I just joined, and I was looking up something completely different, I just thought this was something else too… I looked at a few stories and such and it got me thinking that maybe I should reach out to people that actually understand my situations and stuff…. I figured this would be a good and safe place for me to meet friends, and help others too… I’m one of those people that would rather be alone, but I will help others in a heart beat, I know it’s kind of strange, but I do hope that I can help others, and I will try my […]
A few years ago, I was visiting some friends for a small party, and we were supposed to make our own original costumes.
I don’t usually “do” parties, and I’m not all that fond of costumes. Plus, this also happened at a time when I was in a seriously dark place, kind of like I am right now.
After much thought, I decided my costume would be a personification of an abstract concept.
I decided on “Sesquipedalian Exsanguination”.
Sesquipedalian means “using a lot of big long words”.
Exsanguination […]
If I really think about this question, it comes down to basically two things. The people in my life who would be affected and the fact that I’m scared of something going wrong with my attempt. Another odd thought came into my mind. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE A BODY!! I don’t want somebody to have to come across me – lying there dead. I’ve always had a problem with blood (not that my method involves it) but, you know, just general messiness. I just want to disappear. I don’t even care if nobody remembers me. I just don’t want a fuss. In fact, it […]
A friend of mine committed suicide a couple months ago. To be honest, I knew the signs. When I heard about it, I can’t say that I was all that surprised. We weren’t close, but it really affected those around me. My best friend couldn’t keep back from sobbing in the middle of class, and it just got me thinking if she would be acting the same if it were me? I’ve already attempted several times (though I never had a gun to make it super easy) and failed. If I had succeeded would all these people act the same?
I find it ironic that all […]
I want to go back. Change everything. There was so much potential for happiness in my life. If only I hadn’t been such a fucking asshole. But now it’s too late. Now I’ve become this thing that I can’t let anyone see. I can’t make a connection with anyone because I have to put on an act. Pretend I’m a decent person, not a disgusting oxygen-thief. Can’t change myself to become decent. There’s some things you can’t come back from. I’m not sure what the right thing would be from this point. I’m guessing it would hurt. A lot. Me, and my family. A whole […]
I’ve been in counseling for like a month. I thought it would help more than it has, but I guess it isn’t much of a surprise that my counselor can’t just fix for me what I haven’t been able to fix for myself. My counselor hasn’t offered diagnoses and I haven’t asked. She doesn’t know all the information, quite frankly because most of it is really embarrassing, and also because if I said I was suicidal she might tell my mom or the school. I’d rather go unchecked and kill myself than let them find out and have to explain it. And how would I explain to […]
Anyone have any ideas for social interaction online? I mean a place that placates to the mentally ill, but is already well established. I just want to talk to some people, my social issues are too much to handle in real person, and I am just kinda lonely.
Any tips would be appreciated.
At work now. I’m vacillating between being self-destructive and driving myself closer to the edge, or just hanging on and playing everything by ear, day by day. I sort of just don’t care. Some days I do, other days I don’t. But I really cannot ever see myself being ‘happy’ or moderately content with myself in any capacity. I have such low self esteem lol.
I know that I’m probably not ready to neck myself just yet, simply because I still care about certain things and certain people.
I’m either going to, erm, save up my money and potentially go travelling (which would be me hanging on) […]
I made this thread so it would be easier to follow.
To one up you from last night:
Oh, well, hello fairy Miranda. She is a bit flirty and sexy, isn’t she? Oh, I’ve got wings. Not in the feminine hygiene way, sort of slutty moth, you know.
I just wanted to say I like this site everyone is friendly and supportive I no everyone has their own Demons to deal with and the battle isn’t easy with mental health depression anxiety suicidal thoughts etc if the world was to support each other like we do in here the world would be such a nicer place to live in hopefully things get better for all of us
thanks
Hey.
I can’t tell the difference between what is ‘reasonable’ and ‘depressed’ most of the time. Has anyone ever read a journal entry years ago? How does it make you feel? When I was a teenager, I would look back a year or so and feel positively embarrassed.
