So , Its for me to believe that everyones sorty is differnt. This one..Well its beyond that.
I dont know how to explain my thought really, But im going to try to put you in my shoes, My state of mind.
*Big breath* Alright. . So sometimes that thing called Depression hits me, Makes me want to go home and cry, yell at everyone about my problems and just throw my hands around hoping that they will hit something to take away this pain.. This pain of loss. The pain of never being loved. Always getting walked out on, or forgotten. Im the type of […]
Tag:
Yell
Im in my 3rd year of college. In the past i never really tried to put an effort in my academics since i naturally excel at it. My family especially my parents keeps on pressuring me to excel and be the top of my year since my parents think that finally one of their children was able to “inherit” their intellect. So this semester I had tried to put some efforts in my academics but to my frustration i failed all my subjects. Everyone around me, even my friends hero worship me because they think that im so great and that not true at all […]
Life was always hard on me, from the day I was born.. with an alcohlic father who had abandoned me and my mother when I was 2 and a mother who’s hobby is to blame me for everything and yell at me.. Really no one to care for me at this age. I was always alone and I tried my best to always get out of the house as much as I could because why would I stay there..
When I got older and there had been more yelling towards me, neglect, and beatings.. I even remember one time when i was in grade 2 and […]
underage high schooler living with  a clinically depress/paranoid mom.
everynight around 11pm-8am my mom would have these urges to freak out/cry/yell. the things I hear is that everyone treated her like crap. she would look in the mirror and yell at herself how she gotten so ugly as a person. the “freak outs” have been going on for a year. it’s getting financially and emotionalbad worst. let’s say, if tmrw I loose everything I own I won’t be surprise. I’ve been clinically depress since the 7th/8th grade. so far I’ve attempted suicide twice. ended up in the hospital and depression center both times. seriously I think […]
I’m at the edge of breaking into tears, at the edge of an hysterical attack… I want to scream and yell and hit the walls and bit my arms and just lose my self control for a little while. But right now I just can’t, I can’t go crazy in the middle of my class.
Today I’m having a down and it’s the worst, I’ve been feeling like crap since the very moment I woke up. I think that if I die, none of the ones around me will even notice, I’m nothing more than the shy girl who hides behind the anger and her phone […]
I just can’t deal anymore. Everyone says to “hold on” and “be strong”. But they do not walk in my shoes. They do not feel the pain I feel. They were not physically and emotionally abused in their childhood. They didn’t see their boyfriend of 6 years find a new girlfriend and the two of them crack jokes about me on Facebook, saying that I am lunch meat while the new girlfriend is steak….yet the ex-boyfriend calls and tells me the same week he not over me and wants to be friends and I am a great person. How can I be a great person if […]
Tick tock
Says the clock
It seals your doom
While you lay in your room
Will you die
With a blade at your side
You watched the blood run down
Your wrist sliced, but you don’t frown
Realse is what you feel
Paradise at your heel
Earth was hell
But now you hear the bell
The ringing, singing
In the high heavens
You have escapes the heathens
yes you know
the ones who put on a show
they caused you pain
And while your eyes rain
There was no one
Not one soul out of a ton
You killed yourself happy
Free because earth is […]
For a week I was able to stay away from thoughts of suicide and I was able to keep myself busy enough to barely notice my sadness. But that all came crashing down yesterday before resulting in this strange mixture of apathy and sadness I feel right now.
I hate feeling nothing.
Feeling nothing is as bad as feeling massively miserable, if not worse due to the guilt that goes with not giving a shit about stuff you know you should give a shit about.
I have important exams this year, it less than a fortnight’s time but I have yet to make myself care enough to study […]
I can’t take it anymore. I feel like dying. School is just so much pressure, and I’m so clumsy, that I lose things. My parents yell at me for losing things that cost money. I feel like they care about money more than me. I’ve been suicidal since I was eight. Eight! I felt too much pressure and stess too often. None of my friends and family know about this at all. The only reason I don’t suicide is because it hurts. I don’t want to feel the pain. I’m thinking, “If I have lots of pain, why add more?”
I know I’m young, and I […]
I remember I was the sweetest girl you would ever meet but that all changed when people started bullying me.I got bullied every single day.By everyone and by my family.My mom would always yell at me and my brother would beat me.My other brother would want nothing to do with me.My dad you ask?Lets see he had left me and my mom when I was 5 years old.People would call me fat,ugly,pathetic,Ect.Basiclly all the names in the book.I didnt understand what I did at the time.I would believe everything they said I had so much pressure on me and I still do.That pressure […]
My dad hates me – he abandoned me. He never wanted me. dad left me and mom when I was about 2 years old so I really don’t remember – but I have a feeling he used to be fun – I seem to remember we used to play and laugh a lot. But I don’t really remember because I was so young. Mom says he left us because he hates us.
I did see dad a few times … the last time I was twelve … I’m 17 now. when I would see him He smiled and laughed and his eyes twinkled like they were […]
the second I come home from school it’s like my parents hold in and save all their yelling energy to take it out on me right when I get home. they wonder why I’m afraid to come home and I hate being home. they don’t realize what the do to me actually hurts and effects me. they think oh I can handle it I’ll be fine. yeah right. I’ve been dealing with it for so long and I’m sick of it. just shut the fuck up and go on with your lives and stay out of mine. cuz they just keep making it worse and […]
Death is upon me. Goodbye Cruel World.
When you first get on to this site, they send you to the read this first page, then to [http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/]
That site recommends that you talk to someone, anyone. A hotline, a friend, family member, or religious member…
But what happens when you’re too afraid to call, or don’t have access to a phone when you are ready to turn the switch?
what happens when you’re too young to feel so old and no family member wants to even acknowledge you’re their vicinity when you’re depressed?
what happens when the man you’re in love with is too controlling and you’re not allowed to even have a friend […]
Ya know, I have had many, many, many, suicides this past month or so. Three. They all never showed any signs or anything and of course with the subject coming up everywhere i look now that this has happened it has reopened my deep feelings of wanting to do it however i stuck in there because it was the holidays.
Today i found out my parents are getting divorced. out of the whole year it had to be this month with all my friends’ suicides. like seriously. this is tearing me apart but i put on a brave face and listen to both of them […]
           Am i finally happy?
Finally putting the razor and knife down?
Finally putting the bottle of pills down?
Confused much….. i think yes,,,,,, hear me and help me plz dont yell at me.
Ok, here I am after countless attempts to end my life all of which failed because I chickened out at the last moment or because of well…. fate. Yes, after all that’s happened I still believe in fate. If I ever succeeded in killing myself, this would be my note:
Hey Mom and Dad.
By the time you read this I will probably be gone. I couldnt leave without saying goodbye could I? I wont make it long, Mom; I know how busy you are and how little time you have. Let me start off by apologising for being the biggest disappointment in your life: it’s not […]
I Don’t know where else to go. i spin myself all around but i always seem to fall on my ass. This life seems to short to live any longer. I can’t seem be to alive when all the world is a burning hell, A total disaster. everyone wants me to die just let me go. i look in to the ungrateful mirror to find out that I’m worthless.I try to be gentle but my gentle is destruction. My life isn’t hell but close enough. My voice scars those who hear it. My parents don’t understand The say i’ll never do it but i’m […]
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