I’m surrounded by passivity inside. Just a constant, “What if?”, “You could just…”, “If only I weren’t a coward, I’d…”.
Tonight it was “what if I owned a gun”. Spent my walk home imagining being gone in an instant. Dissociating myself out of existence. Imagining taking a gun to my head. Imagining pulling the trigger. Omitting the pain- wishful thinking, really- and imagining no longer existing. Imagining the peace of being gone. Being dead.
You know, I haven’t been here in a while. There were a couple of years where I forgot about this place in a good way, and then a couple of years where I […]