I’m so tired of this. Every night the urge gets worse. Worst part is, I don’t think I’ll ever work up the nerve to kill myself. I can’t buy a gun, and there’s no way to hang myself (nothing sturdy enough to withstand the jolt of a body dropping). I don’t have strong enough rope, anyway. There’s a knife in here with me, and in the moments when I slither out of bed to look out at the sky–star light star bright please don’t make me live another night–I hold it, study it, contemplate it. It’s blunt, and forcing it past layers of skin and […]
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worst
I left my husband for love. We had been together almost a decade and he provided me a nice home and new cars, anything I needed and worked hard to do so. We had a two year old son when I left for another man. This man was charming and loving, came home every night and seemed to put me first. I guess I deserve the nightmare of marriage we’ve had for the last 5 years. He’s left me three times, twice at Christmas for two weeks and another time for two months because he was arrested for hitting me. He broke the no contact […]
When do you know when to give up? Because i think its my time. A person can only handle so much. My whole life has been hard. My mom has verbally abused me. Tried to fight me and passed that on to my sister. They think the worst of me. But I’m pretty poplular. Not because im attractive or sluty but because im the person people go to for advice or someone to lean on.
I dont fight or do drugs I respect everyone because I want respect back. On my 17th birthday in june 2014 my mom died. Yes on my birthday. I still smile […]
I’ve wanted to kill myself for the past 3 years. I attempted it twice but failed both times, the first time with pills and the second with a razor to my wrist. On the rare occasions where I feel happy, I get home and cut myself. It’s the worst feeling ever. Someone should put me into a coma, I want to sleep forever.
I’m 24, sort of successful with my studies I guess, got a bachelors degree in math, admitted to a US university to study math with tuition paid by teaching assistantship, good future and career ahead of me, if I cared for boasting, I would say I have pretty high IQ and stuff… my parents are proud, my sister is proud, my thesis supervisor is proud, my friends are proud.
I don’t care.
we broke up with my now ex-gf almost a year ago after a wonderful seven years. I’m not over it, I doubt I’ll ever will. and while I miss her every night (or someone she […]
I tried hanging myself the other day. I wanted everything to be over. I was tired of suffering the way I was. It goes so beyond depression, too. I suffer from schizophrenia, which is like the worst thing ever. I also suffer from Sickle Cell Anemia. So in addition to seeing and hearing things, I have intense pain all over my body. I can hardly get out of bed some days. I hate myself. I feel like I’m hiding behind all of it, wanting people to feel sorry for me.
The belt I used to hang myself broke as I began to lose consciousness. So I […]
I’m afraid of life and all the terrible things that can happen to me. My two worst fears right now are (1)being raped and getting pregnant and (2)being paralyzed from the neck down. I don’t really get that much satisfaction from living anyway. I love the guarantee of peace that death brings. Honestly, i jaunt want to escape the world. I don’t see the point in going through the motions of life when I can just end my miserable existence as soon as possible.
I plan on ending my own life as soon as I get my hands on some sleeping pills and have the house […]
From the beginning, there was always something that didn’t feel right. That I was missing some kind of feeling everyone around me always seemed to have. My biological father had fucking issues, and I never got to know how it felt to have a father. Sure, it sounds like it isn’t something big, but it’s what followed that only made the situation worse. Thankfully my mom and grandparents were saints, but then she met someone else after the divorce. He acted all nice and caring and ‘father like’ in the beginning to get to my mom’s heart, then they got married and he made my […]
Im not depressed, or i think im not. I fail to see what others tell me. I have a verbally abusive dad and slightly over bearing mother. Add few friendd, a grand total of 60 bucks to my name, college debt, poor grades, lack of confidence, and i dont know what i am. I dont have the worst story. Bullied til o was 17, hated by my dad since i could talk, and hurting from massive amounts of medical bull. Its enough for me to considet suicide. Noone will ever hire a second rate guy from high school with struggling college grades who cant stand […]
In the year 2010 I had two psychotic breakdowns and was forcibly hospitalised twice.
These were a direct result of my best friend and my partner turning on me, ganging up (with others) against me and leaving me in the ditch.
I kid you not.
The story’s too long. I haven’t the strength to tell it now. But yesterday with my new counsellor I managed to get it out somehow.
I no longer dare put my trust and faith in any human being.
I’m still haunted by the nightmare of that year.
