everything.
Fuck this life, man…
Fuck it all… Not even dope can help me heal now… It’s all clear, I’m not meant to live in this world, or any other for that matter…
I hate it when I have to wake up in the morning… Sleeping without any dreams is so peaceful… If death is like that, I want to die. There may be no turning back, but I don’t want to ever wake up again. All I want is to sleep. An eternal sleep, and nothing more. Is that too much to ask of this sadistic world? Perhaps it is…
Because of my new part-time job (as a […]
I just watched a Let’s Play of Nevermind and it was interesting. It’s a game that uses biofeedback and the developer(s) want to expand it so it can help people with stress and anxiety-related illness. The game got me thinking about “perfect worlds” but I know there is no such thing as a “perfect world.”Instead, I want to pose a different question to everyone… What is your definition of an imperfect, perfect utopia? My utopia is one where mental illness and disease didn’t exist. Granted people will die in it but it won’t be by one’s own hands or by a fatal disease… It would […]
There may come times when we are lost
It will make us want to break free at any cost
There may comes times when life is sad
It makes everything look and feel bad
But even in all this pain and chaos
There is still some hope in all of us
It gives us the will and strength to live
Even when we feel life has nothing to give
We feel fear, we feel pain
It can make us go insane
It can make us do things we think that might be right
Endless tormenting us with nightmares at night
We feel all is […]
Nostalgia: Part 2
Sometimes things come up that remind me of my childhood or mostly my teenage years and it makes me more depressed. And it’s not because I had a horrible childhood (it wasn’t great, but others had it worse), but whenever I’m “taken back” to those times of my life, I automatically compare it to now. Usually what reminds me are old games no one plays anymore or popular music I remember being released and it played nonstop on the radio that no one knows anymore. Like those things I grew up with and still love to this day.. they don’t matter anymore. If I go up […]
Nostalgia: Part 1
The other day, a song came across my iPod that I haven’t heard since high school. At first I was like, “Wow, I love this song. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it.” Then it reminded me how much simpler things were for me then. I didn’t have as many responsibilities, my depression wasn’t nearly as bad then as it is today, etc.
But when I hear a song I listened to after a fight with my parents, friends, or after a breakup, I would start feeling that pain again. I would remember how much I was hurting and it was almost like I […]
She gently tightens her scarf around her neck before she steps out of her toasty car. Her depression has been crushing her, crushing everything she is passionate about. Locking her car door behind her, she quickly walks across the street with her eyes pointed towards the sidewalk. She’s almost there; her long, pale fingers grasp the brass doorknob as she opens the door into another world.
Books. Everywhere with their pale pages, they invite her to delve into a world other than the one she lives in. The ink and paper smells comfort her as she begins the search for her […]
today is hopefully my last day in this world, i have money now so i can start to prepare everything and do it tonight after work. You are all great
I know i am posting a lot, i am so fed up of my life, its getting worse everyday. I cant cope anymore. My life has no point or meaning. i just cry all the time. im in so much pain and need it to end
I really wanna go back to the psych unit because I fucking hate being in the real world because people expect things of me and when im there no one expects anything but for me to be sad and thats really all i can do and i hate people in my school because they dont understand how sensitive i am and i really wanna kill myself just to prove them a fucking point and no one understands me and just kinda laughs at the weird things i do when im trying to be serious and im just done being the only person in the whole […]
to look around at this world, at the people in it. To see how horrible it has all become, how truly selfish and disgusting people are. I look around in the hopes of finding proof that good exists that there is still love out there somewhere. But the more I look the less I find and the more depressed I become. This world is truly awful and everyday is a battle to not conform to not become as horrible as everything and everyone around me.
I’ve got so good and pretending to be happy I sometimes even fool myself, but then I come to the quick realization that its just a facade and everything hits me a thousand times harder. The strange thing is I feel as if this only happens to me……