If I look now, I feel something else. I don’t feel so many years prouder. I feel sadness, and resentment. I didn’t make it out.
Ah, typing this, I’m afraid I don’t sound much different at all.
Alright. Let’s get this out before I waste any more of your time. I’m a gay guy. If this upsets you, scroll […]
Why am I so obsessed… Why am I so obsessed with world peace!?
Yet, I realized in order for that to happen someone first needs to become the bad guy. In order for a new system to rise, the old one must be removed… physically or mentally.
A physical reset would be one last World War where an absolute fear is ingrained so deeply that even 100 generations later still feel it. A final war that scars the land, burns the sea and splits the sky to leave a permanent reminder of the folly of individualism.
The mental reset is just as bad except it’s the ideals that […]
Every day I have to tell myself that today is the day that I’m going to turn it all around. I say that I’m going to win all the battles of my day, I’m going to make all the right decisions instead of panicking in every other moment and getting trapped in a shell of anxiety and worthlessness.
The situation would be bearable if I was making progress or winning. But I’m losing. Life is kicking my ass and I just want to call quits. I’ve been trying for long enough. If I was meant to make it and be normal I wouldn’t be in this […]
I’ve been having more suicidal thoughts than usual lately, and I’ve actually been thinking of ways I would want to go if I ever decide to off myself. Cutting isn’t an option; I’m too scared to harm myself, plus that would be extremely painful and messy. Hanging myself is off the table too, since I’d probably never work up enough nerve. My thoughts have been drifting towards drowning more often than not. I think that would be the best way to go for me. Although, I am terrified of the ocean/any body of water, I think I could make an exception. It would be easier […]
So, I just found out my best friend’s brother died from terminal illness. I know I should feel sad for him but I don’t. I realize he is Hurt but a part of me just wants to watch if he’ll Break from this. The loss he is feeling right now; I can’t sympathize or feel empathy for. God, I feel like a Monster but there is a contradiction.
Why do I want to save her? If I’m as evil as I think I am, the logical thing would be to leave her to her Pain and let her drown in the sand… Her […]
well to add to my mental state my doctor is sending me to get me checked to see if I have personality disorder which means I’ll have another mental Illness to add to the others great but will sort of explain why I find it hard to keep a relationship maybe because I don’t let people get to close but after 8 years u would think that u would be able to let someone get close well not me I always manage to sabatage anything that’s going well in my life iv become everything that I didn’t want to become im at a cross road […]
Maybe one day,
people would be more careful to what they say.
Maybe one day,
we’ll find a better way to lessen the pain.
Maybe one day,
our hearts will be healed.
Maybe one day,
scars will remain.
Maybe one day,
life will give us reasons to live.
Maybe one day,
we can learn how to stand again.
Maybe one day,
we can find ourselves.
And maybe, just maybe
It can all happen one day…
If I were to do it…
By it, I mean take my life.
The plan would be creative,
Elaborate…
Full of spite.
With some rope I’d hang,
My feet still touch the floor.
Not enough to asphyxiate,
Just to numb the core.
A gun fixed behind me,
With pulleys and cables to the door.
So you can be the one to kill me,
Like so many times before.
Maybe then you can feel me,
Through my blood upon you face.
Maybe then you’ll see,
The folly of your ways. . . […]
What makes me really suicidal and want to give up is that fact that I have sooo many issues. If I just had one or two then they would be manageable but there is so many battles that must be won, only to have another one appear and I have to try again.
I dont think Im that strong, if I could win them I gladly would, I dont have the capacity and looking at life realistically tells me that I never will.
How can I overcome my social phobia, my addictive behavior, my fear of success and performance issues, my inferiority complex, my bad memory, my […]
pushing through the days somehow ignoring that nasty voice in the back of my head(sometimes at the forefront) that says I should die, that death would be easier, that death is sweet, that I should cry until I die. I’ve gone to the doctor lately who tells me she’s concerned about my weight gain and my liver. I googled diets that could help my liver and maybe i won’t drink as much anymore but im so sad and there is so much liquor in my fridge/freezer.
I’m at work pushing back the tears because they won’t help. I bumped into a friend from college and another […]