I isolate myself. I’m still friends with my ex partner (because otherwise I would have basically nobody), though he […]
3 o clock in the mourning,about to fall completely sleep when the shadow of a man walks through my bedroom,he walks and walks for minutes,a big shadow,scary as shit,dont talks or makes any noises,just walks for minutes.I am too scare to shout,my body is completely paralized,as if the venom of the black spider dances through my blood,what if that spectral shadow is evil,i watch it for minutes just walkin,paranoid like if he is waiting or searching for someone,then the worst part of the ritual that starts at least one day per moth starts.The entity sits in my bed right beside my feet and starts to […]
Everything I do is worthless,everything I feel is useless,everything I hope for is always a cruel mirage and my soul is so full of pain I don’t feel like I have any strength anymore to keep forcing myself to live,what for? in the end life just hurts you,people take advantage of you the more sensitive and empathy you feel the worst and unlike they say it never actually gets better is all a lie it just lifts you up with a false pretense to throw you against the ground while it laughs at you and there you go again like a masochist standing up in order […]
So I’ve been fighting with depression through high school and so on, due to relationship troubles (or the lack thereof). But after graduation and freshman year of college was where it nearly killed me. (Twice.)
Winter quarter, I met the love of my life. Everything about her was perfect, except for her abusive family. She would cry in my arms each night, telling me horror stories of her childhood and adulthood. Months passed, and we helped each other through the days. Around Valentine’s Day, she hadn’t spoken with me for three days, so being the idiot like I was, I thought nothing of it.
Until I got […]
All I want is to be okay. All I get is worse. I just want help but I’m too prideful to ask. And when I did. I got yelled at for not even talking to my mom about my problems. But that would end bad, since she’s one of them and God knows I’ll never trust someone who almost drug me to my grave.
Suicide is an option I can’t have. For though I would love it; the escape. I wouldn’t be able to leave him…Its cliche I suppose but he’s my foundation, without him I would truly collapse.
Lately I’ve just gotten worse and I can’t […]
I’m in law school. I’m kicking ass in law school. I’ve got a great (paid) job this summer. I’m competitively seeking jobs for next summer already.
And I’m a fucking drunk. I probably wouldn’t need both hands to count the number of times in the past year that I haven’t had at least 3-4 drinks before bed.
And I fucking hate myself.
And I feel pathetic for hating myself, when my future is unfolding before me.
I have, deliberately (or almost so), sabotaged everything in my life. For the most part, it worked. Now, as I stand at actually having a career, every attempt I make at sabotage is […]
Become strong, I would of. You can.
You will go, grow. Where are you, Scully.
I can’t trust anyone, but you. Don’t leave me this way.
Fox and Dana. The chevaliers to pierce the veil.
I remember now; 1999, the “X-Files” series abruptly became terminated.
The truth didn’t want to be outreached.
The “Illuminati,” the “Secret-Skull.”
The ‘Reptilian’, your worst nightmare.
The monopoly. The elite-narcissist-supremacist.
The most fucked-up; me, you, it. Resuscitate from the grave.
A scratching dragon wishing to fall down beautiful to it’s death.
The truth is too pierced. Kill me today.
Obstruction. The power of “Trinity,” for me, in order to exist.
Or […]
I keep waking up. I woke up in a pool of blood that one night, a month ago. I woke up. 80 ounces of the hardest alcohol I can afford, twenty cuts later, and I still wake up. I’ve overdosed so many times, on pills and booze it’s like my tolerance is way too high now. I wake up every time. Even as a kid, I’d try at least once a week. I’d wake up every time. A whole bottle gone, and I would still just wake up.
I’m scared, because every time I try to finally die, it just does not happen. I’m scared because when I get these last […]
I feel like I’m only attractive for mosquitos, right now. I’ve been having a terrible day. But who cares ? Really. Nobody does. When I don’t have any specific drama to tell to people, I have no right to be depressed. I probably invent myself a mental illness just to get attention. Yeah. Why not.
I’m kinda drunk. I know it’s dumb. I don’t even like to drink. It a self-destructive pattern. I wanna be damaged enough so people will say, “right yeah, I understand why you would give up, I would too. “
lol. Like it’s possible. People are all liars and they try to make us […]
There is three types of idiots in this world: Idiots who do evil because they like seeing you suffer or because they want to show off in front of their “friends”. Then there is those who don’t care about the consequences of their actions; they don’t intentionally hurt you but if through any of their actions you take damage they don’t give a single fuck – aka “Don’t get in my way.” The last type are the ones who don’t understand or know about the consequences of their actions, either because they are too dumb to figure it out or because they just haven’t realized […]
I’ve always wanted to kill myself, ever since I was like 14. I never really got to try till I was 18. I was never happy with myself. I always failed at everything and I was sick of it. I’m tired of being treated like nothing, feeling worthless, feeling like I do not matter. My ex girlfriend made me feel so much better about myself till she cheated on me in the worst way possible and only made everything worse. I found myself back where I was. Surrounded by 4 walls, looking for anything to hurt myself with but pills wont work anymore. I don’t […]